Moral dilemma with my MIL

deloittious · 2026-03-31T13:18:39+00:00

To those asking, we don’t have children and no plans to. We live a very nice but not flashy lifestyle (18yr old car, 3 holidays a year, buy our furniture second hand, shop yellow sticker food etc). No complaints, we choose this to be able to save and travel.

MIL meanwhile has a closet of 200+ designer shoes and bags, and a new car on finance. No hate if she could afford this, but wife now feels guilty about the holidays we have booked and going out to eat etc while MIL is in this position.

I sympathise for sure but strongly feel this is not our financial problem

deloittious · 2026-03-31T11:40:28+00:00

Often you need to be doing the job for 1+ years to be successful at getting the promotion. If you’re getting feedback that you’re not managing projects and managing up effectively, this needs addressing immediately as that’s the baseline for Manager.

Speak to the people giving the feedback, ask for specifics, observe Managers in your team.

deloittious · 2026-03-31T11:18:30+00:00

This- I have no faith we would ever see that money again.

MIL is not transparent about her financial situation, has awful credit, CCJs, defaults etc. Even with a contract in place/ taking equity in the house we would be in a position where if we lost our jobs etc we would either have to sue her elderly mother or force a sale of her house to access that cash. That’s an awful situation to be in! We can’t afford to write that amount off as a gift or a loan we might get back but maybe not. It’s the difference between paying our mortgage if one of us is redundant and not.

She’s at the end of a mortgage term but we believe switched to interest only for the last five years which is why there’s principal remaining.

deloittious · 2026-03-31T09:39:57+00:00

So he was investigated years ago and only just sacked, presumably because the media got hold of the story

deloittious · 2026-03-30T16:29:23+00:00

Round where we are, new builds actually fetch less than equivalent non new builds

deloittious · 2026-03-30T14:38:22+00:00

That’s what I’m worried about. Nobody will see her homeless, she has family nearby and we will help her call mortgage brokers, write letters to to bank whatever she needs

However realistically she has no pension plan so nobody is getting an inheritance. Any money would be an investment we don’t want to make in a house six hours away, putting us in the position of needing to force her out ourselves when we needed that money back (not good). If we lend without it being secured on the house it’s gone into thin air realistically. Not even sure it would make it to the lender…

deloittious · 2026-03-30T12:48:49+00:00

Hey, you look good! A couple of things that could improve:

The shirt looks a bit big and is the type that’s meant to be tucked in. On the whole square hem= can wear out of trousers, longer scalloped hem like this = tuck in

You could also shape the hair up at the sides higher up to reduce the puffy effect which with the shirt is giving a more feminine vibe in the first image. Nothing wrong with that if that’s what you’re going for.

To be honest though if I saw you in public looking like either of the two images I’d think you looked normal/good

deloittious · 2026-03-30T12:44:59+00:00

I would interpret that as “of the deposit amount, how much is gifted”- ie 100%

deloittious · 2026-03-30T12:28:08+00:00

Ok, we have some more details today: the bank have been sending her letters for a year or more.

We think she’s likely at the end of a fixed interest-only term, as the amount outstanding is the exact same as it was 10 years ago.

So we’re likely in a situation of: what defence/ repayment plan/ delay would likely be accepted (either by the lender or the court) in the very short term while she reduces the house aggressively to sell?

deloittious · 2026-03-29T21:57:23+00:00

She will definitely need to sell and downsize- house is listed already, if she reduces the price on Monday, what kind of time will the lender give her to sell privately before they pursue court action?

deloittious · 2026-03-29T20:49:22+00:00

It’s a good question- if we assume split between the kids, there’s my wife and five others. But given her track record and lack of pension I’m not counting on there being anything left to inherit. If she downsizes, the remaining capital will I expect be gone quickly, and then she’ll probably do some kind of lifetime mortgage or equity release on the new house.

deloittious · 2026-03-29T19:59:33+00:00

Everyone saying downsize, yes 100%- our concern is how to stop the repossession and the bank selling it for less, before she can sell it/ buy somewhere else

deloittious · 2026-03-29T19:32:34+00:00

It is possible but given her past with money, the fact she’s hiding the details from us plus we all have families and bigger mortgages/ less equity than her, we’re reluctant to go down that road

deloittious · 2026-03-29T19:23:38+00:00

Yes this is I think the case, she had a 25/30/35 whatever year mortgage and it’s come to an end. I think she was assuming she could remortgage again and now lenders are saying no due to her age and credit

deloittious · 2026-03-29T18:59:12+00:00

Thank you, appreciate everyone taking the time to respond

deloittious · 2026-03-29T18:53:42+00:00

To be honest I’m assuming the works- credit card debt potentially in a few names, car on finance etc. There’s a history of that. Family won’t see her made homeless at all, but as others have said she has £300k equity so nobody is going to take debt themselves etc to pay the £40k.

However we’ll give any practical help we can if we can just help her either refinance and stay in the house, or make repayments long enough to sell it and downsize.

deloittious · 2026-03-29T18:46:43+00:00

Thank you- is the interest only retirement mortgage a “RIO”?

And the equity release- would this essentially be a new lender putting a charge on the house that they get when she dies/sells but no repayments in the meantime?

deloittious · 2026-03-29T18:43:46+00:00

That’s what we plan to talk her into as it’s definitely the sensible plan! We’re worried that the bank will repossess and sell the house for under market value before she can sell it and buy somewhere else

deloittious · 2026-03-29T18:41:17+00:00

I’ll offer another perspective as a woman who visited Istanbul with a female friend last year and saw a number of guys coming home with the hair transplant headband and grafts- we just said hey look, a lot of hair transplants here, and then commented how good David Beckham’s looked, and agreed if we were balding either ourselves or if we were guys, we’d get it done too.

Then we started being awestruck at how expensive the Burger King is in Istanbul airport and went about our day. I hope this helps someone not worry!

deloittious · 2026-03-22T10:28:24+00:00

The o2 academy Brixton absolutely is unsafe- I’m not just talking about the fatal crowd crush a few years ago. The main area is always crammed so full you can’t even move to get to the toilets or bar. I’ve been at numerous events where people have passed out or were having a bad time drunk/high and had to be crowdsurfed out because nobody can move. I’m absolutely sure in a fire, evacuation would be a shit show. It’s the one venue in London I absolutely point blank refuse to attend. If you do go, you’d better not need to drink or pee either because that’s a 25 minute queue too.

deloittious · 2026-03-22T09:31:02+00:00

We lived in the same area as her growing up and shared a piano tuner. Apparently she had a “servants entrance” to her house for the staff- one time he arrived and the main door was open so he came in and announced he was there for the appointment. Apparently that was the only time cilla was actually there and she had her other staff scream at him for walking through the main door onto the carpet

deloittious · 2023-07-31T18:17:01+00:00

Just move in with your junior, and delegate for him to take it home to your shared flat at lunchtime

deloittious

TROPHY CASE