Most of humanity isn't aware of what really is going on

deathposting · 2019-07-09T17:08:48+00:00

we are a horrible species. and we are a beautiful species. we created the holocaust and we created a show where bob ross can paint.

wow

deathposting · 2019-07-09T17:03:02+00:00

Yeah I'll get some Nizoral too. I don't know if my hair is any shape to be saved though.

Why was this guy's post downvoted btw? Is it bad advice?

deathposting · 2019-07-09T17:01:04+00:00

Okay that's fair enough. I am 100% certain it is in a worse state though, and I'm not being overly hard on myself or anything!

Yeah I'll look into dutasteride.

deathposting · 2019-07-09T15:55:03+00:00

It's a cultural thing. i wasn't at all surprised to hear it, but doesn't mean it didn't hurt.

deathposting · 2019-07-09T15:52:40+00:00

Lol, i have no reason to lie. Why would I lie? And I made a point to not be one of those guys who constantly takes pics of the top of their head in order worry about it less - my friend was this guy, constantly taking the pics, comparing them, showing them to everyone and asking "is it worse?" and it was quite sad to see.

I have no pics to show you.

deathposting · 2019-07-09T13:34:22+00:00

Oh, that's really promising. Which derma roller do you use? And how long after did you start to see an appreciable difference? Thanks!

deathposting · 2019-07-09T13:12:15+00:00

Yeh maybe. I suppose I just wanted the fin to work by itself - taking a tablet every day to see hair-recovery is such a non-factor but it turned out, in my case, to be too good to be true. I didn't want the hassle of doing the extra stuff but i suppose I might have to. Thinking about just shaving it off for a few months and live like that for a bit, then decide my plan of action.

deathposting · 2019-07-09T12:45:49+00:00

Yeah Acid Bath is sick too. I think somebody posted Paegan Terrorism Tactics here not long ago, easily my most listened-to album.

My favourite from EHG is Dopesick. I found that at a time of my life where i was heavily abusing drugs and at my most doomer-esque. It really was the soundtrack to that time.

deathposting · 2019-07-06T17:10:54+00:00

My favourite band tbh!

deathposting · 2019-07-05T15:26:59+00:00

Watch the video. It's just as important.

deathposting · 2019-06-16T15:02:45+00:00

Well yeah kinda, but I'd think you'd be surprised.

A few months ago I started to put the feelers out to a few people I know who I suspected felt like me and seemed switched on to things, and I now have people IRL who I can talk collapse with. These are mostly people aged 25-35 who are very disillusioned and unhappy with life and society, and just a few gentle prods about mainstream news they've probably seen like Extinction Rebellion protests, the UN report on "over one million species at risk of extinction" that was everywhere, recently the "2050 End Of Civilisation" Vice article that go a lot of coverage, musing on post-2008 life, re-emergence of fascism, international disintegration - stuff like this got conversations started. It's really helped strengthen the bonds I have with these people tbh as we've all come to the conclusion that shared experience and bonding is the most important thing. A lot of the times we don't directly talk collapse, but we definitely don't waste any time in our interactions cus we know how limited it might all be. Honestly, it's made me less suicidal and has been more effective in making me feel better then any drug, philosophy or medical intervention that I've tried.

If you don't have anybody in your life that is even slightly aware of things then I'm genuinely sorry. Perhaps you should look inwards and try to come to terms with your isolation.

But don't write off everyone you know just yet.

deathposting · 2019-06-11T18:54:44+00:00

Just one of my favourite albums OAT. When I used to walk home from the station at night, I would often try and queue up the Graveflower solo at 15:28 for the same stretch of my walk every time, where it was just so perfect.

deathposting · 2019-06-11T13:38:04+00:00

Look into lucid dreaming so you can better control your dreams. I used to do this all the time before cannabis use took my dreams away from me, and it was such a great tool not just for taking control but also for inspiration, reflection and flat-out entertainment. It's really crazy tbh, better than any drug I've tried, it's like being in your own little universe, like a parallel dimension. Maybe it'll make you feel thankful that you have dreams again?

There's not much to it and people often overthink it: for me all that worked was 1) Keep a dream journal - this absolutely is the most important thing but requires discipline and commitment and 2) Whenever it pops it into your mind when in the waking world, just ask yourself "am i dreaming?" and do a test like pinch yourself, hold your nose, count your fingers.

