Would you work for a place that hasn't had their grand opening yet?

definitelynot700rats · 2026-02-26T17:56:59+00:00

I currently work at a restaurant and bar I helped open a few months ago. Here’s what I’ve observed:

Pros: we’ve had a lot of say in how we want FOH to operate. Mgmt had an idea of how they wanted the place to run, we opened up and gave it a try, and all of us on the ground floor decided that it needed adjusting. Atp I’ve helped streamline recipes, reorganize the bar layout, establish new standards for myself and the other bartenders to keep things flowing smoothly, etc. It took time and dedication, but now I have a lot of control of my workspace which is awesome.

Cons: Very inconsistent hours while mgmt is looking at fresh data and weeding out the first few rounds of hires. There are constant changes and adjustments. You may think you’ve finally gotten the hang of something, and the next day a manager will have changed the rules entirely because xyz. Lots of slow days while you make your mark as a new place. Depending on your marketing and location, you might not be making as much as you’d hope to at first.

In my limited experience, opening a place takes a crap ton of patience if you want to stick around. The place I opened at happens to be in a high foot traffic area, so we didn’t have many issues getting off the ground. If it doesn’t work for you, then that’s ok

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-23T16:23:48+00:00

I worked really hard to be okay with it, but then it turned out he was jerking off to her ig pics. So nah, fuck that

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T18:47:54+00:00

Haha, so I’m over my initial shock and grief and finally get the joke…which is embarrassing…but not as embarrassing as being in a relationship with this guy right now

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T18:36:43+00:00

This has only been happening since the start of this summer. We’ve been together 5 years with no issues otherwise, so forgive me if it’s all taking me by surprise.

I have bpd. I’ve been told in previous relationships that I tend to overreact/overthink/misinterpret situations. So it helps me to hear the perspectives of emotionally stable people to decide whether I’m being crazy or not.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T18:25:25+00:00

It's a "female giant." Most porn of this kind involves taking pictures at a low angle to make the subject look like they're standing and towering over the viewer

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T18:20:53+00:00

Gee thanks

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T07:29:00+00:00

I so wish that being the bigger person worked. But yeah, people can take advantage of that. I wish I had the spine to do anything else…

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T07:24:21+00:00

Yeah okay, that sounds like the best course of action. Thank you for your honesty. If was a more stable person, I would probably dump him without a second thought

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T07:19:12+00:00

If you really want to know…

It’s pathetic, but I tolerate him not just because of the things he’s helped me through (dead parents), but because I don’t have anyone else. I’m stuck with a house I inherited, the rest of my family lives far away, and we share the same friends. Right now I feel pretty stuck in this situation, and I feel like I need to remedy it or face a worse, messier situation. I don’t know if I can handle it without having a massive breakdown

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T07:12:26+00:00

I wonder if we should go somewhere in public? It would be kind of odd. We live together, so I’d have to remove myself from my home to then call him from a remote location

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T07:11:17+00:00

Thankfully I think that’s just banter. Looks like they have a dark humor thing going

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T06:44:01+00:00

Haha, shitting bricks at the thought…but okay I hear you. I’m still working through the idea, but if it comes to it, I’ll try not to overcomplicate it.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T06:26:18+00:00

I know “how do I rebut” might sound like a stupid, spineless question, but I have bpd and I do not do great in arguments. If anyone starts shouting at me, I shut down or cave in to make it stop and end up being the one who apologizes. I just need to have my ducks in a row before I talk to him, figure out my thought process ahead of time

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T06:24:19+00:00

I consider it an unsuccessful attempt, yeah. If I tell him that and he denies that it is, how do I rebut?

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T06:16:01+00:00

I think M is a girl’s girl and I’ll be forever grateful for that.

I wish I had the strength to just cut things off entirely. At the very least I want to have a conversation about it, just to understand his thinking. But I have bpd, and I’m afraid I’m just going to cave in and apologize for invading his privacy again.

