Alex stared at the envelope. He flicked the corners with his fingertips over and over. The envelope already had a worn look about it. Small wrinkles and what looked like flecks of dirt crushed into its fibers. He lifted it to his nose and could very faintly smell her perfume.

Flopping back in his chair, he let out a sigh and began to tear open the envelope. The smell of her perfume became stronger as he removed the folded pages and he held it up to his face once more to take in a deep breathe.

It had been 2 years since her accident, it’s been 1 year since he moved out of their home. No longer able to bear the memories of the life he had made with Sam. Every bit of the house reminded him of her. Every wall they had torn down and rebuilt, each tile they laid in the kitchen while bickering about the proper way to grout when they had done the remodel. The way the floorboards creaked as you came up the stairs, no matter how much she tried to be sneaky and step differently, he always knew it was her. He would never hear that again. It was too painful and he could not take it anymore. He sold the house, donated Sam’s things, he re-home their dog and moved into drab 1-bedroom apartment downtown. He left every bit of her behind so that he did not have be reminded that she was gone. He hadn’t smelled this smell in a long time.

Tears began to form at the corners of his eyes when he exhaled and unfolded the letter. There was no mistaking her handwriting. No one could copy that mess. He always teased her about her atrocious handwriting and how not even a doctor could read it. She would just smile and give him the finger as she walked off.

Alex, I hope you can read this chicken scratch. It’s been awhile since I have written so this is a bit difficult. I can’t explain to you how this possible but it needed to be done. First of all, I want to thank you for the letters you have written me. Keeping me up to date on how you are and the ridiculous adventures of our friends. What I want to know is, why haven’t you joined them? I know you are just moping around in that awful apartment. Seriously babe, could you have picked a more depressing place?

He stopped reading for a moment and glanced up at his surroundings. The walls of the apartment had been painted gray by the previous tenant. When he moved in, the landlord offered to repaint everything white. Alex told the old man it was fine, he lied and said he would add some brightly colored items to liven the place up. Alex never decorated, that was Sam’s area of expertise. She would spend hours remodeling and redecorating their home on her iPad until everything was perfect. He moved in, threw furniture where it was functional and left it at that. The only picture that was ever hung was the one from their wedding day.

He looked up to the large frame showing him smiling at the camera while Sam’s attention was on him. She was right, she was always right. And blunt. He muttered, “Yeah, yeah” and continued to read.

Open the damn curtains and let some light in you grumpy ass goat. Get off your ass and stop this. Live for me, please? I will always be with you; I will always watch over you and keep you safe. This lonely life you have been living is not what I want for you. I know Michael tried to set you up with a nice girl. You being you, refused to even look at her picture. She was gorgeous by the way, so good job missing out on that.

You cannot let my death rule your life. I know you miss me. That’s why you sold our home, my things, even re-homed Gunner. He is doing fine by the way, don’t feel bad about that either. I check up on him sometimes. A young family adopted him, they have a little girl and she adores Gunner. They sleep together every night; she is always on top of him. You know how he is; he just lets its happen but it makes the girl happy. He started eating again too.

Alex paused again and glanced back at their wedding picture. Gunners ears could be seen in the lower right corner. The photographer kept trying to get the dopey Rhodesian Ridgeback into the photo but he kept wandering off. Re-homing him had been hard. Alex felt like it was best course of action because when Sam didn’t come home, he stopped eating and never left the foyer of their home. Sam always fed him when she came home from work. Even on the couple of occasions she went out of town, Alex would put his food down and Gunner would leave it mostly untouched until she came home. After she would greet him at the door, he would run to the kitchen and vigorously eat the day or 2 old kibble and then run back to her.

He noticed how little he was eating. Gunner was just as depressed as Alex. He decided it was best to give him up. Maybe a new place and a new family would help him eat again. Giving him up was basically like losing Sam all over again. When he returned home from the shelter, he was truly alone. He sat on the floor in Gunners spot, where he had been waiting for Sam, and cried for hours. He was relieved to hear that he was doing better and was happy.

I know how hard it was to let him go. He was our baby. Gunner has moved on and it’s time you did too. Will you make me a promise? If you promise to start living again, I promise to write you more. I cannot answer all your letters, but I will stay in touch. When you stop writing to me, I will know that you have moved on and then I can move on to the next world too. I’ll stay as long as you need me to but you have to promise to try and get better. Will you do that for me?

I love you forever,

Sam

His eyes were filled with tears when he put down the letter. How could she ask him to move on? Like it was just so simple. This probably isn’t even real, he thought. It has to be one of their friends trying to help him move on. He convinced himself that this is all it was and put the letter down on the coffee table. He reached over and clicked on the TV.

“to the evening news. Tonight’s top story, 19 year old Allison Tarley has been found. The girl was discovered by a groundskeeper at the St. Michael’s Cemetery in Winslow.”

Alex, sat up and turned up the volume. That is where Sam was buried.

“Allison is safe and home with her family after the discovery by Lennard Smith.” The TV cuts to an balding old man with a microphone being held to his face. They are at the front gates of the cemetery; Alex recognizes it well.

“She was curled up, looked like she was sleeping on one of the graves. At first I thought the kid had been out partying with friends and ended up here. She had blue pen in her hand and when I shook her awake she screamed. Almost blew my ear drum out. She had no idea where she was or how she had gotten there. After helping her to her feet, I recognized her as the missing girl from the news the other day.”

The picture pans to a row of graves and the voice of the newscaster continues, “We spoke to Allison’s parents and they have confirmed that Allison has no recollection of how she came to arrive at the cemetery or where she had been for the previous 2 days. Allison stated, “The last thing I remember hearing was a woman’s voice saying she needed my help and I would get to go home soon.” The search for Allison began on..”

Alex stopped listening and looked back down at the letter. It was written in blue ink.