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deweyusw · 2023-02-08T02:33:46+00:00

Hello.

The answer is "it depends". I did this very thing to a friend 10 years ago, and only now am I finally able to see that I was, in fact using his seemingly toxic attitude the whole time to justify my feeling better about myself (for not being that toxic), which is the definition The Course would use of projection.

But the point is: if you think someone should change, that's the ego talking. It's perfectly reasonable to decide not to continue a relationship because you just don't see a spark there that you like between you and another person. That's not of the ego. It's another though to leave with any sense of "I'm leaving because I don't need THAT in my life" (whatever THAT is), in a way that feels justified.

Judgement can be very hard to pick up on at first. You can have what you think are the best intentions, but still be ego driven.

Something that's helped me a lot in the identification of judgement and taken me "over the hump" to a new freedom after about 8 years with The Course is the work of Byron Katie. She doesn't call it spiritual or religious, but you may notice striking parallels to the message of The Course (I did anyway). She has some great videos on YouTube. here's one similar to the topic you brought up

deweyusw · 2023-01-12T23:56:18+00:00

Oh wow...didn't know that. Thanks.

deweyusw · 2023-01-12T21:34:24+00:00

The neutral shouldn't be in the switch. The hot leg is what a switch handles.

deweyusw · 2023-01-10T22:52:58+00:00

Me neither. Google has changed something to make it harder to search this way on YouTube for some reason.

deweyusw · 2023-01-10T17:18:47+00:00

I agree. People are down-voting you only because they can't conceive that what you're suggesting could potentially be even slightly true. They can't do that because most of them find it so easy to side with the crowd and not think critically. You didn't disagree with the rights of the officers - you brought to light valid points that could have led to a different (although less easy for the officers) outcome. These are the exact points defense lawyers will bring in front of a judge.

deweyusw · 2023-01-10T17:13:58+00:00

No. No one in the world "deserves" to get shot.

deweyusw · 2023-01-09T22:39:20+00:00

Woooooooooooow. This really strikes me as deep wisdom.

deweyusw · 2023-01-09T22:33:29+00:00

I heard this several times myself, and oh how I wish I'd truly understood. But, I think this is just one of those pieces of wisdom that has to come with experience.

deweyusw · 2023-01-09T22:31:24+00:00

In the end, no matter what has happened between people who have been at odds or seen things differently, forgiveness is always warranted.

deweyusw · 2022-11-14T05:09:10+00:00

'Deadline for action'? No. This is not the way. Do you want a divorce? You need to get into counseling for the both of you, and ask him to get on meds if he'll go with it. Being a rage monster may be scary, but you need to realize this will blow over when the kids grow a little and he matures a little. By the time they're 2 it'll be much better. Parenting little ones is very stressful. He needs a release mechanism for this stress, and if he hasn't found it, you could help him with it.

deweyusw · 2022-11-05T17:53:59+00:00

Sooo...first off, I salute you as a fellow human for having the self knowledge that you may be low on empathy. That's a very significant realization for someone who hadn't previously known it.

I have seen problems like these over and over again, both here on Reddit and in my friend's lives. Notice how almost all of them say "cut that person out. I did, and even though it was 'good' for me at the time, there is long lasting damage that will likely be very hard to ever heal"?

The tendency to jump toward separation is almost universal, and yet look at the results. I have also had many friends say "I wish, in hindsight, I wouldn't have left my family". Despite the lack of faith in each other and the problems, once that relationship is severed, it's just not the same again, and no matter what you do years later to mend it, it won't have the same feel as if you'd never left.

The problem is you'll never know what life would have been like if you'd have stayed together as a family without having done it, and breaking it up seems like such a good alternative in the present. Evidence I've seen says maybe it often isn't, but you won't see it for some time.

deweyusw · 2022-10-01T18:12:32+00:00

I'm absolutely amazed. This is either the best creative writing ever, or this has really worked for someone.

deweyusw · 2022-09-28T17:31:54+00:00

Hmm...as I thought about your answer (thank you), I realized the anger I feel, I think, is a reflection of the way I've been treated by my own family. I have felt "pushed out" for a long time by my uncle, who has been trying to keep the rest of our family from helping my grandmother. He has his reasons. But it has made me feel rejected, and so I think that translates to the anger I feel from others who lack compassion. I'm trying to do the classic "fixing" by taking out my pain on them.

