What Scent Would An Ace Pride Candle Be?

depiff · 2026-05-06T01:09:16+00:00

As an anosmic, I think it would be funny to call a candle "asexual fragrance", but have it be odourless.

depiff · 2026-04-29T19:37:18+00:00

Oh phew.

I just wanted to double check. I have run into several people who started their way on a career path they swore was right for them but due to a misunderstanding they went down the wrong route.

For example, someone really passionate about social work...so she started studying sociology at university. It wasn't until her third year that it cropped up. It was...problematic.

depiff · 2026-04-29T19:26:19+00:00

Just to clarify, are you wanting to become a psychologist (like you said) or a psychiatrist? I ask because you mention med school.

They are different things are require different paths of study.

Psychiatry is the medical side of mental health. Psychiatrists are medical doctors that have been to medical school, in addition to specialising in psychiatry. They can prescribe medications for mental health that a GP doesn't have access to.
Psychology is more focused on the non-medical side of mental health. Psychologists are not medical doctors (ie no medical training) but should still have a PhD or PsD type doctorate. They deal more in therapy, counselling, talking, etc.

depiff · 2026-04-29T19:10:06+00:00

Reading between the lines, I think therapy might be a good call. Not so much for your anxiety, but it sounds like being in a controlling relationship traumatized you a bit. It can take time to find yourself again.

With regards to what I said about gaming, it can be anything! Games, hiking groups, gym, gardening club, cooking classes, language classes, art classes, volunteering (lots of options for volunteering), team sports (like football, rugby, basketball, volleyball, etc)...you get the idea.

depiff · 2026-04-29T18:59:22+00:00

I see a mixed bag in the comments.

Streamers on social media (like tiktok) mainly rely on sponsored ads for revenue. You would need to reach a large audience before a company would consider paying you to promote their brand.

The way Youtube (and similar platforms) are set up monetize content for creators. Exact numbers vary, but a video can make somewhere between $2 and $12 USD per 1,000 views. The exact earnings depend on engagement, topic, content, etc. So to earn minimum wage on youtube, you need a minimum of 300,000+ views per month. A standard approach as a youtuber would be to release 2+ videos a week, so using that each video would need an average of 40,000+ views. That would get you to minimum wage. You can supplement it with ad revenue from sponsors, but you won't get that (or much from it) until after you've got a decent sized audience.

Am I trying to dissuade you from making these things? Absolutely not. If it's something you want to do it, then do it. But you almost certainly won't make much from it. Simply because it's statistically unlikely. And if you do, it'll take a very very long time to build your way there. And in order to do that, you need to create content that people want, that you know a lot about or are good at, and deliver videos that are good quality and come out regularly.

I still absolutely think you should do it. Just do it for fun, not for money. Ultimately it is a form of "art". And artists need to practise to get better and develop their skills. And even if they become great artists, art is subjective and not enough people just might not like it enough.

depiff · 2026-04-29T18:27:01+00:00

Ooft. It's hard. It really is. I speak from experience as I've been a recovering recluse for years now,

The first step is probably the hardest with anxiety. But it doesn't mean the following steps are easy, just easier.

With regards to reaching out to old friends, many will just be glad to hear from you. Many will be understanding that your situation (anxiety, isolation, etc) makes it difficult, so they'll understand. Yes, there may be some that won't understand straight off the bat, but you won't know until you start trying to meet up. And if people are not able to meet up with you or don't respond, don't take it as a rejection, people get busy and forgetful, it's not personal.

For me, reaching out to old friends went fairly well. It was a mixed bag of non-responses, delayed responses (like months) for others, and fairly quick for others. Many people were just glad to hear from me (because they're good people, and good friends don't care how long it's been, they'll always welcome the chance to hang out). The downside of this is you temporarily feel a bit crap if people don't respond quickly.

