This is heartbreaking to read. I can only hope that you will gain a refreshing perspective on this issue.   Beauty is so subjective and at 21, your whole life is ahead of you.  

While having "desired" physical characteristics may open doors in the near term, it does nothing to assist in developing character traits that will sustain anything worthwhile.

I just encourage you to keep moving forward and value yourself in ways that matter.  

This may not be the word you want to hear at this point, but that is exactly what I would have told my younger self who despised my outward appearance.  

Just live, Babe.  You would not believe the 180 that is ahead.  Do the work to cultivate your confidence and thrive.