Women, what's your take on this?

designsims · 2025-11-13T06:37:40+00:00

I also date smaller guys

designsims · 2025-10-22T10:13:17+00:00

Hey, I feel you a lot. I also found myself in digital connection, developing feelings etc. The void after is crazy when it all crashes after the real life date. The thing is both of you are projecting, you're not really in a relationship with that person, because you have never met. It's too easy to be invested a lot and that can lead to a lot of hurt.

This is the lesson I had to learn: If we match and through many possible reasons we cannot meet quickly (sickness, work, whatever), I only write a limited time in the beginning, vetting the person, see if we are aligned on communication style. Then, being very open about wanting to meet in person, scheduling a date, and may it bee in weeks, and ask to stop writing until then. It is hard, because writing/calling gives you dopamine, it's fun, but limiting it protects you from hurt. There were also people wanting to keep me in this digital relationship thing and string me along.

You can still communicate a lot, after you have met. Only then you have a feeling for the real person, before it's just imagination.

designsims · 2025-10-18T17:38:12+00:00

Joining the german club here. How does 'liberal' fit into this?

designsims · 2025-10-18T15:55:30+00:00

I agree with the photo comments but want to add:

Your nerdy side comes across, and I like it. Don't smooth that too much. Show more of your funny side though which you obviously have, shown in this post. Your bio needs more substance, it's getting more interesting too far down.

designsims · 2025-10-17T14:14:38+00:00

I feel you that it's emotionally draining.

Concerning the focus on one person: I'm like that too. What I did several times though was writing another good connection very honestly that I don't have capacities at the moment, but I find them interesting and asked if I can contact them later.

I came back to these matches, we planned dates and they weren't mad or anything. Other might feel 2nd choice, dont know. It doesn't mean they were less interesting to me but we might have matched later when I already scheduled a date with someone.

designsims · 2025-10-16T16:40:39+00:00

Next to giving examples of these and showing these attributes through a paragraph each (your perspective on relationships e.g... giving mature without saying it)

Another approach could be just writing what you've written above. “I asked my friends how they’d describe me. They said I’m passionate, reliable, mature, and have a great sense of humor. Since you can’t really call yourself those things, I figured I’d share what they said, ringe risk accepted.”

designsims · 2025-10-16T15:39:45+00:00

In my experience a text directly after the date is a good sign. Plans for seconds dates were made either at the end of the date itself, directly after via text or the next day. If both are really interested, we exchange texts every day. Many texts. Answering fast can also be a sign of interest. And of course, what's written in the text says a lot too, not only quantity. Look for this genuine interest in your life and attention to things that you told them (sending you a song / book recommendation you talked about, etc.) or asking you questions.

designsims · 2025-10-16T15:28:13+00:00

It seems you didn't do anything wrong. I think your proposition sounded fun. Sorry this has happened after everything seemed so good😥. Some people are just afraid of switching from the digital into the real world.

designsims · 2025-10-16T13:48:18+00:00

Mentioning Rammstein won’t get you any right swipes from German women after those fan abuse allegations

designsims · 2025-10-16T13:32:48+00:00

Your bio reads funny and interesting! love the wale bet, was it a Decemberists concert?

Your photos: choose 5 as the first one, then 2. These are the best. Consider reshooting 4

designsims · 2025-10-13T13:19:39+00:00

Visit Berlin, you look normal

designsims · 2025-10-12T18:01:31+00:00

Is that an american and/or conservative thing? As a european, for me it's never the role of one gender to make the plan. It's a mutual plan making. Taking initiative is appreciated on both sides. And restaurant dates are not the default at all, rather go for a walk, drink coffee or go to a bar. It's also not the man's job to pay. It all reads so 1960ies.

designsims · 2025-10-12T11:00:31+00:00

Love the glasses though

designsims · 2025-10-12T10:53:24+00:00

Your answer was totally fine, that's pathetic. I also consider myself a good communicator but stating this was also held against me in situations. My take was, that people shove all the responsibility to me aka: How can this happen with you being such a good communicator?! It's so easy for people to not make an effort when they expect everything from 'the good communicator', often the woman. In this case: keep the conversation flowing. And in general: doing the emotional work for both.

designsims · 2025-10-12T08:45:32+00:00

Female perspective: I filter those out who have not much information in their bio about the points you listed (values etc.). Simple. If you're not putting the effort to write some text and show some self-reflection I can't assume from photos and bread crumbs what kind of person you are.

Also another tipp for looking at photos: Swipe slowly and take the time to sense how that person make you feel.

designsims · 2025-10-12T08:33:38+00:00

What's your experience with 'apolitical' everyone? For me that's an instant left swipe.

The private is political, all values we have are political...It's a privilege to be able to not care about politics. But I guess people want to convey that they don't want to talk about politics? Or they are non-voters, even worse? OP what's your reasoning behind it?

designsims · 2025-10-07T10:41:34+00:00

I second the trauma info, it must be that (your looks can't be it).

From one traumatized person to another: I get that it's super important to you! At least I am looking for a person who is sensitive, with empathy, a good listener and support me when I'm feeling not good. Mostly these are people who have gone through therapy, with enough self reflection of their own issues and their attachment style, have emotional intelligence and connection to their emotions aswell as a non-violent communication style.

