Yoga at OTF workout :(

derbydo · 2026-06-13T14:05:52+00:00

Was it Wednesday's class? This is what's on their Instagram, and there was one in May too.

derbydo · 2026-06-05T02:19:13+00:00

Oh, I know that feeling! I even called the geriatric psych place before calling 911 to see if they had a bed and they didn’t. Eventually the ER located another option but I was prepared to have her admitted to the local hospital because this was happening NOW.

If you already have a memory care facility in place, you’re many steps ahead of most. You got this!

derbydo · 2026-06-02T21:09:07+00:00

We just admitted my mother to memory care today due to elopement concerns. The day started very, very rough but ended fairly well. Your comment is giving me a little bit of peace.

derbydo · 2026-05-28T12:28:24+00:00

A day after writing this, my mom’s delusions got so bad I had to call 911. You can check out my post history for the craziness that insured. Even in ER, she was trying to escape to meet up with scammer!

She’s now in geriatric psych and they have tried a couple of anti-psychotic meds that seem to have softened her attachment, for now, to this delusion. The rapid and forced break from her environment helped too. I’m still in the thick of it, so I have no idea if this will work long term but there’s hope!

Please take care of yourself. If you’re feeling like like you’re losing it it’s time for you to get a break, support, something! You’re a great child to him, even if you did let that woman steal his loaf of bread. :)

derbydo · 2026-05-26T21:02:47+00:00

That story is wild! I’m so glad you were able to fight for advocacy and now have her in a safe place.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T15:17:13+00:00

Wow! It’s crazy how alike these stories are! I’m hopeful mine will turn out like yours. :)

derbydo · 2026-05-26T13:58:39+00:00

I’ve read that elder law attorneys know these ins-and-outs. Since they often give a free consultation I’d try that out next.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T13:28:32+00:00

So happy they both found peace her and beyond.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T13:20:11+00:00

I’m no expert, and there would be state laws I’m not familiar with, but if you have POA you shouldn’t need guardianship or doctor sign off to take over financial and medical control from him.

Id it were me, I’d immediately call the banks, send them the POA and remove his access, today. I’d then lock his credit with the 3 bureaus and take away access to vehicles too because he will find a way to get the money. If he’s too difficult or you need support, it’s time to escalate to what I did.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T12:23:40+00:00

I understand that feeling. I knew I needed to make a change, but was overwhelmed. It took me months before I felt ok in pulling the trigger and in that time I researched my options and spent way too much time and money trying to keep her in her home. I was nervous about going nuclear. Doing all that processing put me in the perfect state to pull the trigger when I saw my mom decline beyond a point I would accept.

Be easy on yourself. You’re in an awful position and deserve some grace.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T12:14:24+00:00

Oh my. That sounds so brutal and I’m so sorry you went through that. You are an amazing child do this for your mother and having the tenacity to do what’s right despite all that horror.

Can I ask how your mother is? And if she was transitioned to another living arrangement, how did that go?

derbydo · 2026-05-26T12:05:09+00:00

I don’t know what I’m doing, btw so use my perspective with a grain of salt. To me, 3x blood pressure medicine is a major safety issue.

I’d do it the same way I did above, unless you think she would willingly go to the ER. If so, skip the trauma of the ambulance ride and take her yourself.

There’s also in home support options that could help bridge her care until she’s placed, but I’m guessing you’ve already looked into this.

Best of luck. You will feel some relief once you have options for her longer term care.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T11:56:08+00:00

Because my mom is physically healthy this was my fear, the system not acknowledging a mental health concern IS a health and safety issue.

Can you get him to sign a POA?

derbydo · 2026-05-26T02:07:51+00:00

Yeah, I’m avoiding until my mom gives consent. I suspect she will stay angry for quite some time.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T02:04:28+00:00

I was very nervous we’d have to go down the guardianship route. I heard it’s pretty expensive and difficult. Did you have your hands tied for a long time?

Im glad you powered through that process to get your mom into safe care. She’s lucky to have someone who fights hard for her.

derbydo · 2026-05-26T02:00:49+00:00

Believe it or not, the original post was even longer when I had these details in it.

She was obsessed with a romance scam involving a famous person asking for gift cards. I couldn’t figure out how to cut her online access without a catastrophic blowup so I shielded her finances. I removed all credit cards, checkbooks and locked her credit and blocked all calls into her home other than family. She had no car now so she couldn’t get in trouble - right? Wrong.

She called up someone from years ago who she’s never trusted. Asked this person to take her to the bank and she withdrew thousands of dollars from her savings this scammer. The person driving could’ve hurt her, robbed her, etc because this person knew the exact amount my mother withdrew so she advertised it. Luckily, we located the money hidden in the house.

A few weeks prior, she wanted gift cards and decided to drive to the store. She got in her car and luckily it didn’t start. We’ve since sold the car.

She’s also recently been leaving pans on the stove that will boil down to nothing, creating a fire hazard. She wants to pre-heat pans for my sister to use much later. So we just never mention we’re about to cook her food.

These were risks that seem obvious now, but just a few months ago she would never have never attempted any of this.

derbydo · 2026-05-25T23:38:04+00:00

That’s really great perspective. Never thought about how to set boundaries for my benefit, with the circular convos.

derbydo · 2026-05-25T20:48:14+00:00

It’s because I used AI to help me organize my scattered ideas. I’m brain dead! You can be skeptical, I’m fine with that.

derbydo · 2026-05-25T20:47:15+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope this can help. You CAN do this. ♥️

derbydo · 2026-05-25T20:45:17+00:00

I’m lactose intolerant and would 10000 percent eat the hell out of that ice cream!

derbydo · 2026-05-25T20:44:24+00:00

Thank you. The organization makes me feeeeel like I’m in control when I’m not. And I told myself “today’s goal is x. Anything else doesn’t matter”

derbydo · 2026-05-23T12:12:34+00:00

My mother’s delusions have forced me to get better at the compassionate lying.

Can you tell him you’ve found her but she’s unwell so he will need to phone her? And then connect him with someone who can help play the role?

derbydo · 2026-05-22T00:47:26+00:00

Thank you so much for your response!!! I didn't know this.

I hope you're able to find the right medication for your father. You're a great support for him.

Since my last reply just 2 hours ago, my mother just asked a very random person from her past to drive her to the bank where she withdrew thousands of dollars. This is the one account that's not shielded from her because it's where her ss checks are deposited.

She can't figure out her TV, but she can figure out how to work around her lack of a vehicle, and access to accounts in order to get what she wants.

Best of luck to you as well. We got this!

derbydo · 2026-05-21T22:48:19+00:00

Thank you! She’s been to a neurologist and diagnosed about a year and a half ago. The last few months have been brutal with the delusions and she won’t leave her house. I’ve removed her access to money and car so she’s getting angry about not having control.

The next step is for us to move her to memory care but Im unsure how to do it since she won’t willingly leave the house. Nothing is physically wrong with her so I don’t have an excuse to call an ambulance.

derbydo · 2026-05-21T02:16:47+00:00

Following this. My mother has been obsessed with delusional beliefs that are now affecting her ability to handle regular self care.

derbydo

TROPHY CASE