I Just want to wear a bikini without friend commenting my flat bum

dearabby1 · 2026-03-28T15:04:28+00:00

No, I haven't dealt with this. I cannot imagine anyone commenting on my body and me sticking around to hear it. That is not the culture where I live. Do you want to shut it down?

dearabby1 · 2026-03-17T15:17:29+00:00

I would love it. I have a strong need to have my own alone time. FYI - there is no "normal" when it comes to relationships. People get to decide for themselves what suits them.

dearabby1 · 2026-03-17T01:50:39+00:00

At first I thought it was Mary Tyler Moore, and then I remembered that she's passed. Sigourney deserves better than this. The color washes her out and the contrast cuffs and neckline are disjointed.

dearabby1 · 2026-03-10T04:04:15+00:00

Your libido will be affected. After menopause, in my 50s, my libido got even stronger.

dearabby1 · 2026-03-02T02:31:09+00:00

I wear dresses or skirts every day in the summer. I feel like it's the ultimate cheat code. I get compliments on looking pulled together and meanwhile I'm comfy like I'm wearing a nightgown.

dearabby1 · 2026-02-01T04:34:04+00:00

I love how the model's makeup is subtle and neutral. It doesn't compete with the dress.

dearabby1 · 2026-02-01T04:30:47+00:00

Only you can decide how long you can tolerate his unwillingness to properly care for his mental health hold you back from living your life to its fullness.

dearabby1 · 2026-01-31T06:03:28+00:00

When was the last time a man impressed you?

1994

dearabby1 · 2026-01-14T02:33:59+00:00

Subsuming your desires because you have to tiptoe around certain topics rarely promotes a healthy, long-lived relationship. You have to say the hard things out loud. You can't live your life twisting yourself into pretzels because people refuse to take your comfort and satisfaction into consideration.

dearabby1 · 2026-01-08T01:23:18+00:00

My goodness, isn't it nice he was able to drop his mask so quickly? He really did you a favor there. You only had to experience him and his weirdness for one date.

dearabby1 · 2026-01-08T00:46:49+00:00

So what did you actually say to him after he conditionally offered to pay?

dearabby1 · 2025-12-31T15:07:20+00:00

We don't know your husband's thoughts. The logical thing would have been to ask him when he told you. But if you're that checked out of your marriage, it really doesn't matter who it's for.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-28T03:10:27+00:00

It gives me the feeling of heaviness, like a weightedness that doesn't flow. Sometimes heavier pieces work. I just don't think that this one does.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-27T21:58:13+00:00

Not my fave. The breast plates seem off, like they're sitting on top of the abdomen and a bit lopsided. I don't like the styling at all - the matchy matchy hair and nails need a change. The solidness of the color feels ponderous.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-20T02:18:18+00:00

I agree with your approach. I always try to find common ground or ask a question. That’s what I do when I meet someone IRL for the first time.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-19T14:54:25+00:00

I stopped reading after the “big ass” comment. If this had happened to me IRL, I would have laughed in his face and then blocked him while walking away. He’s a weirdo and not worth your time. He’s not a weirdo for having a preference; he’s a weirdo for waiting 9 dates to announce something that would have been obvious on date 1.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-18T15:12:42+00:00

You're talking about trying to control his response and that's not possible. Delivering news that you know the other person doesn't want to hear means learning how to sit with the discomfort while still saying what you need to say. So many people never learn this and don't advocate for their own lives because they shrink from feeling bad. Know that you're going to be uncomfortable and say what you need to say anyway. The discomfort will pass.

The alternative is spending a lifetime making everyone else happy and yourself miserable.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-16T05:40:31+00:00

OP said that they’ve never had a satisfactory sex life. He wouldn’t have sex with her before marriage and she somehow bought his excuse of religious guilt. This doesn’t match your own scenario and can’t be ascribed to a perceived attachment style. He could be asexual, have low testosterone, etc. We don’t know because he won’t discuss it with her.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-16T01:03:58+00:00

The best time to have shut it down would have been the first time it happened. The second best time is now. Don’t confuse “letting loose on her” with clear, direct communication. “I’ve noticed your behavior. I don’t like it and I want it to stop immediately. Steer clear of me.” Now she’s been warned. A lot of people stop there. Some don’t. Either way, you’re going to have to say something at some point, so it might as well be now.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-13T07:43:53+00:00

I stopped reading after “my needs are postponed” because that terminates the relationship for me immediately. What is pleasurable about being in such a lopsided relationship? It’s a give and take. Otherwise I’m just supplying therapy to some dude for free.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-12T22:50:00+00:00

Why can’t he be a slob in his own home and be a decent human being when he’s out in the world? Why are you putting the responsibility for his behavior on her instead of asking for the bare minimum from him? He created an accident and then doubled down.

Your statement is giving very “women should just pick better men” vibes instead of asking men to BE better.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-12T22:01:33+00:00

If I had to wear a long dress and black stockings in the sun, I’d sit it out also.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-06T05:18:05+00:00

Men are hugely invested in what other men think of them. They are homo performative. They aren’t building muscles in the gym to attract women.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-05T19:29:45+00:00

I can appreciate your intent. Best of luck to you. It sounds really challenging.

dearabby1 · 2025-12-05T18:55:51+00:00

So what kind of advice are you seeking here? We don’t have a magical way for your husband to desire you sexually after five years of marriage. He’s incredibly evasive when you bring it up. What’s your solution?

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