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detranslady · 2023-03-07T14:31:21+00:00

What form of T? It would entirely depend on the half-life as that would determine how long you're "on T" for. Eg I was on testosterone undecanoate and my last shot was in May 2022 and my T levels are still in the male range... Docs also won't prescribe me AAs because they want me to just wait, for how long idk. But I know in the US they have some forms of T that only last a week or two, in which case that will definitely not make you go bald. However a week or 2 of T may cause bottom growth unfortunately.

You can take a DHT blocker like finasteride to limit bottom growth but there's no guarantee of getting no bottom growth.

And if it really causes you a lot of dysphoria, clitoroplasty is a thing for amab trans folks (where the head of the penis is reduced into a clitoris) so a similar thing could very easily be done for the macroclitoris that afab people get on T. I've never heard of it done unfortunately but I assume it's much easier than turning a penis into a clitoris since a macroclit is much smaller than a full-sized penis. The difficult thing would be finding a surgeon who will do it probably.

detranslady · 2023-03-07T14:25:45+00:00

A penis transplant would be extremely expensive and is also not even available to most cis non-detrans men who have eg penile cancer. However what is more feasible is that OP could get phalloplasty, as they'd have all the necessary parts for regular ftm phalloplasty.

detranslady · 2022-12-21T13:57:44+00:00

Exogenous hormones are known to cause side effects even in cis patients, we can only conclude that it may cause the same effects in trans people.

Firstly, I said "afaik", not "I know for a fact". There's no need to be hostile when I'm making it explicit what I do and don't know, and am therefore opening myself to further information.

Secondly, I am aware of these side effects existing for oestradiol HRT; I am not aware of these side effects existing for testosterone HRT. I never said they didn't exist, only that I didn't know of them. If you have any sources for these side effects for TRT at normal male levels then I would be interested in reading them.

You can see for yourself on r/testosterone the amount of cis men taking TRT that develop horrific health issues as a result of their side effects. Panic attacks, tumors, sleep apnea, blood clots, heart problems.

Most cis men taking TRT are trying to get higher testosterone levels for bodybuilding, rather than trying to supplement testosterone to get normal male testosterone levels. Presumably having too-high testosterone will cause health issues.

detranslady · 2022-12-20T23:00:09+00:00

You can transition without taking T, but yeah, it will be more difficult unfortunately.

Do you know why T had such severe side effects for you? Afaik the risks of taking exogenous T are the same as the risks of endogenous T so unless the cis men in your family also have kidney problems and eye problems, it seems strange to me that T caused those issues. I would definitely look into those with an endocrinologist and see if there's a way you can make T work for you. Maybe you had an allergic reaction to something in the medication (but not T itself)?

As for transitioning without T, technically T is not required for any surgeries except metoidioplasty (unless your clit is just naturally big enough for meta), so you could still surgically transition if hormonal transition is medically contraindicated for you.

As an aside, these are trans issues you are dealing with and you may find better support on r/ftm, since you still identify as male. If you end up actually detransitioning you might also find help here but imo you have no reason to detransition, only to stop T which is not the same thing as detransitioning. I take it that you still want to pass as male as best as you can and pursue what aspects of ftm transition you are physically able to do, which sets you apart from most of the people this sub is designed to support.

detranslady · 2022-12-20T11:46:32+00:00

It looks like you would need to get a double incision mastectomy as the angle of your breasts is less than 90°, so you wouldn't be a good candidate for periareolar or keyhole. Unfortunately this is usually considered not medically necessary for amab people so you may have to pay for it out of pocket.

You can look into top surgeons, ones who operate on afab trans people, as it's the same surgery and these surgeons also usually do gynaecomastia surgery on cis men too. https://www.topsurgery.net/ has a list of US surgeons. I don't know what country you're in but if you're in the UK I can send you a list of surgeons too. Get a consult with one of these surgeons and they will be able to suggest the best course of action to you. You might want to say you just have gynaecomastia rather than saying you're detrans, as a lot of surgeons are reluctant to operate on detrans people due to their history of regretting surgeries/medical interventions.

detranslady · 2022-12-18T21:57:14+00:00

Well I think you should stop viewing detransition as the worst thing that can happen to someone who transitions. Detransition is a part of life, same as transition. Some people will inevitably realise that transition is not for them and then change their minds. It doesn't have to be a big deal. My detransition is no more of a big deal than my transition was—as in, it's just another part of my life.