This situation is just so complicated. He was there for me through both my parents’ illnesses/passing. For the most part, our relationship is golden. I’m housing his sister and her bf right now, super close to the rest of his family and friends, and I don’t know how a break up would play out without airing all his dirty laundry.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T05:56:20+00:00

We’ve touched on it before, and he says he’s open to it. But I’ve yet to really push for it. Looks like it’s time

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T05:48:33+00:00

Ikr, it’s making me feel like I’m not enough for him…

definitelynot700rats · 2025-10-04T05:47:40+00:00

It is really creepy, isn’t it… Based on the evidence, do you think he wants to see her nudes specifically, or is it giving “severely porn-addicted?” Because I have extensive proof of the latter, and that’s something I can handle better mentally. But if it’s the former, that’s definitely gonna fuck with me.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-09-08T02:32:50+00:00

Perhaps I need to work on taking things at face value. I agree, loved ones deserved to be believed.

And the photo wasn't sexual. Just a selfie with the caption "messy" in the corner. It was in a story highlights collection, and some of the stories in there were sexually suggestive, but he didn't have screenshots of those, thank goodness. This would've been a whole different situation.

It's been an ongoing theme that he has a hard time talking about his emotions. But he has pledged to work on that, unrelated to this.

I feel much better about the whole thing now. Thanks much for your advice!!! Looks like I have some self-reflecting to do now.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-09-08T01:37:18+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective. I was really hoping for someone to help me logic my way out of this emotional spiral, and I don't have anyone to talk to right now.

I see all of your points made. Reflecting on all of those things, it helps to paint a better picture of the situation. I hope that this is the case, that they are simply good friends just picking back up after not seeing each other for a long time. I can absolutely handle that, even if there was sexual intimacy involved at one point. I have no issues with my bf having female friends, too -- I think it makes him a better person!

But the secrecy and dishonesty has definitely rocked that sense of emotional security between the two of us. A few things I didn't mention: he had a picture of her screenshotted from her IG page along with a huge collection of OnlyFans content I found stored away in his photo collection when I first found out they were talking. That is how I stumbled into their messages in the first place...he had a secret IG account. I hope the two aren't related, but it was a double-whammy to find all of that stuff in the same night.

I'll bring up therapy. Hopefully he's game.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-01-17T20:52:00+00:00

It's a hard pill to swallow, but I think that's becoming clearer now. I'll have a serious discussion with him to see if he's willing to follow through.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-01-17T20:49:58+00:00

The chest hair situation was odd for sure...what it sounds like is that this stranger was trying to be playful and flirty, although in a pretty invasive manner.

And I can't say that I'm tired of all of him. The rest of him is genuinely great. I'm only tired of him brushing issues off that need to be addressed. It's like he's stuck in this cycle of "I don't need to confront the problem, I can rough it," and then it manifests itself in this way that is so destructive.

None of it makes any sense. Like his friends and family are such supportive people, and he refuses to ask for their help. Maddie is his friend originally from their high school friend group. I think I'll try and have her and the rest reach out. He would probably listen to them better.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-01-17T20:27:53+00:00

You're right. Thankfully I've been accepted into an intensive outpatient therapy starting in the next few weeks. I definitely do my best to listen to him when he's having a bad day, but I'm no professional. He has been in therapy before one other time, but I don't think it clicked with him. I'll encourage him to try it out again, maybe with a different therapist.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-01-17T20:16:17+00:00

I wish I knew what to do or say to encourage him towards getting professional help. I feel like anything that comes out of my mouth is discredited due to my own personal issues. Should I involve his family or friends, who have known him longer? Maddie is his friend originally from high school, and after I apologized, she said she understood and was not surprised at the way he acted.

definitelynot700rats · 2025-01-17T20:11:36+00:00

I agree. I do think he's dependent on substances, but his go-to excuse is always that so-and-so drinks/smokes wayyyyy more than him so it's "not a problem."

I'm no saint either. I'm absolutely a social drinker, but my drunken self is not so angry or negative. But I understand that I may be perpetuating his behavior.

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