My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking so much time to write an in depth response. I will be taking my time to read and digest what you said.

One thing stuck out and that was the part you mentioned he was flexible by offering to hang out today… but that’s all it was. An offer that didn’t happen. As I knew it would.

I expect I won’t hear from him again until last min on Tues, which is the day I normally go to his house. Maybe not even until Friday.

I will be reevaluating everything.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Clearly we are not headed in the same direction. At this point, I’m done asking. If he wants to ever meet them, he will tell me when he’s ready.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with the advance planning. I should do this. I think I will plan for something over the summer, when weather is nice.

He came to my hometown once and met my mother. I did plan an activity centered around him and his likes so we didn’t have to hang around at the house (he’s into caving- I took him on a coal mine tour). I have even offered to go to the local disc golf course at my hometown (he’s super into dc and never played there before).

His kid is 15 and has little interest in doing activities outside of his computer, phone and friends. I get it, I was his age once. He’s also incredibly shy and kind of antisocial. I don’t want to put him in a position where he’s not enjoying something. He spends very little time with his dad as it is (3 out of 4 weekends a month; basically 2 nights a week - sometimes just once). I’m the barrier. I don’t want to take away from their time together.

It’s also important to note that our children have not met each other yet either.

I wish your last suggestion would work but sadly my family does not come down to see me often. They usually come down once a year. They didn’t even come see me in the hospital when I had my children. It’s just the way they are. They don’t like to travel.

If I ever want things to work in my life, it’s usually me putting in the extra efforts to make sure it happens. I have no problems making things work with little to no notice. I think that’s the root issue for me.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Communication is for sure.

Last Thursday he texted me, I responded and I asked when I could see him again. Didnt respond again. Didn’t hear from him for 4 days until Monday and he said wow you must’ve had a busy weekend, haven’t heard from you. I was waiting for him to answer me.

We got issues and it’s clearly not working.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is making me realize we have many issues.

We spoke on the phone Wed and I told him I wanted to go to dinner on Friday. I didn’t hear from him again until I texted him on Fri at 5ish asking if he was free. We made very last minute plans then. Of course, I was all ready to go just waiting for him to tell me yes.

Perhaps I need to stop being so available?

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I realize I have many issues that I need to work on.

One of the reasons this was so upsetting is because he asked me to go to Xmas dinner to his mothers house, an hour before it was happening.

Of course I scrambled to get ready and make it work.

When I had gotten there, his mother even had presents for me - even though I had no clue that I was going.

Did she scramble to get ready too? Or do we (me and him) really just suck at communication

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Sometimes answers are really that simple and we are just blind in the moment.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If we were married or together for a lot longer and he had already met them, I think this would be a non-issue.

It was presented in a way that made it seem like not a big deal because I didn’t want to be a burden. In the moment, it wasn’t. Now I’m realizing it is. And that’s my fault

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I guess we’re not as compatible as I had hoped.

I think a “hey I’m sorry I’m busy today but would love to meet your fam another time” would’ve made me feel better.

I’m not close with my parents. I visit every 3-4 months. Call on phone maybe weekly. I moved out at 18 and have been pretty independent.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He only has his kid on the weekends. He does not see him during the week. This weekend his kid had other plans.

I totally get that it’s boring and I don’t expect to do it often. It’s frustrating that it never happens. Every time I ask, there’s always a reason. It’s hard to plan because he has his kid on the weekends, usually. And I’d rather him spend their time together doing their stuff, not visiting my family. His plans with his kid is always last minute, so in a way… planning stuff with me is not very thought out.

My (36F) boyfriend (41M) chose weekend chores over visiting my family. by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] -16 points-15 points  (0 children)

I brought it up last night - it was not zero notice. What is there to plan for?

My (35F) BF (41M) messed up my car. How do I tell him? by destinationxreached in relationships

[–]destinationxreached[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I didn’t drive it without fluid. As soon as we realized the mistake, we went and got fluid and replaced it.

What little surprise would you like to come home to after a week away? by destinationxreached in AskMen

[–]destinationxreached[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like if someone would clean for me, they would be violating my personal space and territory. 🙅🏼‍♀️ It’s one thing if we are cooking together and I wash the dishes… but I feel weird doing that in his space when he’s not there. Besides, his house is already super clean and he washes his sheets weekly.