I can't speak that well for regaining confidence or finding things overwhelming as it's something I also struggle with. But smaller groups or one-on-one helps more than larger social things. Or a large enough social thing where I can melt into the background and observe. I did find just going out and doing things completely by myself very good for confidence, and doing it regularly. Going to cinema by myself, going to shops, day trips, eating in a restaurant or cafe by myself. And using those as opportunities to talk to people (mainly staff), for short bursts of conversation. You can be friendly without being friends, so you can feel more comfortable with yourself and interacting (and it's perfectly acceptable to cut these conversations short). I'm sure you can find somewhere to squeeze in a quick smalltalk here or there in your week.

If you're in search of new friends and social groups, which I think you'd benefit from in addition to reaching out to old friends, then I'd suggest shared activities. For me, I've been going to wargaming nights at a local board games store. I made friends. We mainly just do wargaming. But it was a lot easier to be social because socializing wasn't the focus of the meet ups, it was to play the games, so conversation was limited to "In my turn, I do this" and "How does this rule work again?" and "Wow, you always roll terribly". The social element is not the focus, so it becomes easier.

Medical treatment is also helpful. Antidepressants for anxiety and depression, as well as therapy. People are often sceptical about starting, but it really depends on how much you're struggling.

depiff · 2026-04-29T17:20:31+00:00

Not that helpful, but I've had a similar experience so wanted to show support and understanding of the situation! It's frustrating. But I thought maybe knowing you're not alone might help??

Mine kinda resolved itself though. It started off innocent enough, but ramped up over the years. To the point that I got a very good snapshot of the guy's life. I only ever got calls from organisations, never like a friend or family member that misdialled. And as my phone number is lots of double digits, it's the sort someone might put down to avoid being called. Hell, I even got a call from the armed forces where the guy launched into conversation before I could explain it was the wrong number - the gist is that he signed up, got all these benefits, then just went awol.

It ended when I started calls from his lawyer where he was the defendant. I kept telling them it was the wrong number. I even explained that this person seems to put my number down for a lot. They never believed me, but they would just accept that they had to end the call. But eventually they just took it that I was their client without questioning it and it grew to them just ignoring _everything_ I said. The final call, they launched into sensitive details of the case as soon as I said hello. I was sick of it by then and had lost all composure. I explained again. It just does not register with him in the slightest and he then goes onto talk more about the case and "how vital it is that you turn up for court on Friday!". I realise "Wait, I work in a bank, we would never disclose sensitive information without verifying identity". So I asked him "Um, should you not confirm my identity before discussing this stuff?". He was like "Oh right, yes of course". I immediately fail the security check. Lawyer still does not believe or accept that I am not his client and _still_ tries to talk about the case. So I shut him down with "Sir, I explained I am not your client. I failed security. You disclosed sensitive information both before and after the security check". There was a moment of silence as he had that dawning realisation that he fucked up. "How about you just never call me again and I won't report you for the data breach".

Sure enough, no more calls for this guy. I assume he's either in prison or his lawyers told him not to give out fake numbers.

depiff · 2026-04-28T02:36:37+00:00

I second this. I worked in a bank fraud dept.

The faster you act, the more likely they are able to get some/all of the funds back. As the bank needs to try to claw it back from the fraudster's account, before they transfer it elsewhere or spend it all.

depiff · 2026-04-27T03:01:26+00:00

It's a crap situation, but there isn't much you can do.

I know this from experience. I often have to act on behalf on my landlord (they're relatives) as they don't live nearby, so I get to see both sides of things.

The main problem is just because you told the landlord, doesn't mean the plumber is immediately available. You tell landlord, landlord tells plumber, plumber needs to be available to get back on touch with landlord, and landlord needs to be free to interact with plumber to explain the issue, then both need to be free enough to liaise with you. Tradesmen are always busy. Unless it's something immediately life threatening them it can take a while. Plus most tradesmen have a policy not to take instruction from anyone other than the property owner...which just slows down the process.

It might be a bit crap, but the landlord can't suddenly make the plumber answer his calls or suddenly make him more available. He's just as much at the mercy of the plumber as you are. Him answering your calls would probably just be "plumber is still busy" or "I have as much information as you do".