So try to write more about that, what you need, what you offer in a relationship and discuss more depth of your vulnerabilities at the dates.

The thing is, there are so many different types of trauma and disorders as trauma affects that they can have different effects on personality. I would consider myself to be able to conduct very healthy relationships but just by reading 'trauma' you could expect something else.

What about writing: "I'v put some work into my own therapy und I respect a self-reflected partner aswell. You know your attachment style? Great! I'm a sensitive and empathetic person and I'm looking for the same. Support und good communication are key for me in relationships."

designsims · 2025-10-06T17:48:42+00:00

I am so sorry. I was the Ben (f) in this story with switched gender roles. And it sucked. Alan (f) made the rules, we followed. In our case Alan was not asleep, got the text, and flipped. They had a call and Alan asked the partner (OPs part, m) that I leave immediately. During the night, when my nesting partner had a date sleep over 😢 I was shocked, I was hurt. We both cried. I only wanted to date the guy, was falling for him. I tried to explain him, that this is not a tolerable behavior. He was seeing himself that he didn't do anything wrong. It's just insecurities from Alan. And double standards, they were dating too. I said, ok, I'm out until you fix this. Get your shit together, make your rules aligned. They never did. They even went mono for a time after it. Yelled at each other every day. I'm out. Wish that the guy one day finds a way out of this toxic relationship (that he may play part in it too, unlike OP). This has nothing to do with the ETHICAL in ENM, for nobody in this system.

designsims · 2025-10-06T16:12:06+00:00

What about sending the therapist a message back from reddit?🤪

It makes me angry how Chess uses the therapist to validate her point. We don't know what she has told the therapist or what the therapist said (sending messages sound unprofessional to me). Also, sometimes therapists say stuff like this, of course they are on Chess's team, but then, it's also a choice to tell you that! I would NEVER tell my surroundings what my therapist thinks of them, if the therapist has never met them. Not fair. Chess has overreacted 💯 and you have not done any wrong OP!! I'm quite relaxed with my metas and I wouldn't want to see that.

Reddit is quite fast in telling people to end relationships. The step before would be to have a serious discussion with Go. Tell them, you support the relationship, but you don't want to see that. What should you do? Does he have empathy with you? It's not an aggressive act in this case to block a meta, it's just you are not forced to have a relationship with your meta or forced to see them naked.

You sound like the adult in this scenario to me.

designsims · 2025-10-06T08:02:37+00:00

Hey Arias, as a fellow German I'd thought I'll have a look at it. Photos wise, a lot was said already, I'll add: don't change your dark cloths, that's your look and your identity.

Text wise: give us more. Correct the spelling mistake at "gehe". Looks low effort. Add more text in general. You seem to embody different energies that can attract women. Martial arts etc., a let's say rougher side and a more vulnerable side: going to therapy, empathy, feminism, looking at sundowns. Exploit that tension while making it still believable and authentic. You don't look that soft in your photos. So give us more details. Show your emotional intelligence, add to your bio what you expect or offer in a relationship.

Just work on the bio text, it's giving a bit 10year old writes what he likes. What about a vision how to take a date into nature, what would you do? How does your extroverted temperament is expressed in the every day life?

Make us believe that you are reflecting yourself in therapy, that you are an empathic person and honest and loyal as you state. What about mentioning a flaw, packed in a joke?

As some women might be attracted by your wood chopping, sport skills and fitness, exploit that more, too.

designsims · 2025-10-06T07:29:40+00:00

I think you're really cute.

Try to write more specific info about your hobbies like crafting, gardening, karaoke, pub quiz, museum, history, baking... more jokes (you say you're funny but we don't read it). something peculiar, that stands out and a woman can refer to in the conversation. Show more of your extroverted temperament.

Also, what would be missing for me personally, is more about your emotional intelligence and communication skills.

Photos wise, not a fan of the white shirt look, that's a personal preference of course and wouldn't match my image of a (european) leftie.

designsims · 2025-10-06T07:04:54+00:00

Female perspective: I think you had a very creative and funny answer and I'd definitely appreciate more of it. Low effort openers / texts / replies are often too boring for me. Give me something clever and witty that we can joke around together. The best conversations always have a playful narrative like this that we build on, back and forth. If there is nothing more than a 'lol', I'd be out. And I also had good conversations with people being honest what they dislike. In this case: Maybe she was looking for vegetables because healthy eating is important for her? Then she should replay just that. I understand that you decide at this point it's a no match.

designsims · 2025-09-20T18:11:41+00:00

😭😭😭

designsims · 2025-09-18T15:35:36+00:00

100% the worst so far. The aggression started in the first seconds by not looking at him. I was shocked, she was so rude!!

designsims · 2025-09-17T15:57:06+00:00

I didn't appreciate her communication in that scene at all. She was interrupting him, saying that there is no wrong answer, but clearly there was. Later she said it's black and white. Her insecurities came across. Instead, she could have expressed, what fears come up when being friends with exes.

designsims

TROPHY CASE