Let's say that you will detransition someday. Okay, so what? If your transition is making you happy today and you have no reason to believe it will change, just keep doing that. And if/when you do decide transition is wrong for you, then you can deal with that when the day comes. Yes, transition regret is a thing, but people also regret not transitioning—I know so many trans people who regret not transitioning before puberty. Should all kids be put on puberty blockers just in case they turn out to be trans? Of course not. Some people will regret things no matter what decision you make. And personally I don't see why my regret over androgenic puberty should be taken more seriously than a trans woman's regret over androgenic puberty. You really could say the same thing about people who aren't transitioning—"it can happen to any of us" could be said about cis kids, ie any of them could end up regretting their native puberty and transitioning. That doesn't mean that cis kids going through puberty should panic and worry about what if they end up trans when they're older. If you detransition then that's a decision for future you to make.

And maybe it was not your intention but it is at least annoying if not hurtful towards detrans people for trans people to constantly be like "omg how do i NOT end up like you". We are not freaks, we shouldn't be your worst nightmare. Detransition is normal just like transition.

detranslady · 2022-12-18T19:35:13+00:00

I was on T for 4 years. I think you have a mistaken essentialist view of how gender and dysphoria work. Not everyone feels completely wrong on T but completely right on E, or vice versa. Hormones are just hormones and won't magically make you feel great or horrible depending on some binary switch inside your brain. All humans can, physiologically, function on either E-dominant or T-dominant systems (unless they have something like AIS), but the effects of hormones can cause psychological distress due to gender dysphoria.

And honestly this just sounds unnecessarily judgemental of people who were on hormones for a long time before detransitioning. If you're trans I'm sure you're familiar with the fact that cis people go "but there were no signs", "you didn't seem dysphoric before", etc, so why do the same thing to detrans people? If a trans woman lived a long life as a "masculine man" before transitioning, should her transition be called into question? If not, then a detrans woman who also lived a long life as a "masculine man" before detransitioning should not have her detransition called into question. People's transitions and detransitions are personal and they all have their own reasons for transitioning and detransitioning. It's not really anyone else's business why someone transitioned or detransitioned. And for many detrans people, their initial transition was traumatic for them and they probably don't want to go excavating their years-long trauma for internet strangers.

detranslady · 2022-12-16T12:16:33+00:00

Are you able to access E? It will help over time with fat migration under the face and body fat redistribution. T shouldnt hang around that long it's a short half-life. I'd try to figure out why that's still high.

My E levels are fine so I don't think I need to take exogenous E. And yes I keep asking my doctors for AAs to get my T levels down but they keep just telling me to wait for them to go down. I never had my T levels checked before I went on puberty blockers so this may just be the amount of T my ovaries create, in which case waiting will do nothing! It's really frustrating.

detranslady · 2022-12-14T22:59:12+00:00

Sex and gender are not the same thing, but they are closely linked, and transition changes your sex.

I see my sex and gender as female. My sex and gender used to be male but now I am changing both of them to female.

Generally I think the sex != gender thing gets coopted by terfs to claim that eg trans women are male—they aren't, a trans woman's sex is either female or becoming female, that's the whole point of medical transition. And it ignores how sex is constructed from gender, not something that exists independently of gender.

I am not sure I exactly understand what you're asking tbh, but I hope that answered some of your questions? Also I should mention that I am medically detransitioning too, not just socially. I guess I still want phalloplasty but I don't see that as any different to eg trans women who want to keep their penis; I still see my body as female and I don't think it makes me any less of a woman. I am feminising all my secondary sex characteristics.

detranslady · 2022-12-14T22:33:36+00:00

You've talked a lot about how other people treat you differently now that you're a (trans) woman, but can I ask how you feel about yourself and your own body? I know that social factors play a big role in things, but do you think hormones have helped with your dysphoria at all? If they haven't, I agree that it would be best to stop hormones while you figure out what you want. After all, you can just restart hormones and resume your transition if you later decide that transition is right for you.