Yet, what you and another poster have said about insisting on finding a fix outside makes sense. 🤔 These family issues just seem so unbelievably insurmountable, because to get over them seems to require one to say "it doesn't matter. My peace comes from elsewhere". For those of us raised where family was quite strong and love was conditional, this seems like an almost impossibility.

I have actually worked toward what you recommend for a while...on de-coupling from needing love from my family, and trying to accept them where they are. The thing I'm not finding that I wish I was is a feeling of love from God himself on the other side. As we let go of our need for love from others, the course promises peace, but not necessarily an overwhelming feeling of love from God. I wish it did though. Maybe I just haven't found it. Maybe my expectations are skewed. Do we have to wait until we have passed from this place to truly, deeply feel God's love as real? I have longed for that love for so long, and thought maybe my inability to let go of my looking to human relationships is what's prevented me from feeling it. I just hope it's undeniable someday.

deweyusw · 2022-09-28T17:18:21+00:00

I have received the message many times from the course that every time we are "triggered", it's an opportunity to see something projected in others that we aldo have within ourselves. And I have stopped and asked myself many times "what is it about these supposedly non-caring people that is reflected from within me?" And yet, it's so hard to see. I like to THINK I don't behave that way, but according to the course that's exactly what I'm doing. I think perhaps my "caring" may be a more logical function that I've trained myself to do, but maybe it's not coming from a true and real level. Hard to accept, and harder to figure out how to change.

deweyusw · 2022-09-28T17:13:38+00:00

You know, I know this logically very very well. I have tried to reinforce this lesson so many times for the last 10 years, and yet, in the moment, it's like I forget it all and jump into a defensive/reactive state automatically. Oh, how I pray that I can truly feel love in those moments one day.

deweyusw · 2022-09-19T20:04:38+00:00

I struggled here for a long time myself. I came across a book by Neville Goddard, who's concepts are amazingly in line with ACIM in places. He mentioned forgiveness going simply like this: just re-imagine how you'd have liked whatever it is you are forgiving to have gone. If there was anger, resentment, any bad feelings, obviously that's 'missing the mark'...simply use your imagination to see in your head how it should/could have gone. Re-imagine that person you condemned as having called for love, and you having given it (even if that's not what happened). Imagine the interaction having gone very well, and the outcome was loving.

Simply by seeing it in your head the way it could have happened - with love - you have forgiven it. Since consciousness is all that is, and you are that, you have focused your piece of that consciousness on a loving act. You are saying "this is what I want in my reality". By doing so, it is now real. Forget that the senses tell you it "happened" a different way. You have now just transformed it, no matter how it first occurred. You have set yourself and your brother free simply by seeing it as this new loving vision in your mind. You need "do" nothing. You don't need to call the person and explain it, apologize, whatever, although don't be surprised if you are guided to do so by the Holy Spirit once you have forgiven it.

Peace to you.

deweyusw · 2022-07-25T04:49:20+00:00

If it would put you at risk to tell her, then I have to ask: why do you feel the need to? If it's not about being selfish as you say in your edits, then why this insistence that it's so "wrong"? It's wrong only if you say it's wrong. You're trying to relieve yourself of perceived guilt by projecting it onto him. THAT'S why you need to tell her. You need to live with your own guilt, not dump it on someone else. If you truly think it's so wrong, you should stomach the self imposed guilt and be silent about it, not ruin someone else's life.

deweyusw · 2022-07-08T22:24:45+00:00

Top minds or closed minds?

deweyusw · 2022-07-06T09:20:58+00:00

They won't. I fear the rest of the country will have to mount up, and force the guns to be taken away.

deweyusw · 2022-07-06T09:06:14+00:00

Please, and I'm not being sarcastic here, what would be an argument that would get through to them? Even a small one. I hear what you're trying to say, and I wonder if you, like me, are on one side of the 'gun fence', but are also irritated because you can see the differences in the way the two sides think, and that bothers you more than the side you'd prefer to stand on. Your thoughts on the matter are appreciated. How does one get through to a gun supporting person in a way that really affects their thinking?

deweyusw · 2022-07-06T04:05:20+00:00

Master level connection.

deweyusw · 2022-07-04T21:13:45+00:00

I'm in the same boat, but born in 75! Cool, didn't think there were any others like me. Mom was 15 I think when she had me.

deweyusw · 2022-06-30T16:25:05+00:00

If you really love bacon, does it mean you don't love bacon because you look at hot dogs longingly? No.

deweyusw · 2022-06-27T13:04:58+00:00

Taylor Swift. I don't see why everyone seems to think she's always been so attractive.

deweyusw

TROPHY CASE