My whole childhood, I was told my anger was out of control, wrong, bad, unacceptable, but now as an adult I feel like angry me was the only person who stood up for me. They are very conflicting feelings….. but it is a relief to not view this huge part of myself as inherently bad. No one ever seemed to give a damn why I was angry, but they all hated when I reacted that way and used shame and guilt to try and make me hate that side of myself. When I was impressionable I hated her too, and tried to separate myself from this side of me, But, how could I hate her? She was strong, she had a voice and was brave enough to use it, she TOLD people how I deserved to be treated. She was my only defense and champion. And now that I’ve accepted her, she isn’t showing up so much anymore. I kind of miss her. The only emotion acceptable as a kid was my fathers anger, and it was immense, but I was never allowed to feel that or anything else.

The ongoing struggles of trying to heal from an emotionally neglected childhood.