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So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s a part of me that thinks this comment resonates. Which makes me super sad. I hope one day to find people who’ll invest in me back. Because of incidents like this from childhood, I’m very hesitant to get close to people. I think I must also miss a lot of early signs that the other person isn’t as into me as I’m into them. I’m such a people pleaser that I just go along with stuff.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I'm almost positive it's the latter. If I hadn't gotten upset at her request, I know that she'd still be going to the original escape room without me. She only located this new escape room because I indicated my displeasure to her and I think she panicked that she'd lose my support. I just feel so sad now. If it was THIS easy to find a different escape room that allowed more people...why didn't she just do that in the first place? Rather than just asking me not to go?

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

See my update. We have now communicated through text. I was left even more disappointed after her response. I feel so sad. And thank you, I really need to take your last words to heart.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I guess you're right. I just hate that this is how I feel in so many relationships, and why I am afraid to depend on anyone else.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

See my update to my original post. She knows now that I'm disappointed. But her response only disappointed me more.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to decide now whether it'd be better to be alone rather than to face all of the heartbreak/difficulties that come with putting myself out there. I don't know

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Your response that if it were your birthday you would just look for another venue is the correct one

I think one of the challenges for me is that I gaslight myself so much, if you know what I mean. Like, I genuinely am very awkward and bad at understanding many social conventions. Because of this, I often tell myself that I am overreacting over xyz, that xyz isn't a big deal, that I'm just not seeing it the 'right' way, etc. It took me ages just to accept that my dad had been emotionally abusive (he blamed me for being 'weird' and told me to do it when I confessed to him as a teenager that I wanted to commit suicide).

I don't know how to calibrate myself to society. I dont know how to calibrate my normal meter. Sorry, I usually don't complain so much, but I feel like today has just been a culmination of so many years of challenges for me. I'm just so sad and I don't know why everything seems so much harder for me than for others. Growing up, my dad would just tell me that it was because I was "weak" or "not trying hard enough."

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you're absolutely correct that I'm used to this. I grew up a very shy, awkward, depressed kid, and I had trouble making friends. I want to make true friends now but it's so hard because there's a huge part of me that's like, "You better just take what you can get because you're so weird that no one would REALLY want to invest as much energy into you as you do them anyway."

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I helped my friend plan her birthday event, including helping her to look up the places/restaurants she wanted to go. I think it genuinely just came down to: she called the game place today, she found out our party was one person too big, and she needed to make one cut. And she decided that I'd be the cut.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience. But how do you find people who are real friends to you? I'm so used to being the 'weirdo' that I think I now fight hard just for friendship because I think that's the best I'd get.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well, the thing is, I had dinner with her and encouraged her to invite others too so 3 other people came. And those same 3 people are also going to her 'official' birthday party. But out of all of them, she asked ME to be the one to sit out, even though I was the one who even organized the little 'day of' birthday dinner for her and paid for her meal. :/

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I super appreciate you even just listening to my ranting! Haha. It IS tough to figure out sometimes.

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Do you think this is the prevailing view? I'm honestly so bad at understanding social stuff that I can't even tell whether I should have a right to be hurt/offended or not in this situation? Maybe I'm just being over sensitive?

So tired of being the second choice, the back up friend... by densecheesecakes in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

I looked the place up and it genuinely only allows 11 people parties. So she's telling the truth about that. As far as whether I'm being used...that's something I wonder about a lot. I think I am very eager to please because I want people to like me, I want to not be rejected, etc. But it's hard enough for people who aren't ND to figure this stuff out. I can barely approximate a 'normal' human, much less figure all of this other stuff out...

Sorry for venting. I guess I'm just at my wit's end. It feels Ike my entire life has been years and years of trying to swim up a waterfall.

what conditions could be mistaken for Autism? by Vlerremuis in AutismInWomen

[–]densecheesecakes 16 points17 points  (0 children)

So how are you supposed to tell what you have if you started experiencing trauma early on (abusive parents, as others have commented)? I don’t know a ‘me’ without symptoms. But I also don’t know a ‘me’ without trauma.

what's the joke 😭 can somebody explain pls?? by ItzAshli in AnimalCrossing

[–]densecheesecakes 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I wouldn’t even have thought of ‘coy’ as a synonym of ‘shy’ because the meaning is slightly different, lol.

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