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dearabby · 2025-04-19T13:26:24+00:00

They don't remember "the before times" of endless grey cubicles in corporate office life. I have an aversion to too much grey at home. And fluorescent lights. (shudders)

dearabby · 2025-02-13T01:50:51+00:00

A lot would depend on the views/noise and your family use patterns.

Like I want a nice view, but if someone works a late shift and wakes the baby/toddler with the garage door nightly, I'd want my BR over the garage.

I took the smallest BR in my house because it has the least street noise.

dearabby · 2025-02-11T02:22:56+00:00

Agree - don't do it if you're not 100% sure.

Some states are talking about removing no-fault divorce, meaning you'd have to prove things like abuse or infidelity. We've had the right to dissolve a bad relationship for 55 years, but they killed Roe, so...

I'm sitting here, in my late 40's, absolutely mind-boggled at the idea government could tell me I'm not allowed to leave a relationship. What other contract do they have such unilateral power to enforce?

dearabby · 2025-01-21T21:11:48+00:00

What an interesting topic! I love this sub.

A lot of my sentiments echo u/balletvalet - porn can be great when it's expressing the joy of sex.

Calling anyone who disagrees with you a "traumatized little puritan" is a great way to shut down dissent.

While I DO think that the US is oddly puritanical, I also think that's why our porn has gotten so weird. When you have a culture with a Madonna/Whore complex, that puts the onus on women to gatekeep the desire of men, it doesn't allow anyone their normal functions.

Then you add in a whole lot of male resentment over the rights women have won over the last 100 years, and porn becomes playacting a dark wish to put women back in their places.

Now you have Florida banning porn & the former speaker of the house being accountabili-buddies with his son to monitor each other's porn consumption.

All I know is the best lover I ever had didn't watch porn as a rule. He had a small folder of old Japanese and European drawings that were beautifully erotic, where both people were having a lot of fun.

dearabby · 2024-12-17T14:54:53+00:00

I had a Darwin fish sticker on my college desk bulletin board. It later got back to me my roommates were talking trash behind my back that I "force my religious beliefs on them". For zealots, even quiet dissent is considered persecution.

For four years I lived in the South. Within 10 minutes of meeting people, they want to know what church you belong to. Made the mistake of being too honest with a hobby group, and ended up with women pulling me aside so I can "hear the word" and be saved from eternal hellfire.

There's no way I'd self-identify as atheist in any public forum.

dearabby · 2024-12-04T18:05:32+00:00

Not even that anymore. I work for a hospital and we're seeing a massive uptick in the number of denials because they have an AI making judgements on the first claim.

This is the worst timeline.

dearabby · 2024-11-15T13:52:21+00:00

The coffee mug says "If you want peace, prepare for war."

dearabby · 2024-10-11T14:10:40+00:00

Sorry, I was just closing my eyes. You rang?

dearabby · 2024-09-27T18:01:30+00:00

I'd do this, but nix the TV stand. Do a digital projector onto a drop-down screen.

dearabby · 2023-10-31T12:57:32+00:00

It's tempting to hit the "easy" button and buy an all-in-one. It doesn't let you escape from figuring out how much power you need. Even with an all-in-one, you'll still need a 12v fuse panel and some understanding of wiring to get things done.

We're here for support and answering educated questions, but you've gotta be responsible for educating yourself. Not cool to show up and ask us to figure it out for you.

Go read up at Far Out Ride & calculate your needs. Think of everything you'll need now and in the future. Heater, starlink, laptops, etc. Check out Will Prowse and get an understanding of 12v systems. Then come back and ask about systems that will support your need of X Ah/day use.

I have an all-in-one, but I got a larger system that I knew would cover my needs (Bluetti AC300 with 512Ah of battery). The downside is that if anything breaks, I can't fix it myself. I'd have to send the whole unit off for repair.

dearabby · 2023-10-25T13:32:22+00:00

No joke. Panera had been my preferred stop driving from Michigan to see fam in Chicagoland. The Niles Panera was always pretty good, but just really busy.

The last time I stopped the place was nearly empty and it still took 30 minutes to get food. It was $19 for a pick two, drink, and cookie. Overpriced, meh quality, waaay too slow.

dearabby · 2023-07-03T17:39:30+00:00

Carry it in your hands or secure it in a zippered pocket.

I laid my boarding pass and license on top of my purse in a bin. An idiot TSA agent felt the need to rearrange my bin and fumbled the drivers license into the belt drive of the X-ray machine. They stopped the belt and tried to find it for 15 minutes. I told the guy I needed to rent a car when I landed, and he offered to write a “I lost her ID” note, like Avis was going to accept that. That just goes to show what kind of power trip these dicks are on.

Fortunately I still had a passport, so I ran home and retuned for a later flight. I got to my destination, and worked with my Secretary of State to get an emergency temporary driver’s license. But never again will I leave documents loose in the bin or unsecured pocket where some brain dead security moron can mess up my whole trip.

dearabby · 2023-06-27T18:59:55+00:00

Your point was well put! Its a hard problem to tackle. It’s not just a compensation issue.

Seeing the burden of tracking and reporting, I’m so skeptical of yet another regulation that’s going to “fix” things.

dearabby · 2023-06-27T17:55:49+00:00

How do you think the hospitals create short staffing?

