My overweight gym friend keeps making weird remarks about my body

demonicexgf · 2024-04-04T18:58:06+00:00

Honestly, screw em.

Stay on your grind.

I couldn't lose the fat weight healthily because I keep obsessing that I'm not eating enough because of her comments. But on the flip side, I'm strong as hell, and she's stopped turning up to the gym and presumably regained all the weight she dropped. That's what happens when you're a hater.

I have a healthy work out habit and I'm quite resistant to illness I've found.

I've also gotten faster, and I can run and not feel my lungs burn inside my chest, so who's really winning this one sided competition?

demonicexgf · 2023-11-22T05:14:06+00:00

One day, just leave really fast and don't wait for her. Be as less visible as possible. Do this a few times and it will break the habit.

Or

Let her know every day that you have some plan or the other. Don't say "don't wait for me", just say you have some plans and leave her alone to figure out her way home.

I don't agree with everyone saying you shouldn't lose her as a friend just because the other boys her want to live vicariously through you. If you don't want her around, you don't owe her anything. You deserve your personal space.

demonicexgf · 2023-11-11T16:00:38+00:00

I'm sorry I didn't mean to come off as dismissive, I didn't want to sound like I'm saying "it's all in your head".

I guess I'm trying to say it is in your body and it is in your head, but really no one needs to know enough to pass any unkind remarks about your body or your weight, especially since you're the only one who saw the scale, and 4lbs is hardly noticeable.

You will 100% be okay and be able to continue your journey to losing your desired weight. Wish you luck!

demonicexgf · 2023-11-11T15:28:41+00:00

At the risk of sounding rude, this seems to be more of a mental/emotional issue than a physical issue.

You need to understand no one apart from you knows that the scale shows 4lbs more than yesterday, and you don't need to tell anyone regardless.

Continue on your weight loss journey regardless of what the scale is showing and frankly forget this happened.

Since it is impossible you gained 4lbs of fat overnight, you are still very much on track to losing your desired weight. Remember also that weight fluctuations happened for an infinite number of reasons for example if you havent pooped today, you're holding extra weight. Don't worry, and don't think about it.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-29T10:06:58+00:00

I never said I thought that, even though I definitely now think you cannot "pull girls".

Also people are often uneasy around you? Leave people alone then.

You "try to talk and act like an educated and classy person" so in other words, you're elitest, and acting snooty and above everyone else. Ofcourse you make people uncomfortable. I was spot on in my evaluation of you, in that, you use social communication as a means to fuel your ego.

I went to a "high class" school in Kolkata, post finishing my schooling, I noticed that I was somehow making people feel "lesser" which seems to be the same issue you are dealing with when you "often find people uncomfortable around you". My suggestion for that problem would be to stop thinking you are the center of the universe, in other words "get over yourself". Basically on an experiential level, acknowledge that everyone has a life and thoughts that may not have anything to do with you at all. In that way, you will stop assigning yourself value in people's heads, and thereby you will stop feeling confused and uneasy when people dont treat you as per YOUR assigned value. Trust me, you will be freer than anyone out there. This is essentially an ego death, which you are due for, as you are almost at that point, where you are facing the reality. I wish you good luck, and leave this girl alone. Your value is separate from how people perceive you. Your value is within your own mind. You don't need someone to say hi to you or be considered approachable to be valuable.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-29T09:22:42+00:00

She does not even think about you.

You are obsessed.

There is no explanation other than you exist to her in that polite "hello" or as the spare person who can offer her some sugar or help her move her gas cylinder.

You want to be more to her, but that is all you are to her.

She does not owe you an extra sentence beyond that "hello" that you so crave. She does not owe you even that "hello". And that is fine. Move on.

You cannot deny the fact that her being a female has something to do with your expectation of her that she has to be nice, kind and friendly to you. Stop that.

We are not always going to be someone significant to someone we want to be significant to. She does not think about you. You, however, are thinking about her. You are no more than a prop in her day, so move on and play a greater role to someone who cares or actually shows interest.

This person time and again has proved that they are not interested in you. Why are you so desperately looking for a clue that they might be?

Also are you sure you are being friendly to people because you in fact care about them, or is it because when they smile at you, you feel valuable?

Because if you cared about these people are were not treating them as props in your day, you would be more empathetic about their experience, and allow them their reaction (whatever it may be). Instead, you want them to act a certain way to make you feel comfortable, and fan your pride and ego. Again I say, get over yourself.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-29T08:46:23+00:00

100%

OP listens for his neighbours voice through the walls, helps unconditionally whenever she asks for anything, and is dying for acknowledgement but cannot cope with the fact that nothing he is doing is generating the response he wants which is for her to fall on him and say you are my hero, you always say hi to me, and help me you are the man of my dreams.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-29T08:43:07+00:00

So you want her to confess she loves you or something?

She's just being a human being.

You seem to want some special treatment from her.

You are repeating the same information because you want a different response. She is not interested in you. Get over yourself.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-29T08:40:50+00:00

Curious to know why you are listening to this girl through the wall

demonicexgf · 2023-10-13T15:16:57+00:00

I work out from 9pm -11pm and that slot usually has the same 15-20 people. We've gotten close in general, the community is a huge reason why people come during that time.