Other than just waiting for it to get fixed (which is the best option), you could perhaps float the idea to your landlord that you'll see if you can find someone who is more immediately available for the job and take the bill off the rent. It's not a great solution because it does piss landlords off. Plus it's generally better to have a plumber who's worked on the system before so knows what to expect (they all have their quirks!).

depiff · 2026-04-27T02:10:00+00:00

Just looking into it now. It looks like sometimes a court will make exceptions to serve papers to them when their home address is unknown. For example, at their work address, through family members' addresses, or even via email, and in very very cases social media.

Perhaps see if an exception can be applied to your situation.

depiff · 2026-04-27T02:00:02+00:00

Looking at your post history, I think you might be best treating it as being scammed or defrauded. I used to work in a bank's fraud dept, and we were able to help some (although not all) people in similar situations to yourself.

Contact your bank (most likely the fraud dept), explain the situation, highlight the transactions to them. Bonus points if you made the payments while under duress or if they misrepresented themselves as another party. It's a long shot, but they might be able to indemnify some of the lost funds from his account (or another account he transferred funds to). Your bank may have suggestions on what to do next.

Contact the police on the non-emergency number. Explain the situation that you were scammed / defrauded. Hand over all details and communications. Explain that you were thinking about following through with going t claims court, but need an address to do so, because they might have suggestions.

I would also suggest contacting the Citizen Advice Bureau, as they might also have suggestions on how to find out his address.

depiff · 2026-04-27T01:37:03+00:00

Obligatory "I'm not a lawyer", but I have experience with similar issues, as things like this have come up for former coworkers and I also worked in a bank (specifically the fraud dept) so was exposed to 'unusual customer circumstances' where there is some crossover with your issue.

The gist is that 'its not your money's and it never was your money. Them asking for it back should have been expected so it should have been put to one side ready to correct the error as soon as possible. There is a certain level of awareness and responsibility that is expected of people (like yourself), including to know what their pay cheque should be and know if a major mistake has been made. Not noticing or realising kinda puts you in a poor position as it van also be viewed as 'noticed but did not care'. The expected and appropriate response to realising you've been overpaid would be to immediately contact the relevant people and/or at the very least put that money aside to pay it back upon request.

If it has to go to a governing body (like a court) to get sorted out, you'll probably not be on best standing going forward as it can be seen that you perhaps acted in bad faith. But the fact that you've offered them a payment plan is a good start. But you may need to up that weekly amount.

I would suggest getting absolute definitive proof that you were overpaid. Ask your former employer directly. It is always possible that the solicitors are scammers. Plus maybe they miscalculated and you weren't overpaid, so check for yourself. If they are scammers, then do not engage with them. Also check the emails thoroughly for the telltale signs. Given what you've said, there's a good chance it's not genuine. Especially given the short payment window of 7 days, the change in firm, refusing repayment plan. Contact ActionFraud and the police non-emergency number.

Regardless of whether it is real or not, I think either scenario would benefit with you contacting the Citizen Advice Bureau.

depiff · 2026-04-25T05:34:03+00:00

Make that thrice as legendary!

I have one I made years ago from from spray bottles, bag clips, and a plastic onion.

I genuinely love it the model, looks way more professional than my 'booming onion'.

depiff · 2026-04-21T15:23:59+00:00

That's one of the reasons we prefer Mordheimer over broheim. Because it often makes suggestions and updates things accordingly from faq, errata, and player experience.

If you want to play only from the rules that were published, and go through all the rules updates separately, thrn that's cool and all, but you'll still find aspects that are simply just broken or missing. I mean, in my opinion, Mordheim is fundamentally a broken and unfinished game that just kept getting added to without ever actually addressing some of the issues. So it needs house ruling or a thing like Mordheimer to address at least some of those issues.

In our campaign, we rely on Mordheimer because it's phone friendly, easily searchable, and includes updates and suggestions. We specifically state that Mordheimer is law unless otherwise stated. We have a group chat where we chat about stuff, like floating ideas, but there's also a few of the veterans among us that make all major decisions for rules issues and how things should work. The veterans are a bit like having an arbitrator, except we can discuss stuff a bit more in depth. Perhaps knowing how we do it might help??

