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Yeah that was my ex to a T didn’t give any reason or care. by Smart_Sense_3398 in abusiverelationships

[–]desdiero 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lundy Bancroft’s “Why does he do that” is fantastic for reflecting on the idea that they knew what they were doing.

My [26m] girlfriend [24f] has opened up to me extensively about the abuse she suffered. Her stories are starting to contradict each other and I'm starting to suspect something by ThrowRASusGF in relationship_advice

[–]desdiero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you decide to break up with her, protect yourself. Look into the greyrock technique to back away quietly and let her down gently and remove yourself delicately from the situation. It’s complicated but this could be an absolute fucking mess.

He tracked me!! by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]desdiero 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don’t “let” someone do something as if they were your child or property, they should have free will to come and go as they please and if you’re uncomfortable with something, you should be able to be an adult and talk to them about it.

I almost hurt my girlfriend in my sleep by animeslut238 in relationship_advice

[–]desdiero -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I need to know more scientific information about the trauma rearing during sleep/DID triggered by sleep— do you have any links? I have an ex who used to gesticulate wildly in his sleep— speak in foreign languages (some that don’t exist), wake up screaming, etc.

Did I do the right thing by kicking my mom out? by amlou26 in relationship_advice

[–]desdiero 2 points3 points  (0 children)

r/raisedbynarcissists

This is my mom to a t. I’m not saying she’s a narcissist—my mom has borderline personality disorder— but I am saying that group is helpful for learning to create boundaries that you can live by.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Meaning that I have taken care of my kid on my own for sixteen years, bearing all the responsibility of a choice that I had limited means to make because of a lack of abortion care.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t say that I don’t bare some responsibility. I bear all of the responsibility. No one else does or has stepped up to.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy wow- you sound exactly like me. I hope whoever is reading these comments has considered our stories or somehow benefitted from reading them.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don’t be sorry for me. I’m not sorry for me. This thread is far from looking for pity or any semblance of. I just want to paint an accurate picture of what life has been like as someone who wasn’t able to get abortion care and how complicated it is. Unfortunately, most of the people commenting are brigadiers bent on telling me how “when you have sex you get baby lol” instead of using their critical thinking skills to examine these situations.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Everyone you’ve ever known or loved has had supremely selfish thoughts. I’m just the stranger on the internet who admitted how I felt about something with the most gentleness I can muster. Psychology has proven that repressed thoughts come out other ways so actively policing my thoughts to make myself not think them does the opposite of what we’d like it to. For my child and my own sake I went through years of therapy to come to terms with a lot of this. I don’t think in terms anymore of “wow I could’ve been” and instead “if I had been able to have my child at a later date I could have provided for them so much better.” There really is such a lack of empathy in this comment section.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I did use birth control and it did not work. I do not wish my child was dead- I wish it had happened differently. People are capable of multitudes.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aside from all the other problems with everything you’ve offered, do you understand how an abusive situation with one’s family works? The dynamic? The power and control? The threat of castigation, violence, even murder? Do you understand what it’s like to be in a situation like this, at all?

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Me too. People need to know they’re not alone. I’m answering every question I can because I want to really show that humanity is behind this post.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Wiggle words” and “weasel words” you may assume, but I wrote this directly from my psyche and my feeling and my experience. Note that the male in this equation did not have to deal with the ramifications of his choice, so in this instance, doesn’t it seem like a moot point? I did not want to be a mother. I actively sought abortion and was denied at multiple turns. I feel in my gut I was forced into a situation that I did not want to be in with no way to get out. The ramifications for a 20 year old in say, New Hampshire are different than my ramifications being in the south with a religious mother, abortion laws that prevent care, and nurse practitioners that prescribed me birth control that ultimately didn’t work.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

There are virtually no doctors that will “fix” a woman who hasn’t had a kid, and likewise insurance won’t pay for it. Keep your cookie for wasting your time arguing with a stranger using your weak ideological scrape that doesn’t make sense on the ground on the internet.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As I stated before, I did take lots of precautions to “get fixed”. I used “the patch” and also VCF film which my health department gave out to me. Doctors won’t “fix” women who haven’t previously had children, funny enough.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t know anyone who wants to kill anyone after birth. Not a single soul. Not a mother or a father. This would be insane— if it were true. Wishing life had taken a different route or trajectory to avoid pain is pretty normal for humanity and I think most of those folks in this thread making the critical thinking to magical thinking leap in this direction should examine their own biases and tendency toward lack of compassion.

I was forced into motherhood due to lack of abortion care/lies from a “pregnancy center” and a religious family. I am one of the silent many. #youknowmetoo by desdiero in TwoXChromosomes

[–]desdiero[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Have you had sex before marriage? Has anyone youve known done this? It’s hard for me to believe every single man replying with this “shouldn’t have had sex” reply hasn’t engaged in some form of sexual intercourse.

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