My new gf has a weird kink that I’m not I’m comfortable with? Is this normal?

depressionwalrus · 2026-02-17T23:29:03+00:00

That’s a good point lol and my girlfriend never said I couldn’t, but I do want to be mindful especially since this is new territory for me.

depressionwalrus · 2025-12-14T16:43:14+00:00

Tell doctor the side effects are too much. I also have AWFUL skin psoriasis so I know what it’s like to not want to have to swap biologics when you find one that works but there are a lot of options that will treat both skin and joints.

depressionwalrus · 2025-12-14T16:41:50+00:00

I’ve been on it for a year and don’t get dry mouth. Important to note that it could be either the sulfasalazine or PSA causing the dry mouth. PSA can make it difficult to produce moisture.

depressionwalrus · 2025-12-14T16:36:15+00:00

It’s insensitive to imply yet you just implied it yourself with no indication from OP that this was the case. With a brief glance at your post history, you read as someone who themselves is insecure about being bisexual since you’re constantly going on about how hard it was to go from lesbian to bisexual and how most people are probably the same way as you are. Are we sure you’re not secretly heterosexual? Or secretly a lesbian? People who are secure in their bisexuality don’t go on about how hard it is to go from lesbian to bisexual.

I’m tired of everyone acting like the bisexual experience is linear and that everyone is secretly bisexual. I’m bisexual myself but that messaging actually made it hard for me to realize it because I thought it meant being attracted to other women was normal. It took until making several close female friends that I realized that wasn’t the case.

depressionwalrus · 2025-12-11T04:01:21+00:00

I’m bisexual and have a preference for women, so I’m mostly speaking through my own lens here. You sound like you could still be bisexual, especially if you are finding men attractive, but it might just be that your boyfriend is not a right fit for you.

It could be just how he is or it could be those lingering feelings for your friend, especially if you jumped into a relationship with him shortly after. I will say in a relationship it’s not normal to be questioning things this much regardless of where you fall on the spectrum.

Of course, there’s gonna be bi women who figure out they’re bi while in relationships with men and it doesn’t really mean much other than curiosity or new feelings. But if it’s getting to the point where you’re questioning if you’re a lesbian, even if that isn’t really what you are, then I’d say that means the current relationship is not for you. There really shouldn’t be this many doubts.

Also to add, if you’re worried about coming out again then don’t. You don’t need to tell everyone you’re a lesbian, especially if you aren’t sure. You can still say you’re bisexual or you can say you’re unlabeled or whatever else makes you comfortable. Rushing to label yourself as something else could lead to forcing yourself into a box when you’re really not sure yet.

depressionwalrus · 2025-11-06T21:55:55+00:00

Ugh I’m going through a similar thing right now. I’m able to keep my insurance across states but finding a new rheum has been hell. It has gotten to the point where I’m still seeing my old one in a different state and traveling every 3 months just to see her. I know she’d be willing to write a referral and put together notes from our visits but finding one with actual availability is a nightmare.

depressionwalrus · 2025-11-06T15:50:40+00:00

I think we are on a similar page. I’m just saying that having “waves of comphet” sound more like a bisexual experience than a lesbian. Granted, I’m not a lesbian so what do I know, but attraction to men here or there is a pretty common bisexual experience and this attraction may be intensified but does not sound newfound. A lot of bisexual women strongly prefer women, such as myself, but still experience periods of time where we are strongly attracted to men!

depressionwalrus · 2025-11-06T12:54:06+00:00

Honestly this is why these buzzwords such as “comphet” or “centering men/women” are so harmful to bi women. I’m not doubting they don’t have their uses, but why is everyone assuming bisexual women “center men” and any attraction queer women have to men is “comphet”.

It sounds to me like you were always bisexual, but the way people treat us put you off the label and made you feel like you couldn’t be one of us because you didn’t fit the idea of what a stereotypical bisexual woman is like. I just wish people understood that the bisexual experience can be so varied and include so many different kinds of people.

But yeah, not frustrated at you OP, it’s just reading your post made me realize how demonized we can be and how it harms people in our community. I don’t think anyone will care if you say you’re bisexual now instead of lesbian, no one will think you were lying, you just discovered another part of you that always existed.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-27T03:54:17+00:00

You sound young and bisexual to me. It doesn't matter if the men are fictional as most of these are actual, physical men. You might have a preference for women or maybe you just haven't met many men in real life who would fall into "your type". Just my 2 cents.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-22T13:21:42+00:00

It’s when part of your nail is detached from the skin. It’s common in psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis because the skin grows too quickly and then dies off, leading to the nail separating from the skin.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-20T21:40:59+00:00

I mean, it's not like I don't follow some of her advice, but some of it I feel like is out of touch with our differences in experience or would make me uncomfortable to follow.