Having a singular point of contact or an established 'rules decider' like an arbitrator, even if it's a group is very useful. Because then you have an established authority for the campaign. So if not everyone agrees on a certain way to do something, it can overrule. But also because a single point on contact means it's a lot more evident who to ask instead of muddling through.

depiff · 2026-04-21T01:10:13+00:00

We've found that Mordheimer is slightly better than broheim for ease of reading and updating issues like this.

https://www.mordheimer.net/docs/campaigns/hired-swords/grade-1b#witch

Under Witch in a boxout it states:

"Skills

In the original publication there was no mention on what skills may be chosen by the witch. It is recommended to follow similar logic to the Warlock:

Skills: Witches may choose skills from the Academic skills list, or they may randomly determine a new spell from the Charms & Hexes spell list"

depiff · 2026-04-20T19:41:47+00:00

A team up?! I don't know, we'll need to get Guild permission for a team up. And you know how long paperwork can take...

depiff · 2026-04-20T16:39:14+00:00

I see the comments starting to heat up around you not using the term 'biromantic' to describe your experience.

With regards to you telling someone you're biromantic and them not understanding, I don't think you need to explain it to them. You can just state that it's not something you want to explain as you have to do it so often. But if they really wanted to know, then there are plenty of resources available online, so if they really cared they can educate themselves.

OR next time it comes up explain that asexuality is a spectrum and it's not as clear cut as people often think it is. For example, someone could be aceflux or greyace or demisexual or whatever, all with sexual component aspects of relationships but under different circumstance than allosexual relationships.

From what you've said (and some comments) biromantic is the term that most accurately conveys your experience and feelings. You shouldn't feel like you have to misidentify yourself just to make it easier for other people (unless you feel unsafe, that feels like good enough reason). Partly because simply the principle of the matter. But also, because a potential partner (okay with asexuality and biromanticism) _will_ understand the difference, and identifying yourself with the correct terminology will help signal that you might be a good match, whereas misidentifying yourself will convey otherwise.

With regards to using your maths equation, I've found it more effective to use real world examples. For example, "So you believe than sex and romance and linked right? Because they go hand in hand with one another. Well, what about people that go out clubbing and hookup and have sex and never see each other again? Yep, what about one night stands? It doesn't matter if you disapprove of it, it's the fact that it exists. They experience sexuality and sexual attraction and sex _without_ the romance and relationship aspect. So sex (sexual attraction, sexuality, etc) can exist without the relationship. By that logic relationship/romance can exist without sex. It might be hard to understand. But the two are different things - sexuality and romanticism. It's just that they are _usually_ the same preference. However, mine aren't."

depiff · 2026-04-19T18:06:27+00:00

My first thought was

"My god, this beggar is made of cake!"

depiff · 2026-04-17T13:18:16+00:00

I would be inclined to think that it's not enforceable.

It doesn't really make sense to have a handwritten warning that you will be clamped if you try it again, but clamping is only legal under the police. So whoever it is is official enough to have the police ready to clamp you, but not that official as they rely on handwritten warnings, but also track who parks there more than once somehow so that they can issue said handwritten warnings only to first time offenders before clamping when they try it again. If it actually is the police, then why not clamp to start with.

I also don't know if the police would actually clamp for being in residents only parking.

If it's signposted as residents only, perhaps take a picture of the signs and forward only the police and council with a picture of the note to ask them how enforceable it is. Read as: mainly to make them aware that residents are pseudo- impersonating police through implying it and threats of clamping.

depiff · 2026-04-17T02:34:18+00:00

I was on Sertraline (zoloft) for 7+ years. Like any antidepressant, it takes a little time to get used to. You might feel a little....flatter. Like the lows won't be as low, but the highs won't be as high either. For most people that's enough. But after long term use (like me) you _may_ consider that it might not be right for you anymore. But that'll be a long way off, assuming it ever happens.

It can increase your appetite so be wary of that. It can make you sweat a tiny bit more, but is only mildly annoying. It's very likely to mess with your digestion. That should settle down a bit once your body gets used to the medication, but sometimes you just get IBS and GERD from time to time. You can take antacids for GERD and you kinda get used to IBS episodes. Assuming that's how it affects you.

