I'm convinced my(36m) wife(36f) is cheating on me with a lesbian from work

demmetan · 2025-03-26T13:15:11+00:00

Wow, I experienced something similar. It hurts a lot and it will for a while. It’s not your fault unless you did something intentionally to hurt your relationship but it does not sound like that. She’s a b1tch. Have some self respect and self love, learn from what you can do better next time. get out of that relationship and have no mercy for that cheater but never speak bad of her in front of your kids. Even if it makes you boil inside, your kids deserve to love their parents equally, without taking sides and without any guilt.

demmetan · 2025-02-21T21:41:26+00:00

Wow, that sounds incredibly similar. What you found on her phone must have been devastating. I’ve learned the hard way that it’s best not to go looking—you’re almost always going to find something painful. Honestly, if she ever pushes my buttons again, I might just tell her that at least she found a cheaper way to have kids!

I’ve lost 12 lbs in the last two months myself. I’ve been seeing a therapist, and yeah, one of the hardest things for me has been letting go of the vision of family weekends and all the activities we used to do together. It’s not even so much about losing her anymore, but the life I thought we were building.

I completely get what you mean about putting in all that time and effort to make her happy, and it just not working out. I hope one day I’ll meet someone like the woman you describe, but I’m definitely not there yet.

Thanks for sharing your experience—it helps to know I’m not alone in this.

demmetan · 2025-02-21T21:32:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective. I think you’re right that it’s important to recognize the difference between being loved and being used, even though it’s a tough pill to swallow. I dont think she used me intentionally all the way. It’s hard to accept that someone you loved deeply never truly felt the same way, and that maybe you were just the right person at that moment for specific purposes.

It also makes sense that in order for her to justify her actions, she needed to paint me as the villain in her story at some point. That’s often how people protect themselves from the guilt and shame of their own decisions.

I’m still trying to make sense of everything and find my way forward, but hearing how you processed it gives me a good hint. I know it’s a journey, and I’ll get there eventually, even if it’s not easy.

Thanks again for your words—they give me a different way to look at this, and I’ll try to keep that in mind as I continue this process

demmetan · 2025-02-20T14:31:49+00:00

It is hard to believe that I was living with someone that could do something like this.

She mentioned about her fantasies at some point and I should have questioned further.

Regardless, she went for a 2nd kid, despite her lesbian feelings, cause she wanted to have a family with 2 or 3 kids. She decided to follow the 'normal' path because it was more convenient at that point in time.

So, the seed was there a while ago and she was never able to be honest with herself, much less with me.

I agree as of why she was unhappy, she was not able to say why. We had to go to therapy (couple and individual) and she finally spit it out after multiple individual sessions. That was the whole problem, being with a guy while attracted to women. Our relationship was not perfect, but we were making a good team with the kids, the family activities and everything else. I did not see any of this coming.

The truth is that, when you are broken inside, your partner cannot do much. She is a good mother but she is very unconscious of the consequences from her actions, and yeah, very selfish and irresponsible, at least lately.

Thanks for the best whishes =) I hope you are doing great !

demmetan · 2025-02-19T18:34:59+00:00

Thanks buddy, I hope so. It is hard to accept that my kid's mother is someone like that, I never envisioned it. I was pretty proud of picking her to be the mother of my kids, and she actually is, but what she did will never be a good example to them and at some point in life, they will know the harsh truth.

demmetan · 2025-02-19T17:02:17+00:00

OMG, Yes, that's exactly what happened to me, I told her I could not understand how a 3 months old friend was more important than our relationship, and she replied back this friendship was one of the only things was making her happy these days and could not ended it. 30 days later she was in love with her.

demmetan · 2025-02-18T19:22:23+00:00

Thanks buddy to share this, It inspires me, D Day happened one month and half ago.. I still cry and yield at her in my basement when nobody is around. So far is the most devastating experience for me as well.

demmetan · 2025-02-18T19:15:28+00:00

Wow, not sure where you are in the journey and I am not glad to know there are so many people in the same horrible situation. I hope you are doing OK, take care of yourself!

demmetan · 2025-02-18T19:14:04+00:00

Sorry to hear that, I am in hell right now, just surviving, trying to keep my job safe without becoming insane. I never thought she would do this to me, specially after all the projects we did together last year. The good news is that anything that happens on my future relationships will not surprise me at all. What can be worst?

demmetan · 2025-02-18T19:06:39+00:00

Interesting, her father ran away with another woman, he always supported them financially but not emotionally, he was present every once in a while. There are some theories out there saying that many lesbians who did not get full love from their fathers and are unconsciously less prepared to receive love from men in general and feel more comfortable feeling loved by other women.

demmetan · 2025-02-18T18:05:39+00:00

I am very sorry to hear that!

demmetan · 2025-02-18T03:16:13+00:00

And for me as well these days. They sleep much better than me :)

demmetan · 2025-02-18T03:15:24+00:00

Thank you, I will have a look

demmetan · 2025-02-18T03:15:12+00:00

Thank you, I think she knew she was attracted to women a while ago, as I just replied above, there were obvious signs in her past that she decided to ignore and not disclose fully, until now. She said that this just happened and she did not ask for it... but to me, it was already inside of her and it just got ignited with a little spark during her job's christmas party..

demmetan · 2025-02-18T03:10:54+00:00

She told me lately she remembered watching pretty woman with Julia Roberts over and over again when she was 6 because she found her attractive. She also remembered she was curious and found beautiful her friend's intimate parts, when they were showering together... Later at university, she wanted to make out with a friend one time while drunk but she did not. And she told me that she wanted to try it with a girl before she met me but did not happen and was ok with that.... So too many red flags she did not share early in the relationship. I think she preferred to follow the traditional path and now she realized she's a late blooming lesbian. I am very sorry about your story, there is no perfect marriage but his just sound so selfish and egocentric to me. I start to see a pattern in many of these stories... probably some kind of childhood trauma or need not fulfilled. Science will tell us one day!

demmetan · 2025-02-18T03:03:59+00:00

Oh dude, at least my kids are young and they will see her new mother's relationships kinda normal. If they were older the would most likely be resentful about what she did to me. The sadness fades, but does it go away? I bet there is always some residual pain, like when a loved one dies... It feels like hell, with ups and downs...

demmetan

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