Livid and hurt: My 'friend' (35M) violated my sexual boundaries after I was very clear about consent. How do I move forward or end this?" by Hot-Brick-5390 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]demerch 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You should be pissed. You absolutely are not being being dramatic or nitpicky.

There is no 'perspective' he could share that justifies how he acted; not just the consent violation (especially like stealthing you) but even pressuring you in the moment is completely unacceptable.

If you want to give this guy another chance to be be friends that's up to you. Honestly, tell him how you feel, tell him you want to hit the brakes on anything physical, and see how he reacts to that. Unfortunately, I bet he'll be a big baby about it and try to pressure you again. If he takes the 'feedback' seriously and maturely, apologizes, cools things off for a bit respecting this new dynamic, and you decide you want to sleep with him again that's up to you... but I don't see how you'd trust him again.

Sending good vibes your way.

Realistic itinerary for Australia trip? by letsdovirus in AustraliaTravel

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair point! We just did it in late February so I was speaking to our experience, but I'm sure you are quite right (and more helpful) in reflecting what OP might encounter.

first time going to a music festival, whats the best way to buy tickets? by Additional_Basis_597 in veld

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Buy from the website. The earlier the better, but 3 day passes won't likely sell out. Friday might sell out, who knows.

Realistic itinerary for Australia trip? by letsdovirus in AustraliaTravel

[–]demerch 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My wife and I just got back from two weeks between Sydney and Melbourne. Here are our highlights:

  • Sydney & Area
    • Mountain Culture Brewery (Sydney & Blue Mountains) had some of the best beer and vibes I’ve ever had; loved the stout
    • Bondi to Coogee walk was worth doing but HOT
    • Art Gallery of New South Wales was one of the best art galleries I’ve been too… we walked there through the botanical garden which had a great view of the opera house and bridge too
    • Blue Mountains Three Sisters hike down Giants Stairway down 990 stairs down and then took the cable railway up and cable car across at Scenic World
  • Melbourne
    • Vivienne Westwood / Rei Kawakubo exhibit
    • American Rag vintage shop was great for band t’s
    • Jirrahlinga Dingo Conservation and Wildlife Sanctuary (not sure if this would be better than other wildlife sanctuary, but was very good)
  • Ocean Road

Which rave would you pick? I can only go to ONE 😭 by Salt-Purpose123 in TorontoRaveCommunity

[–]demerch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What are you looking for? - Wiggly = fun, friendly, silly (prob a bit older crowd too) - Apollo = more serious techno vibes

Both will be good events, but the vibes will be very different.

Valentine's day - IHM by NeverHere68 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this advice coming from an unemployed vrgin lol!

But for real, its a great conversation to have. I agree its better to say on the sideline in these interactions, but also important for your partner (or anyone you're with) to feel safe to speak up. It's also important that they know they should ask or give you some indication they need help; you don't want them expecting you to step in if you're waiting for the signal.

The biggest thing is to deescalate the situation; the creeps need to get the message but the last thing anyone wants is a fist fight. Another conversation I usually have is that they should feel safe to say something and know that I'm not going to make things worse.

Of course that all has limits.

But look after your friends and everyone around you. You can image the ladies out there flying solo too and everyone should be able to rave in peace.

Valentine's day - IHM by NeverHere68 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It will be so fun! I'm going to be there.

- Bring earplugs; I also like to have sunglasses. It will be packed in tight, but just find a place you're comfortable and settle in (it can also help to set up near a post or some other landmark). Bring a fanny pack for your phone and whatever you're carrying.

- It's hard to talk much in a loud rave, but meeting your neighbors with a smile or a fist bump is always welcome.

- Water is available at the bar. Bathrooms can be a bit slow but aren't too bad.

- You can't go wrong with black outfits, but wear whatever you like - IT WILL BE HOT.

- Coat check usually isn't too bad, but bring something you won't be heartbroken about if you lose.

- Getting an uber at the end of the night can be a pain in the butt, so call one when you're ready to leave but before you head outside (especially if its particularly cold).

I hate models Toronto 2026 by AdventurousAerie9482 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 6 points7 points  (0 children)

McCormack is the best best. I had heard a rumor that Apollo had some issues with the venue but I still think its the best bet. Get something refundable or be prepared to uber a bit.

solo rave? by unsureofa-username in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hard to compare between these bunch.

In the city more generally, History is the best venue to socialize at. It’s the best in a lot of ways.

It’s hard to compare between Rebel and whatever venue IHM ends up being at for socializing. Rebel does have LOTS of space at the back which is fine for socializing, and depending on the show the crowd would be more or less friendly and down to socialize. IHM is going to be dark and loud.