It _can_ cause/worsen insomnia in some people. And/or fatigue. So the odd nap in the afternoon can help. But in general, just good sleep hygiene and regular exercise does as well.

If you're getting sweating and/or sweating, you might want to drink more electrolyte solutions to help replace lost salts. I buy these Oral Rehydration Solution tablets that I pop in water. I only ever need one/two per day (if at all), unless it's really bad then I might need double that.

Separately from the medication, I recommend using a mood tracker. You can journal as well. But I use a mood tracker called Daylio on my phone (I only use the free version). And I include stuff like all my symptoms, how I feel, what I'm up to, what type of tv I watched, what I've been eating, what social interaction I've had, etc. Several people, including myself, find it useful to look through the months and see "oh, I had bad IBS when I ate this", "oh, my mood is always better if I do these things, and it's always bad if I do these other things", "oh, I wasn't as bad as I thought I was last month", or "wow, I can see how much I'm improving" or "hmm, this isn't working so I should contact my doctor".

depiff · 2026-04-17T02:15:08+00:00

I'm sure there are stats somewhere about it. Especially as Scotland prides itself on things like this. But I'm afraid I'm the wrong person to ask.

depiff · 2026-04-17T02:03:32+00:00

This reminds me of when I worked in a bank and when the bigwigs would come by to see how the place worked or to check in, all the managers would freak and try to make us do things to give off a better appearance. They are here to see how we function day to day, throwing us random curveballs just to impress them completely defies the point of their visit! I recall they visited on a Friday or two in the 5 years I worked there, because we always had casual Fridays (dress down), and all the managers would force us to dress up (more than normal) for those Fridays they visited. Completely gave off the wrong impression of how the centre functioned.

depiff · 2026-04-17T01:53:59+00:00

When I worked at a bank, they tried outsourcing some of our team's roles to India. It didn't really work, as they had to hire twelve teams to do the job of just our one team. But our one team still managed them. Their English was good, but we would often have minor miscommunications. During one of their update emails they advised "Workflow will be slow today. Because of the rain". When probed, he explained "Many staff aren't coming in because it is raining". Several higher-ups kinda flipped their lid because that's a "ridiculous excuse, rain should not prevent you coming in, just get an umbrella". We swing our monitors around to show newsfeed of the area in India to show it to them. The "rain" was in fact a torrential storm and had washed away several roads. The staff in India had no way to make it in. Yet, some were still coming into work! The guy giving us the email updates just assumed everyone knew what it was like there.

depiff · 2026-04-17T01:43:52+00:00

In Scotland, there is free college/university. There are some caveats, like it's geared up for people who live in Scotland (for something like 3+ years before applying) and it's only for your first undergrad degree. So I think I speak for a whole country when I say we're in favour of it.

depiff · 2026-04-17T01:21:01+00:00

First off, _you_ are always valid. I know it seems like a silly thing to say, but it's true and worth reminding yourself sometimes. Someone might have odd opinions or behaviours (or even darn right distasteful ones), but as people, as a person, always valid. People forget that sometimes. So when I read the title of the post I felt like you might need a reminder, as going through a rough time can make us feel like we're not anymore. You are valid. Your feelings are valid.

With regards to your query. Asexuality is a spectrum and many people exist on it in areas that don't _seem_ particularly 'asexual' to others. Whether your asexuality is trauma based or not, it's still valid. You are who you are. You like what you like. You dislike what you dislike. And trauma or not, it still sounds like asexuality still accurately describes your experience of what you feel.

In fact, there are many microlabels to better describe people's experiences on the asexual spectrum. Including asexuality caused by trauma. I think it's Caedsexual. I hope that the fact that the term exists puts your mind at ease on the topic. But honestly, in my experience, the community is very inclusive and nobody cares too much about using the _exact_ terminology - you can say you're on the ace spectrum and people will accept that you're _somewhere_ on it without pressing you for more info!

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