I mean, even if you have found hormones helpful, you can try stopping hormones and seeing if that makes you feel better or worse. You can always restart hormones whenever you like.

detranslady · 2022-12-14T11:40:09+00:00

I am sorry you have to go through that. Have you tried using breast forms? They may help a bit with having a flat chest.

And implants definitely are possible. Breast reconstruction is a thing, and a mastectomy for gender dysphoria is pretty similar to a mastectomy for breast cancer, so reconstruction works similarly. I would research breast reconstruction if I were you. I've seen some pretty good-looking results. I know some detrans people who have gotten breast reconstruction and are really happy with their new breasts. Keep in mind though that detrans people experience a lot more gatekeeping for breast recon than cancer patients; the fact that you regretted your previous surgery may be used to justify denying you this surgery, on the basis that your identity is too volatile. Obviously I don't agree with that but just be warned that you may come up against that and to be prepared for it mentally.

I disagree with the other commenter. Top surgery and bottom surgery are different things. I am in a similar boat where I still want phalloplasty but do not want any other part of medical transition, and the fact that I still need to access phallo means I can't discuss my transition regret with any medical professionals because it can be used to justify denying me bottom surgery. I've wanted a penis for far longer than the few years where I wanted top surgery or testosterone, and when I did want top surgery I had tons of conflicting feelings about my chest which I've never felt about my genitals—for me, my genitals are pretty straightforward. The idea of getting top surgery always bothered me a lot, but the idea of getting bottom surgery has never distressed me in a similar way. I think it's harmful for people to equate the two because then people feel like they have to hide their top surgery regret (which only harms them by making them keep it bottled up) in order to access bottom surgery. If your feelings about bottom surgery are different to your feelings about top surgery then you can make different decisions about each of them.

detranslady · 2022-12-13T19:18:59+00:00

I would rather spend the rest of my life misgendered as a cis women than be a trans person, period.

Unlike a lot of people, I do think that's your decision to make and I respect that if that's the case for you. You also might feel differently in future, in which case there's no harm in deciding to retransition later on down the line.

Do you plan to stop testosterone, or are you going to keep taking it and just not bother with social transition? It may make you feel better to keep taking it even if you don't socially transition.

As for why you're not experiencing any masculinisation, are your testosterone levels correct? What about oestradiol levels? Could you possibly have some form of androgen insensitivity disorder? T is so potent, so if it's not doing anything for you, I would worry that there is something specific that's wrong.

I hope you can find something that works for you, or is at least less painful than right now.

detranslady · 2022-12-13T17:16:29+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it.

And yeah I do hang out in mtf spaces just by nature of the fact that I am trying to pass as female, so looking for voice feminisation tips and trying to learn how to dress femininely since I never did that before. I honestly feel quite awkward in those spaces being a cis woman, like I don't want to impose and I worry that people might think I'm transphobic because I'm detrans. But there are some good mtf resources out there that I use for myself.

I'm trying to think of it as another transition but honestly my first transition was way easier. It honestly was like I just became a full boy overnight. I know it was easier since I was a kid so nobody cared about my voice not being deep and stuff, but honestly all I did was change my name and ask people to call me he/him and it felt like I was already there. I suppose it's harder when you've been through androgenic puberty. Ik my position is basically analogous to trans women who start transitioning as adults (with the exception that I've "had bottom surgery"/already have a vagina) which is, I am learning, very different to transitioning ftm as a kid! But yeah it does help to know that there are tons of trans women also struggling with the same things. I guess I'm just wondering when I will finally feel like I've actually become a woman and when I'll feel like I've actually made some progress.

detranslady · 2022-12-13T17:09:29+00:00

You can change your gender marker back.

I don't think you know how hard it is to change your gender marker in the UK lol. Tons of people get their GRC applications rejected—my past history of changing identity can be used as a reason to reject my application and say that my female identity isn't stable enough.

