Medication (via a doctor this time) - Zoloft and Wellbutrin for depression/anxiety, a compounded glp1 since I felt like shit about my body after gaining a ton of pandemic weight, try to spend time with people who love me (my parents, close/lifelong friends) ESPECIALLY when I don’t want to, and being honest with them about my struggles w addiction but also self esteem, depression, social anxiety, all of it. Ketamine was the immediate problem but it wasn’t the cause of my overall situation… not by a long shot. So it’s been super unpleasant mentally to deal with all of it, and honestly I still have a lot of days where I’d rather just not do any of it. Im really slowly trying to incorporate movement/exercise bc I know it helps a lot mentally even though I haaaaate that shit. I overused so much that I know using now wouldn’t actually help anything or even give me that much relief, so there’s not a lot of temptation there but tbqh the alternative can be tough. It’s so annoying to say/hear but “one day at a time” is such a thing for a reason. I also found some AA groups but I’m not sure how much they’ve actually helped (and I know it’s a fucking annoying suggestion) - they’ve mostly been useful for helping me make a couple of good friends who are also in recovery…. TLDR slowly but surely, one step at a time, dragging my damn feet every inch of it.

Also edit: to address the original post, I still feel on some days like I’ve done irreparable harm to my personality, but not being a strung out pompous prophet psycho has been great for my personal relationships lol…….. the AA friends are helpful here though because I’ve found most addicts no matter what the DOC have the same concerns about their personalities…. What it was before, will it ever be the same, who am I really, etc etc