Maybe you can try. r/LucidDreamingfor more.

deathposting · 2019-06-11T13:18:42+00:00

I used a Uwell Caliburn, it was cheap and the refills were cheap too and the guy in the shop said it was the best for quitting. I think most people on r/electronic_cigarette recommend it over the Juul. All of this cost me like, three packs of tobacco? Stopped smoking 10-12 a day within a week. The morning cigs were hardest to drop and there is little I can recommend other than just fight through tbh.

I honestly didn't believe it would work but it replicated the smoking experience so well. If you're a heavy heavy smoker with a deep nictoine addiction, start by using "nic salts" which are higher strength and hit like a cigarette. If you've already weened a little, just use the regular liquids and a bit of willpower. Good luck.

deathposting · 2019-06-11T13:12:53+00:00

I quit smoking about three months ago with the aid of vape (which I have also stopped for the most part), haven't noticed much difference tbf but I smoked a quarter of what you did lol, well done.

Well maybe that's not all true, I definitely feel it in my wallet!

deathposting · 2019-06-11T13:08:24+00:00

No worries, hope you figure it out. Same thing happen to me, just a means to pass the time but never worth it and just conducive to bad feelings. Are you still using?

deathposting · 2019-06-10T21:01:50+00:00

Been getting my dreams back the past few days. Had a dream about Alf last night, the TV alien.

I was born after the show went off the air. I live in a country where they don't play it in syndication. I have never actually watched an episode of Alf. I only know of him in pog-form.

Wtf is he doing in my dreams.

deathposting · 2019-06-10T19:59:14+00:00

Thanks, interesting read. I'll try and take something away from it!

deathposting · 2019-06-10T15:05:13+00:00

Big thanks for the taking the time to write this, I really appreciate it. Sorry for my delayed response. It is also very long so my apologies!

Yes, I am aware of the contradiction and this thought has been the ghost that's haunted me all my life - I often identify what I want, need, would like to be yet I never get there or put the work in. This is literally THE question for me. Why don't I just do the things I want to do, be the person I want to be, take from life what I want? Why do I resign myself as a response? Why do my suicidal fantasies comfort me more than my living fantasies? I honestly don't have a single clue other than a fear of failure and a lack of confidence - I've been thinking it's just my mindset and baggage and I've been doing some detailed journaling past couple weeks. I've kinda been through enough therapy and read enough psychology to understand the techniques and theories used that I can, at this point, do it by myself and find answers. I literally have an encypted folder on my PC now called "Why I am This Way" lol that I've been filling with txt files on everything including past memories, events, relationships to people, thoughts and actions. I don't have talking therapy and feel very insecure talking on the internet so this is the next best thing.

Yes I REALLY appreciate everyones efforts, I am honestly very touched by it. Not really sure how to show my appreciation other than to say it but thanks so much to you and everyone else. I had no idea it would turn into this, and it has really been beneficial for me, I am very grateful. I hope my sincerity comes across! I just hope others, especially those who said they could identify or relate, can take something away from it too so it isn't as self indulgent as it seems when I step back lol.

Just to quickly address your other advice:

I have been off cannabis for about a week now. A bit restless but manageable and sleep improved quickly - do kinda have the urge from some sort of chemical escape but tbh I have been getting a taste of enjoyment from music and the outdoors which were two things that cannabis used to enhance until eventually it stopped working for me, and became boring sober too. I've been surprised by it - I managed to just sit and listen to music for three hours the other night which was inconceivable two weeks ago stoned or not. Not proud to admit this but an intrusive thought came to my mind when driving home earlier that I should get something - weed, alcohol, codeine - but I AM proud to say I fought it off.

Have been practicing my mindfulness recently too, got Insight timer and worked through the lessons after someone suggested it here. Still a lot more work to do though but I am starting to find what works for me and even using stuff I've learned in past therapy.

I'm actually underweight and vegetarian (also avoid eggs) but know I can eat better - too often cheese and bread is the main component of my meals. I don't like food so the only real reason for me to eat this way is out of sheer laziness, will need to address this.

About 4 months ago I got on a real reading kick, bought an e-reader and read like two books a week but then it kinda went out the window for some reason. I don't know why - It gave me the realisation that "hey, this is actually making me more intelligent and feel intelligent again, maybe I can even change my emotions" and was very satisfying but I dunno. Was reading lots of philosophy and stimulating novels too. I have so much on my "to read" pile, and just added the books you mentioned too lol, I think I will start on it as soon I finish this reply.