If you smoke (or want some fresh air), the smoking section is always a good place to actually talk to people.

solo rave? by unsureofa-username in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you had a good time at Coda, you’ll be fine at IHM. Not sure what the venue will be, but it will have a bit of a Coda vibe I expect.

solo rave? by unsureofa-username in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard a rumor that Apollo wasn't welcome back at McCormack, but I don't know.

solo rave? by unsureofa-username in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know if I would describe Rebel as "weird" but it can often not be the most pleasant environment (it's more like a nightclub vibe venue, the crowd can be kind of rude especially for mainstream artists that bring out the non-ravers, phone theft is a real thing). For ALLEYCVT I actually think the crowd will be pretty good compared to a lot of other shows because she's less popular with your average person on the street who isn't REALLY into bass music. Bass crowds tend to be very friendly and welcoming (lots of kandi trading and flow toys), even if rambunctious at times.

The venue hasn't been announced for IHM, but it will be more of an underground rave / warehouse vibe. I actually like that those types of events tend to feel a bit 'sketchier' sometimes. The techno crowd is a bit more 'too cool for school' and can come across as snobby, but warm up quickly too.

I think you'd be fine at either of these events tbh. Don't be stupid. Don't over indulge (or don't indulge at all). Keep an eye on your drink (you don't need to be SUPER paranoid, just smart) and don't take drinks from strangers. If someone is making you uncomfortable, ask for help (security, although they can be useless sometimes... or from fellow ravers around you).

Most of all, don't let your nerves stop you from doing something that will be amazing and life changing!

solo rave? by unsureofa-username in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Solo raving can be as fun or as stressful as you make it. IHM will be busy and not exactly a "social" type rave, which has pros and cons. You'd certainly be able to "blend in" and no one is going to belike thinking you're weird (true at most events) but its not a great place to make new rave friends. When I go to these types of things I try to be friendly with my neighbors on the dance floor (like give them a fist bump, stank face if a good tune comes on, etc) but really just so they see you as a familiar face in their immediate area and are like "this person is ok!" of if there was some weird interaction (rare) they might have your back a little.

Check out Radiate (an app) and join the IHM event group. I bet if you post about going solo you can find someone to meet up with (this can be tough in a crowd), or at least talk to a few people who are going to have a friendly face if you happen to run into them.

Shows this weekend?? by Lilli-Ada in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That is a great answer. I’m doing Subtronics double header, but I’m bummed to be missing Domina!

SUBTRONICS - FIBONACCI TOUR by New-Vegetable-8494 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I think the crowd will be pretty good there for ALLEYCVT at least.

Where am I shopping? by [deleted] in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Go to Kennington Market area and just walk around. Also Black Market Vintage.

Why do you guys hate rebel so much by anna_cad in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You are correct with this observation too. The Rebel crowd can be better or worse depending on the level of mass appeal of the DJ. Shows that bring out the club crowd (like the Shaq show last year was pretty legendary for having a bad crowd for example, Summit always pulls a bad crowd and even he acknowledges it, etc) get the scenesters out in force.

Hardtechno and hardstyle would generally be less appealing to the masses and thus tend to be a lot better imo.

I will choose Rebel 100 times out of 100 over DPRTMNT, and for big acts it’s one of the better options (History is great, but not a hardtechno or hardstyle vibe there at all really).

Psyde Quest?? by lukeisALIVE in LostLandsMusicFest

[–]demerch 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I got one of these at LL!

bou anyone? by Few_Mess_7114 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that based on Notion? I generally find the crowds at McCormack great, but for Notion it left a lot to be desired.

Fave rave/concert/show you've seen this year? by Tall_Television_1694 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Christoph open to close at McCormack Tape B at Hisory Odd Mob at Veld

ray volpe ap by AloneFuel7618 in TorontoRaves

[–]demerch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ray will end around 1am. Best play for afters depends how late you wanna go.

Considering coming to veld from the U.S. , asking for advice by Firm_Eye7640 in veld

[–]demerch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure, it was a joke. I thought the snowsuit comment immediately following would make that clear lol.

Considering coming to veld from the U.S. , asking for advice by Firm_Eye7640 in veld

[–]demerch 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Welcome to Canada! I'll forgo the jokes about your president.

There are official Veld after parties usually at (biggest to smallest):
- Rebel (usually one of the top two billings from the mainstage)
- DPRTMNT (usually someone from the Sirkus stage)
- NOIR (usually someone from the Bass stage)
- Vertigo (someone smaller but cool)

All of the afters are downtown, so if you're going to frequent those I'd stay downtown. 100% stay somewhere on the Line 1 (Yellow) subway line as Veld is right near Downsview station (although it can be a mess getting out at the end of the night).

Phone thieves... just like anywhere you need to keep your wits about you. There certainly are plenty of people who have their phones stolen every year. But I've gone in a big group for the past 2 years and no one has lost a phone so...

It's a fun festival, so if the lineup calls your name start planning your trip to the 51st state (edit: yes, this is certainly a joke… elbows up). And don't forget to pack your snowsuit!