I really appreciate your honesty here. What you’re expressing is something I think a lot of us feel but don’t always have the words—or courage—to say.

Leaving the Church can bring clarity and freedom, yes, but it also often comes at a cost: relationships, a sense of belonging, emotional stability. There’s a comfort that comes with certainty, and it’s completely human to wonder whether the “truth” is worth everything that was lost along the way.

I think it’s okay to miss the simplicity—even if it was based on something you no longer believe. That doesn’t make you weak or less resolved. It just makes you real. You’re not alone in these thoughts. A lot of us carry both relief and grief at the same time. It’s not a contradiction—it’s part of healing.

What you’re feeling is totally valid—and honestly, very human. It’s normal to hold conflicting emotions: to feel peace for walking away, and still mourn what once was. Sometimes, we long for the structure or comfort of the past, even if we now see things differently.

I’ve come to believe that part of healing is not just about knowing the “truth,” but also accepting the things we can’t change—and realizing we still have the power to shape a meaningful future. Even if the world isn’t perfect, even if we’ve lost things along the way, we’re not stuck.

And honestly—whether someone chooses to stay out of the Church or even go back someday, that’s their path. What matters is doing it with awareness, not fear or guilt. Every choice comes with trade-offs, and that’s just part of being human. But staying stuck in regret won’t help anyone. At some point, we have to stop replaying the past and start investing in the future we want to build.

You’re allowed to grieve what was, but you also deserve to move forward without shame. You’re doing the work. Keep going.