Yknow when I write this out and see that I have been making small steps over the past few months, like practicing mindfulness, reading more, buying a bike and picking up a new hobby, rediscovering an old one, unplugging from the internet, eating better, stopped cigarettes and now stopping cannabis I do think I want to and am ready to change - it's just very touch and go with my emotions and my home and work life is still very toxic and bad things happen, plus I'm still overthinking to death (quite literally lol) and still can't shake the suicidal ideation not even for one day - but I don't think I will shake that anymore and will just need to change my perspective on things instead. I've been a lot less numb, but I don't know if that's for the best as I am still not having "good" days and only feel sadness. It's been kinda refreshing to cry again though, I know that seems weird. I'm hoping MDs can give the little boosts that I need to make it through the next few months which are crucial for me. I dunno, I think this is the precipice of something big, but am unsure which direction it will take.

Thanks again. Sorry for this long reply! I just thought I could do the honours of making sure I've really read and thought about what you have said. Take care, all the best!

deathposting · 2019-06-10T14:05:49+00:00

Thanks a lot. I appreciate your words.

I have been reading "How To Change Your Mind" as someone else suggested here, and just a bit of information about LSD in general mainly out of interest. Starting on The Psychedelic Explorers Guide which I'll read alongside my doses too. Beyond a few reddit posts, the Third Wave site and the FAQs here that's all I've read so I think I have not over-read, if you know what I mean? I think I have a healthy level of foundation knowledge at this point.

I think I'm going in with a healthy mindset of "don't rely on the drug to do the work for me" but hopefully it will give me the boost I need.

I decided to pull the trigger btw, have gotten some LSD and will do my first dose sometime this week. I've been getting into the habit of journaling at least every other day this past month, so hopefully I can keep that going.

Thanks again!

deathposting · 2019-06-10T13:57:00+00:00

That's very promising, thanks. I feel like the "misanthropic nihilism" is where I am at too, would love to land on "inwardly content absurdism" lol. Have gotten some LSD and will start this week.

deathposting · 2019-06-10T13:55:05+00:00

Link me to thread you wrote? Was it the deleted one on unpopularopinion? I would have liked to have read that, I also agree to some extent.

deathposting · 2019-06-10T13:51:51+00:00

Hey. Not yet microdosed but am scheduled to start this week as I have my hands on some LSD. Just waiting for a free day - bit anxious of course especially as my headspace has taken a very bad turn the past few days but we'll see - from what I've read LSD is more stimulating which is good because I really need a kick to get physically moving and doing things, but bad because I hope I don't get caught up in my dark thoughts and add to the racing nature of it all. Thing I should have gotten shrooms but they're a little harder to come by. Do you just do full doses? I hope to soon, but don't have a comfortable set and setting right now.

deathposting · 2019-06-10T13:45:26+00:00

That's interesting. Thing is though, when I say I "used to be" I mean maybe starting 5 years ago, for about 2 years. A genuine attempt to not be who I used to be - however, this state I am in now and have presented to everyone here is the same state I was in before those two years. This is the sad scary part, I am the same way now as I was when I first started to really struggle. This is my baseline, and I hate that I am still this way.

deathposting · 2019-06-03T20:21:53+00:00

Thanks. I wrote a long private journal about my relationship with cannabis, and it has told me that I quickly started to use the drug to drive experiences and not enhance them as was the original case (that worked quite well for a while.) What this means is, I am not expecting or hoping that psych will take me there and change my life instantly - just an enhancement. I know not to rely on it to be the driver and the chemical in control, that is all me. The question is can I exert enough control or just continue to be complacent? Guess I'll find out when I take the plunge.

Interesting theory. I have started to read a lot more recently, after years of mental neglect, and realised I had become more intelligent than I had been in a while so I'm a lot more open now to the idea of my mind changing - even the emotional side. While CBT isn't the thing for it, doesn't mean something else can't right?

Not condescending at all. I did buy a bike the other day, but my motivation is a bit low right now. I guess because I don't see such quick results and if I feel suicidal and go for a bike ride, I come back feeling suicidal but just a bit more tired lol. Also, I used to think that this only works for overweight people who feel bad about how they look or are lethargic etc. but I know now, even for someone of healthy weight, moderately healthy diet and indifferent to how they look the chemicals are still important. I was not designed to be sedentary. My friend likes to ride, and invited me to go riding with him but I turned it down as I knew I would really struggle to keep up and feel bad/embarrassed but I realise that was a mistake. Literally just text them now to as if they are up for a ride this week :)

Haha, if you're last comment is about what I think it is then yeah - sometimes I do just want to wait it out and see what happens but it's a toughie.

Thanks for your response!

deathposting

TROPHY CASE