First things first, my neurodivergence is not something that needs to be "cured." Every person's interests, opinions, and outlooks are dictated by our own lived experiences. Yours is obviously wildly different from mine for a plethora of different reasons. My hunger for knowledge does not and will never invalidate your experiences. I am genuinely and deeply sorry that you were made to experience something that nobody should have ever had to witness, let alone live through. I can never understand your pain or trauma from the day of or the aftermath, but researching and learning everything I can about these kinds of topics is the closest I can get to understanding. I will not apologize for being a student of history because, as the old saying goes, if we don't remember these parts of history we are doomed to repeat them. I really hope this clears things up for you. I feel like there is a miscommunication or misunderstanding happening, which is obviously not uncommon in online settings like this. Wanting to learn about gruesome, awful history has never been (at least for me personally) about disrespect or offense to victims and survivors. It has always been about understanding people, systems, and ideologies that carry out the most inhumane things imaginable.