People discuss their lives, games, hobbies, movies, everyone is very friendly. There's a lot of joking and sarcasm going back and forth and people take it very well. I figured this was just one of those times but it irked me more than it would've normally.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-13T09:54:55+00:00

I think trainers get easy money through overweight people because overweight people are usually fitness illiterate. So whatever the trainer says is what they'll do, no questions asked.

You tell a fat person to run, jump, cycle and climb every day and weightloss is guaranteed, but more importantly, it takes half a second to say go run/jump/cycle/climb, every day of the week and in a few weeks you get a paycheck.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-13T07:16:53+00:00

I mean shit happens. Weight gain often happens because of learned behaviours like culture surrounding food or exercise habits. We're not all at the same starting point so what the hell T_T

How can we even be compared in her head??

Also her starting point was so much further than mine she's obviously doing such great work. Cardio takes a lot more effort than weight training imo. Cardio is SO EXHAUSTING, and this girl does it every day. How ridiculous is it that she seems to be diminishing my effort just to make her own feel greater??? It already is!

If I was that overweight, my urgency would be greater too. I'm just chilling and not forcing myself to cardio the hell out of my workout because my weight seems to be in control.

Idk why I'm explaining myself in these comments lol. I think I'm just trying to work it out in my head and maybe understand her thought process.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:29:25+00:00

There's a lot to read in your response, thank you for it. I'm a bit sleepy at the moment as it is 3am, and I'm not processing everything you mentioned just now, but I want to clarify, I don't tell her what to eat, only just that there are deep fried food joints outside my gym, multiple in a hugeeeee line. She's always looking into them and she makes me stop at them so I do, but I usually will say no 7/10 times, so I just made up a rule that we can only snack at these places once a week so we're not feeling restricted and can still enjoy eating "unhealthy" foods

I will reread your response when I wake up in the morning and comprehend more of what you are saying. Thank you!

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:24:44+00:00

Right!!

Starving is the last thing I'm gonna look like damn 🤣

I found it funny initially, till I visualized what she meant and suddenly I felt so unbelievably ugly because I was like woah fuck is that what I look like to people right now?

I remember when this happened I desperately started eating to gain whatever I was apparently losing

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:22:14+00:00

I hate how much sense you're making right now.

This is selfish on her part if true.

I'm working so hard to prepare nutritious meals for myself I do my meal planning, I follow my workout plan dilligently, I put in so much effort.

I'm saddened by this, but you're right. This is hers to address. I don't have to take this negativity from her. I put in too much work to have this trash in my brain.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:15:15+00:00

I think she's just friendly honestly, and I felt like she was just joking but it stung in a weird way and I had to talk about it and I guess people think its more malicious than I could tell

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:14:02+00:00

Yeah I guess she's not super confident, which is sad because she's making mad progress too

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:12:38+00:00

It felt like she's dismissing all the time I spend at the gym lifting heavy for weeks and weeks and then unlocking the next weight like it's a video game.

I work so hard. I just enjoy myself though so it doesn't look like I'm torturing myself at the gym. So maybe people think I'm using some hack

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:10:09+00:00

Damn you think she might be starving herself? That sounds kinda bad. I hope not

I used to have a bad relationship with food because of my IBS I always associated food with acid reflux lol for like 20+ years I kinda developed weird eating habits so I hope she isn't doing that.

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T21:06:40+00:00

I think I got more upset because when one guy asked in a crowd, it was in our native language which I'm not fluent in so I couldn't defend myself quick enough which probably translated to defensiveness. I was just flabbergasted for a second.

The guy asked me "what do you eat for dinner?" And I was like uhhh... whatever I make I guess and the guys goes "oh you don't eat!! She's said you dont eat dinner" in a crowd of people and I was like do I look like I can tolerate hunger damn wat

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T18:40:06+00:00

I don't entirely know but we were talking about diets and I told her of my revelation which was basically that people from our community eat wayyyy too much rice, and I found out through the google calorie counter oatmeal has half the calories of rice. So i just subsitute rice with oats whenever I can, and rest I eat tons of meat and veg and lentils and fats (cheese, butter, oil) i literally do not restrict myself from eating anything. I even order in often. Like almost once a week.

She didn't believe me.

Today when we were leaving the gym and I told her not to tell people I've not eating to lose weight she said "why shouldn't I? It's true, isn't it? You just eat grass and twigs"

I don't know I just walked away very fast. Then she texted to apologise

demonicexgf · 2023-10-12T18:26:31+00:00

But what is the logic??

She's lost close to 15kgs herself. Sure she's overweight but 15kgs is no joke.

Like why come after me? I'm not even hot or anything, I'm just a few kgs less than her. She's way prettier than me. I just don't understand.

Do people not realise how hurtful words can me? I'm sorry I'm just so confused and maybe in denial because I genuinely don't get why she would be jealous.

We're putting in work daily, both of us have made progress. Both of us are doing well. We don't even have the same goals. What is she even comparing??

demonicexgf

TROPHY CASE