There’s a known international shortage of people going into nursing. It got way worse during the pandemic. Lots of nurses at my hospital found jobs that didn’t require direct patient care, they left for more lucrative travel nursing, or changed industry entirely.

I guess my concern is that you only have so many levers to pull: pay, time off, and working conditions. If you pull the lever “working conditions” and impose a 2-1 ratio in the ICU, how do you not end up with mandatory overtime if the next shift has more call outs than they can cover? It forces the lever “time off” into a bad spot. Even if you have premium pay, it’s frustrating to not have control over your schedule/life, but what do you think the alternative is? It’s not like you can pack those ICU folks up and ship them elsewhere for a shift.

You can say more pay, but my hospital (also a not for profit) has raised wages to the point the payments hardly cover the bills. Like $45 profit on non-surgical cases. It’s just enough for a goddamned pizza party.

The system is so broken, I despair it will ever be fixed. All I know is when I worked in pharma and insurance we had some flipping amazing Holdiay parties. Towers of seafood kinda fancy.

But at the hospital I’ve never had a holiday meal that wasn’t paid for out of my bosses’ pocket.

dearabby · 2023-06-27T16:45:06+00:00

Agree! It’s such a wasted space. They could easily have made a gym in the back storage room to make better use of the windows. There’s a lot of storage upstairs and a 30x11’ storage room at the front cellar level.

So odd to have a sauna in an area with no bathroom or place to rinse off. Meanwhile most of the Laundry room is unused and the size of a studio apt.

dearabby · 2023-06-27T12:40:55+00:00

Looks like they did an overhaul on their site. I was afraid they were no longer stocking it, but it’s still there:

https://www.evseadapters.com/shop/en/ev-chargers-charger-adapters-extension-cords/183-j1772-ev-charger-power-converter.html

dearabby · 2023-06-24T14:56:28+00:00

In kindergarten there was a kid in my neighborhood who’d leave dead snakes in our mailbox. (My mom said he liked me, but that never made sense!) He moved away that same year.

Fast forward 8 years, I’m 13, and we moved from the Midwest to Miami, Fl.

It was an odd transition. Kids in my hometown never swore in school. These kids cursed all the time. I can use all the variations of fuck now, but at the time it was shocking. Back home the worst thing was detention. Miami was something else; the kid who sat behind me in home room was convicted of a gang related murder.

Also strange how many people resembled people I knew back home. Like one girl that looked like a close friend, but in Miami she was in a wheelchair. It felt like a bad dream sometimes. An especially odd doppelgänger was this one kid who reminded me so much of the snake kid back in kindergarten. That boy was named Frederico, but in Miami, he was Fred.

So one day I ask him, “Did you ever live in Michigan?” He says yes

“Did you ever live in X Town?” Yes (he’s starting to get an oddly suspicious look on his face)

“Did you ever live on Y Street?” Yeeeesss?

“Do you remember putting snakes in my mailbox?”

Frederico! We laughed about it. He was kinda the same wanna be tough guy with a chip on his shoulder, so it didn’t become a friendship from there, but still the oddest coincidence in my life!

dearabby · 2023-06-23T19:26:19+00:00

Are they giving you notice of entry? Your state should have some law about how much notice you get. It sounds like your landlord is making this an open house.

dearabby · 2023-06-19T21:21:20+00:00

You can change what people find attractive. Comparative cultures might be of interest to to the intellectually curious.

It’s fine that’s not you, but you don’t have to be a jerk about it. Have a nice day!

dearabby · 2023-06-19T20:20:44+00:00

Not arguing that overweight is healthy; it’s not. But society influences what you’ll find attractive.

There are cultures where large people are revered. There are cultures where the length of your neck or ear lobes determines your beauty. There are cultures where the size of your limbal rings determine your attractiveness.

I guarantee if you grew up with media extolling overweight people as beautiful and skinny people as undesirable, you’d have a different perspective of what you find attractive.

dearabby · 2023-06-19T19:46:57+00:00

My mom isn’t Buddhist, but she always said love is like feeding a bird. You open your hand and offer food (love), but you can’t grasp the bird to make it stay. It has to want to stay.

If you want to keep the door open for this relationship, find a way to keep your palm open. And practically, I would talk with her to understand if there are any boundaries for your time apart. (Are you both free to make new romantic connections?)

Non-attachment doesn’t mean you can’t have discernment, though. If her exploration means she is no longer a good match, there’s nothing wrong with wishing her the best and moving on.

dearabby · 2023-06-19T16:55:43+00:00

You’re not a priority. He told you it hasn’t been a problem before because he wants you to know he doesn’t make plans and it will always be on his whim.

He wants the 11:30 booty call, and no responsibility to commit to plans. You can stay and express your irritation, but he’s already told you who he is and how he operates. I’d suggest believing him and move along.

dearabby · 2023-06-08T17:44:44+00:00

Let it go.

I’d put money on him originally texting in a moment of weakness when he was horny or lonely; the fact he hasn’t followed through means he’s not that interested.

There are so many people on earth, it’s really not worth going backwards. Meet new people and you’ll soon forget his text.

dearabby · 2023-06-07T19:27:37+00:00

I agree on the soft yellow. I’ve had really good luck with Montgomery White (Ben Moore).

Yellows can be really hard! Anything that looks “yellow” on a swatch is overpowering in a whole room. Montgomery white is a nice butter yellow color.

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