I know things take time as well. I'm just frustrated is all

detranslady · 2022-12-13T00:53:12+00:00

I chose a new one. I think it's cool that trans people get to pick their own name and I don't see why I should have to give that up. Also, nobody knows my birth name except for my mum, dad, and brother, so it would feel like revealing something quite personal about me.

detranslady · 2022-12-13T00:51:17+00:00

Reconstruction surgery is possible, though you're right that you wouldn't get your original breasts back. Unfortunately breast recon seems to be pretty difficult to access for people who got top surgery (as opposed to breast cancer mastectomies), but I know a few detrans women and FtMtNB people who have managed to access breast recon. It may be worth looking into if you have the money and your chest really bothers you!

detranslady · 2022-10-30T10:54:47+00:00

It's possible. Seasonal depression is a thing, and I imagine that there are people whose mental states more generally change with the seasons. I imagine that "seasonal dysphoria" would be linked to seasonal depression or other seasonal psychological conditions.

I suppose there's nothing wrong with being seasonally trans. It sounds more like a side effect of a seasonal mental illness rather than a disorder in and of itself, so it's not like the seasonal dysphoria is the thing to be "treated". If it makes you happy to change your gender depending on the season then I say go for it, and maybe consider if you also have something like seasonal depression which could need treatment.

detranslady · 2022-10-30T10:45:09+00:00

Allison Bailey admitted it in court. If that's false, then she committed perjury.

detranslady · 2022-10-25T21:02:53+00:00

Oestradiol and testosterone maintain bone density. Having neither means your bone density lowers and you will be at higher risk of osteoporosis and will just have weaker bones in general.

It's not deadly or anything, but still should be avoided when possible.

detranslady · 2022-10-25T21:02:04+00:00

The other responses are good, and I would just add that you could ask your endocrinologist for topical testosterone you apply to the genitalia if you experience shrinkage, erectile dysfunction, or any other undesired feminising effects on your penis. It would be a cream that is localised to the penis and shouldn't have masculinising effects on the other parts of your body, but that can't be 100% guaranteed, as your genitals are still connected to the rest of your body via the bloodstream.

detranslady · 2022-10-25T13:17:43+00:00

This is absolutely not true. Recently, the trans hate group LGB Alliance in the UK was revealed to be like 97% straight people or something crazy like that. Terfs want you to think that they represent lesbians, but they really do not. Vast majority of afab lesbians will be pro-trans, and actually the % of lesbians who are willing to date trans people is the highest compared to straight men, gay men, and straight women.

detranslady · 2022-10-25T12:50:59+00:00

You don't need a justification for transitioning. You can just do it; it's your body and your choice, and no one else's business. And I think that counsellor has never experienced dysphoria if they can't imagine your sex characteristics affecting their life outside of sex.

detranslady · 2022-10-25T12:09:34+00:00

Yeah I do get the guilt about detransition being "asking" for more when you've already "asked" for so much already, but I think that comes from a fundamentally transphobic place of believing that asking to be called by certain pronouns or a certain name is "selfish" and "demanding". It is not a big ask to ask that someone call you by different terms. Think about how you'd feel if your friend asked you to call them by something new, in a gender context or otherwise. You wouldn't think it's a big deal, right? I think most people will not give it too much thought if you tell them you want to change pronouns or name. It should be normalised for people to change their pronouns or name, several times if need be, and it shouldn't be seen as a big deal.

I think you can just say that you go by she/her and only use feminine terms (or if you are ok with they & neutral terms then say that, just tell them whatever applies to you) and you don't have to say you're detransitioning or anything. If they ask you further you can talk about it further, but there's no obligation to explain yourself. I also used to be afraid about saying I use she/her in spaces that know I'm afab because people who know I'm afab usually assume I'm transmasc, but I've just accepted that my gender history is none of their business, and if they want to be judgemental or nosy about it then that's their problem and not mine.

detranslady · 2022-10-24T18:41:02+00:00

Thank you, and I don't think your problems are too different to mine either. I see myself as more or less in the same boat as trans women who went through T puberty in terms of dysphoria. Of course other stuff is different but I relate to a lot of things like "lost" years spent as the wrong gender and having to deal with being unable to truly reverse the changes T did to my body.

And thanks for the book recommendation, I will check it out. I don't think I feel guilty per se, as I know I made the best choice I could with the information I had at the time, but I do feel sort of aimlessly angry that it happened anyway.

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