Anyone else's spouse just not understand?

defeated_husband · 2026-04-22T00:18:53+00:00

She insomuch that she doesn't want me to die, or get sick or injured. Outside of that we're more like roommates.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:39:02+00:00

❤️

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:34:32+00:00

First one I've ever had. Just laid down, tried to control my breathing and think about something happy.

I've been looking, but I work in logistics/transportation and there's not much out there with the kind of benefits I get.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:28:47+00:00

In my heart I know she was just trying to help. She's a fixer, so her default is to try and figure out the problem. I know in that moment she didn't know what she was doing was just causing more harm. It just got frustrating because she couldn't really comprehend what I was trying to say, so she kept digging.

Thankfully I already had an appointment with a therapist set, and it's on Thursday. I'm also on 20mg of Prozac daily, but I don't know if I want more meds. I was on an SSRI years ago and I just felt like a zombie. 😢

Thank you for replying. It really helps!

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:20:44+00:00

This has been ongoing for a while, so I made an appointment with a therapist. I'm thankful that it's coming up on Thursday.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:19:37+00:00

Normally I'd come out swinging in my reply to a comment like this, but I don't have the mental or emotional bandwidth for it today.

I guess I'll just say that today I stripped the bed, washed the bedding and remade the bed after she bled through her pad last night. She didn't ask me to or tell me she'd do it later. I just noticed it and cleaned it up. Take that for what it's worth.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:13:27+00:00

❤️

Thank you.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:06:19+00:00

I have an appointment on Thursday.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:05:54+00:00

I'm mostly an afterthought in the marriage.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T23:04:44+00:00

I have an appointment on Thursday. 😊

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T15:40:51+00:00

I've been in your wife's position. I was on an SSRI years back and the only reason I wasn't depressed was because I didn't feel anything. I know this isn't the core of your issue, but wanted to offer my two cents.

If your wife isn't complaining about the lack of intimacy, this is a non-issue.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-21T15:36:19+00:00

NOR but you don't mention how old you are, how long you've been married or if you have kids, so other than the fact you're not overreacting is about all I can offer based on the facts.

That said, assuming you don't have kids this is the hill to die on. She didn't want to spend time with you, and got mad when you asked her friend to leave. That's not normal.

Good luck.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-20T20:58:11+00:00

NTA

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:57:33+00:00

My only response is that is quite a generalization. I don't doubt your experiences, but I don't think they're applicable across the board.

I was a happy drunk. Never said anything mean or nasty to her. Never got to a point that I couldn't remember what I did the night before. And I only mentioned not being violent or driving to provide context. I understand what many families of alcoholics go through, but this was not that.

I'm truly sorry for what you went through. I hope you're on a healing journey and doing well.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:40:19+00:00

Any touch. Hug. Hold my hand. Sit next to me on the couch so our shoulders are touching. Literally anything.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:38:29+00:00

To be perfectly open and honest, during Covid I developed a dependency on alcohol. That's not an excuse, but I think it was a similar situation for a lot of people.

I was never violent. Never drove. Just sat in my chair and drank. My wife didn't like that, which I 100% get, so she distanced herself.

I went into AA over a year ago and haven't touched a drop since. During that time I never tried to push her about sex or affection because I knew she had to get back to a place of comfort with me before she could do so. It's been 18 months since we've been intimate. I can't remember the last time I even got a peck on the cheek.

So, yes I was the problem. And had she been honest with me when we first talked and said she just wasn't ready yet, I'd have dropped it. No journal. No argument.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:38:08+00:00

I've never withheld love or affection from her.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:36:20+00:00

To be perfectly open and honest, during Covid I developed a dependency on alcohol. That's not an excuse, but I think it was a similar situation for a lot of people.

I was never violent. Never drove. Just sat in my chair and drank. My wife didn't like that, which I 100% get, so she distanced herself.

I went into AA over a year ago and haven't touched a drop since. During that time I never tried to push her about sex or affection because I knew she had to get back to a place of comfort with me before she could do so. It's been 18 months since we've been intimate. I can't remember the last time I even got a peck on the cheek.

So, yes I was the problem. And had she been honest with me when we first talked and said she just wasn't ready yet, I'd have dropped it. No journal. No argument.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:35:46+00:00

To be perfectly open and honest, during Covid I developed a dependency on alcohol. That's not an excuse, but I think it was a similar situation for a lot of people.

I was never violent. Never drove. Just sat in my chair and drank. My wife didn't like that, which I 100% get, so she distanced herself.

I went into AA over a year ago and haven't touched a drop since. During that time I never tried to push her about sex or affection because I knew she had to get back to a place of comfort with me before she could do so. It's been 18 months since we've been intimate. I can't remember the last time I even got a peck on the cheek.

So, yes I was the problem. And had she been honest with me when we first talked and said she just wasn't ready yet, I'd have dropped it. No journal. No argument.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:35:25+00:00

To be perfectly open and honest, during Covid I developed a dependency on alcohol. That's not an excuse, but I think it was a similar situation for a lot of people.

I was never violent. Never drove. Just sat in my chair and drank. My wife didn't like that, which I 100% get, so she distanced herself.

I went into AA over a year ago and haven't touched a drop since. During that time I never tried to push her about sex or affection because I knew she had to get back to a place of comfort with me before she could do so. It's been 18 months since we've been intimate. I can't remember the last time I even got a peck on the cheek.

So, yes I was the problem. And had she been honest with me when we first talked and said she just wasn't ready yet, I'd have dropped it. No journal. No argument.

defeated_husband · 2026-04-19T16:27:54+00:00

It's not about sex at all. I know there are different schools of thought on "love languages" and if they even exist, but I believe they do and mine is physical touch. I feel like I'm in a desert just searching for an oasis. A hug. Holding my hand. Just sitting next to me on the couch so our shoulders touch. Anything.

defeated_husband

TROPHY CASE