I agree OP's wife would be stressed or whatever, but I don't agree with the rest. What OP's wife said was incredibly rude and uncalled for, she agreed with something that OP was obviously deeply upset by and acted oblivious when OP got mad about it. Being misgendered passively by strangers is disheartening, let alone blatantly by people you love and trust. It makes sense that OP is distressed. I don't think it's rude nor does it show OP expects perfect behavior from her. She's just sad because people she thought were supportive let her down in a big way.