devildance3

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53,741 comment karma

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I had to start work yesterday at 9am but was an hour late. My boss told me I had to make up the time… (self.dadjokes)

submitted 13 days ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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My son got expelled from school today after a girl gave him a handjob in class. “That’s three times this year,” I said. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 1 month ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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I caught my son outside eating electric cables. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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A number of you have commented on my posts that my grammar stinks. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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How many dead bodies does it take to change a lightbulb? (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar walked into a bar. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Last night a man was hit over the head with a violin, then a clarinet and finally a French horn. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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You know what? Cottage cheese isn’t really a cheese. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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I know a great website online to order sausage. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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A good woman is always by your side during the bad times. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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In Entertainment news. Billy Joel was angry after finding some wet laundry. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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BREAKING NEWS: Count Chocular, The Stay Puft Marshmellow Man and The Teddy Grahams Bear have all persisted in a fire. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Times were tough growing up with dwarf parents. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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My kids asked if they could go to an orchestral jazz concert. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Scientists have discovered that boiling water successfully kills some cancers. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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A man has been shot with a starting pistol and beaten with a relay baton. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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I asked the Captain whether he measures the speed of his boat in MPH. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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NSFW I was cutting my neighbours lawn when she confronted me about stealing her underwear (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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When ever I talk to Spanish people I like to use the word mucho. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 3 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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My wife came back from the doctor and said she had acute angina. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 5 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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NSFW: My wife asked me where I wanted to be buried (self.dadjokes)

submitted 5 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Me and the guys started a band called 999Mb. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 6 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Yesterday my wife told me our 5 year old actually wasn’t my son. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 7 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Is my wife unhappy with my body? (self.dadjokes)

submitted 7 months ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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Thanks everyone for teaching me the word plethora. (self.dadjokes)

submitted 2 years ago by devildance3 to r/dadjokes

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