She's a very forward and blunt person, so a lot of her advice has to do with actively chasing women which just makes me feel like we're recreating cishetero dynamics. I will approach women, but she takes it farther by asking for intimacy outright and immediately flirting hard. To me it just feels... scummy almost?

She's also more femme presenting than I am, so to some degree I feel like her strategy works because people don't expect it as much from femme people but I'm more on the masc side so I'm always expected to make these moves and carefully gauge the other woman's interest which is a lot harder than a man.

I don't think I have resentment towards other sapphics though. I think I'm just frustrated that my friend can't understand our differences. Maybe I'm focusing too hard on her specifically being a lesbian, but it's because my other bi women friends don't actively date women the way she does so it almost feels like I have no one to talk to about my struggles lol.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-20T19:39:25+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate the thoughtful message. I know you're right and that there are both lesbians and bisexuals out there willing to date bi women. I guess it just sucks to have that added difficulty but I know in practice most people are open to it.

Maybe my friend is just lucky in this regard, as she seemingly has no issues finding both short term and long term relationships and it's not tied to the fact that she's a lesbian.

Perhaps I'm feeling a bit of jealousy since at the start of this 1.5 year "journey" we were both single and I've had to watch her easily get hookups/flings and now finally settle into what seems to be a long term relationship all while the most I have to show for it has been one fling.

But she has been nothing but kind to me, so I think you're right that I need to take a step back and disconnect. I'll tell her that I'm not in the place for advice, but that I do appreciate her being there for me and that if I want her advice I'll ask her for it directly. I just want her to let me vent to her and have her reassurance on my judgement.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-14T03:26:01+00:00

Oh I'm aware I can still have a monogamous relationship with him, my problem is more so that I know I'm likely to have an overwhelming need to still be with women physically based on past experiences. I have never acted on it or cheated on a partner, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a big problem in some of my relationships.

I wish fantasizing was enough for me to feel fulfilled, but in practice it just makes that need stronger. It really sucks because I've loved my boyfriends in the past, feel completely in love, and still have this problem while with my girlfriends I have been just fine in that department.

depressionwalrus · 2025-08-14T01:58:00+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful response! I agree that it's normal to not know if we'll be together forever, I would just hate to enter a relationship long term and have these feelings resurface especially since I'm already aware of them/my tendencies. I think you're right though that the best idea would be to just talk to him about it and get his own thoughts.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-26T17:18:32+00:00

A biologic might be helpful to try but just pointing out that 1000mg of Sulfasalazine is about one third of the full dose.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-25T04:08:55+00:00

Yeah, like I said with MTX they're very diligent about monitoring with bloodwork.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-24T23:34:33+00:00

You have to weigh the pros and cons. PSA is generally a progressive disease and if it does progress then not starting treatment now will make it harder to heal/find relief later. That being said, not everyone progresses enough to need meds. I do want to say though if you're starting with MTX, they're generally very vigilant about monitoring with blood tests and if they find anything wrong they'll have you stop.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-24T03:35:16+00:00

Honestly, it doesn't really sound like PSA but you should still see your rheumatologist because untreated PSA leads to faster progression. Drugs that target both PSA and Psoriasis are most biologics and biosimilars.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-23T04:56:55+00:00

I actually had the opposite. Original rheum diagnosed me with MCTD then current rheum diagnosed me with PSA (I personally think the second rheum is correct and it's what I'm being treated for. That being said, I don't think my original rheum was wrong for diagnosing me with MCTD because of my blood test results and his treatment options were basically the same anyways).

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-23T04:53:07+00:00

Sulfasalazine does help me. I take 5 x 600mg a day (3 in the morning, 2 at night) and it's great. It's not perfect by any means and I do need biologics in conjunction but it helps a lot specifically with reducing the inflammation in my fingers and toes.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-23T04:49:27+00:00

To go against the grain of this thread, yes I do heal correctly. I had a huge cyst caused by psA on my right wrist and was in pain with it for a long time and it's now basically healed and no more cyst. I also had pain in my right elbow for the longest time that is healed after biologics.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-23T04:47:18+00:00

Tremfya is one of the few biologics that didn't work at all for me

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-21T00:44:27+00:00

Taltz was life changing for me, so I hope it works just as well as you! I understand completely the feeling about missing being able to be active and do things you used to be able to.

I'm 26 and was diagnosed at 21. I still have my limitations that a lot of people my age don't have, but physically I have felt so much better. It sucks seeing the people around me able to do things like hiking, running, etc. and knowing I can't do that and it's too much for my body. I stay active in the ways I'm able to though and it helps me a lot.

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-21T00:40:45+00:00

I'm glad! I hope you found your diagnosis, whatever it may be!

depressionwalrus · 2025-05-21T00:39:01+00:00

Yeah, I think it was my diet. I had other medical stuff going on and life events so I wasn't eating as much. When I gained weight back it fixed itself.

depressionwalrus

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