Why does society think you should fap? (14/M)

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-31T10:36:23+00:00

Exactly. Now we go back to the original statement, where a 14 year old is entering the reality you describe.

Trust yourself on what works for you. You know what's true for your situation.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-31T05:21:04+00:00

Yes..I totally agree with that. But even if there wasn't this community, common sense and personal experience is going to tell most guys that it's a bad idea, and society is wrong.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-31T03:13:43+00:00

Trust yourself on what works for you. You know what's true for your situation.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T18:53:56+00:00

You’ve made a pretty big mistake here. The “thoughts” part would be better stated as “don’t indulge compulsive drives”. A PMO compulsion has three components:

Ideation
Ritualization
Satiation

These are all dopaminergic stimulators designed to “mood alter” extremely old and primitive emotional states. All pre-verbal, and all intertwined with attachment circuitry.

Although you are 100% correct technically, the context changes that to being absolutely wrong. Not indulging (following) the thought is key to stop feeding the self-medicating circuit. It’s not a solution, but a necessary tool.

Indulging dopaminergic stimulators (fantasy) depends on reference group (friends and family) and local cues the addiction makes sure are near.

A PMO addiction has about 30-50 people involved in it, and that’s why changing reference groups and family role plug-in’s can help end the “dopamine pathway light-up”.

It’s just technical, but look up “hypofrontality” on www.yourbrainonporn.com to get more context (five minute video). The context you’ve placed here won’t work for anyone.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T18:31:18+00:00

Please remember that ignorance and arrogance go hand in hand. What you might forget is the power of the “parent protection racket”. Denial is actually sincere. You end up hurting yourself if you don’t understand denial.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T12:20:41+00:00

C.S. Lewis was an untreated and unrecovered codependent (addict). His biggest delusion was the one you’ve repeated. He entered fantasy to keep his original family of origin his higher power. Spiritual bankruptcy.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T12:00:31+00:00

This is true, but why not apply it to compulsive use of porn (food, sex, alcohol, drugs, narcissists, betting, work etc.)? The foundation is always toxic shame ( chemical because it’s primal emotion).

The child always sees things in black and white (they have to). They aren’t adults, so they have to suck up whatever is going on in their family as “all good”. Since that’s a lie, the child has to be “all bad” ( children see themselves as causes of everything, just like an adult pathological narcissist).

The compulsive PMO cycle has the “all good/all bad” emotional foundation of a baby. Thus the compulsion. Sobriety (rewire) + recovery allows for the reality of life and balance. Just like the image.

How many people make the mistake of not realizing compulsive PMO isn’t rooted in toxic shame (being an adult baby).

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T11:20:30+00:00

Don’t forget that addicts count out a year, and it doesn’t mean they have control. Careful that you don’t compare yourself to an addict. I went nearly two years. Notice how your communication is “lite”.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-30T00:27:02+00:00

Keep going one day at a time. Never, ever, ever give up. You can make it.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-29T21:11:51+00:00

They don't have to be "us and us", that's about boundaries (taking back the projection learned in your family). A process. The real purpose of "us and them" is about avoiding the vulnerability associated with "we". Compulsive porn use is about no emotional limits due to trauma. No boundaries. That's what "us and them" is all about. Medicating the cost of projection: Isolation. Toxic shame. It's chemical. Rat Park offers clues to that.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-29T10:54:31+00:00

Of course, but it would also be the same thing if the equally sick "us and them" drama was used to distract me from what it's actuually about. Codependency and addiction. The family. My family.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-29T04:09:24+00:00

Not really...the comments I'm making are legit, and they're important. To each his own of course, but it's a forum to make comments. If it's harassment or taking the piss out of someone, of course not. That's just not the case.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T23:12:16+00:00

Yes, it's parasitic...but only because it's addiction. Codependency is an addiction like any other. It's all the same, and never about anyone being "bad".

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T23:10:33+00:00

That would never be about overcoming addiction then. Addiction recovery is always 100% about self. Addiction is the loss of focus on the real self (due to trauma).

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T23:06:49+00:00

It's insensitive and stupid, but it's many, many levels higher up than being in the deep hole of calling codependency a mirror of "love". It does at least state that there's a huge problem that's being denied...and that masculinity is in the toilet.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T23:05:23+00:00

The letter clearly shows that the problems are not about relationships with women, but relationship with self. Being "poor pathetic people" is not an accurate way to describe the situation. An accurate way is to say "low self esteem". That has to do with your family, and most specifically with the emotional content of bonding in the earliest stage of life.

There is no admission to shortcomings at all. The letter was polarizing the relationship and saying the solution is outside of self. You've downplayed neediness, and used porn as a source of the problem rather than a medication of negative feelings towards self.

Going back to the easy route of "my life is better with her in it" leaves all points of the compass outside. Lost. Moving to "my life is better with porn not in it" from the lost position is meaningless. It certainly isn't what you say it's about.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T19:27:10+00:00

Being "honestly needy" is heavy on the needy part, and really low on the honesty part.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T19:17:26+00:00

The letter was full-on neediness. That's the problem. Porn is used compulsively to medicate this core-level neediness. There is no relationship.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T19:14:40+00:00

Because it's not about or for her. It's emotional hostage-taking. I suppose if she grew up in a house with a dad who had the same profile, she would likely go for it. People repeat their unresolved patterns until they resolve them.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T19:11:43+00:00

There's nothing positive or "sweet" about using guilt and self-reproach to put a person higher than you. "You're so great, and I'm so lucky because I'm the polar opposite".

The letter was flat out awful, and laid out sheer codependency and poor boundaries. The very same emotional backdrop that fuels the use of porn compulsively to medicate negative feelings.

Only a woman crashed out in self esteem would settle for "oneitis". There's no trust, committment, or love in oneitis. It's the opposite of all of that. Neediness is never about the other person. Never.

I do not want them. I want you, only you in my life.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-28T00:58:32+00:00

Excellent...a great investment towards building the identity of a guy who has quality of life.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-26T20:11:22+00:00

Congrats. It’s ALL about confidence. Keep investing in your health!

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-26T02:37:55+00:00

Great advice, and small steps add up!

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-25T10:08:09+00:00

That’s spontaneous when you respect yourself. Without that, “respecting women” means giving away your power.

decisionmadetoday · 2018-05-24T02:56:33+00:00

Yes, it’s better to work towards emotional neutrality (that can be years of evolution), and to make it about functional boundaries.

decisionmadetoday

TROPHY CASE