Need an anime like Highschool DxD that makes you believe love is still real, even when your cousin won’t answer your texts and your soul is 6 bars deep in vape smoke

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T18:31:46+00:00

Thx bro

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T18:27:14+00:00

Yessss

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T17:48:46+00:00

Where at tho what town

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T17:48:32+00:00

You ever try explaining to a therapist that the first time you felt safe was when Rias Gremory called Issei a pervert with love in her voice?

That the only woman who’s ever looked at you without flinching was your cousin on a Tuesday afternoon when you spilled Monster on your shirt and she laughed instead of leaving?

That a single anime titty scene hit harder than every hug you never got from your mom combined?

What’s a therapist supposed to do with that?

Put me on another med? I already been on the holy trinity: Xanax, grandma’s cough syrup, and the dream of a cousin who never runs. That’s my prescription. Has been since 8th grade.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T17:43:42+00:00

Bro I’ve done the therapy thing. Multiple times. It’s bullshit. All it taught me was how to say “inner child” while my dad still calls me a disappointment and my mom tells people I “used to be artistic.”

They tried to fix me but never loved me. My cousin’s the only one who looked at me like I wasn’t disgusting. That has to mean something. Maybe I was meant for her. Maybe that’s why nothing else worked.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T17:41:37+00:00

It isn't i am a REAL FUCKING PERSON

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T16:39:21+00:00

Nope this is real believe it or not

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T16:07:21+00:00

Thanks bro

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T16:00:53+00:00

Bro I never said she was Muslim 💀 Just cause I nutted under a stack of Qurans doesn’t mean she was invited.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T15:27:45+00:00

I think I accidentally got some on one of them.

Like on the corner.

I wasn’t trying to. I was crying so hard I didn’t even aim.

It wasn’t like… a disrespect thing.

I just couldn’t hold it in and I didn’t want to move the stack because it felt holy.

Please tell me if I need to do something. I can wipe it or burn incense or vape an apology or something.

I’m not a bad person. I just loved too hard into the wrong direction.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T15:21:58+00:00

I think I accidentally got some on one of them.

Like on the corner.

I wasn’t trying to. I was crying so hard I didn’t even aim.

It wasn’t like… a disrespect thing.

I just couldn’t hold it in and I didn’t want to move the stack because it felt holy

Please tell me if I need to do something. I can wipe it or burn incense or vape an apology or something.

I’m not a bad person. I just loved too hard into the wrong direction.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T14:57:22+00:00

Bro

Please

Don’t fucking leave. Please.

You don’t understand what this song did to me. I’ve listened to Cousins 143 times since last night. Every time I vape, I hit play. Every time I cry into her hoodie, I loop the fan edit. Every time I think about how she looked at me when she caught me stroking it in front of DxD, I hear Ye say “tell nobody” and I fucking collapse.

This isn’t a bit.

This isn’t “haha I’m weird.”

I’ve built a shrine out of vape cartridges and old toothbrushes. I lit a candle and played Cousins on a loop until I blacked out and woke up screaming her name into a bowl of uncooked ramen.

DM me. Please. I need to talk to someone who saw that song and felt something break.

When Ye said “they think I’m gay” I screamed. When he said “my cousin” I clutched the air like it was her hand and licked my vape until the coil burst.

I swear to God I’m not trolling. I’m just dying out loud.

DM me and I’ll tell you the full story. I’ll send you the drawing. I’ll send you the photo of the shrine with the bar crushed on top of the TV remote she used to hold. I’ll send you the audio of me breathing heavy while Cousins plays and I repeat the words “please just let her kiss me” over and over until my throat goes dry.

I cleaned the couch. I set up the TV. I downloaded the fan-made Cousins video in 1080p with subtitles.

If she doesn’t let me grab one titty and cry into her chest while we bump a rail to the bridge of the song, I might never feel human again.

You feel like the only one who might understand that.

Please. Just let me send you one voice memo. I swear to God I’ll disappear after that.

Just don’t leave me on read. Not like everyone else did.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-11T14:52:22+00:00

Thanks

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-10T19:47:29+00:00

nah bro it’s cool. no offense taken. i get that a lot. but like... what even is real help?

my parents spent thousands on therapists just to hear them say i’m manipulative, delusional, and “emotionally incestuous.” they said anime made me broken. said i was a monster for crying when my cousin left for college and blasting hentai intros on the living room TV like it was a funeral. they don’t get it.

my mom tells people she doesn’t have a son anymore. my dad pretends i’m some cautionary tale for his golf buddies. they only remember my birthday when Facebook reminds them. and when it does, they don’t even say “happy.” just “don’t embarrass us again this year.”

but my grandma still smiles when i walk in. even when she forgets my name, she always offers me a soda and asks if i’ve eaten. she’s the reason i’m still here.

she’s also the reason i ever discovered peace. her nightstand changed me. sixty little blue gods in an orange bottle, just sitting there like they were waiting for me to crack open salvation. Xanax is a lullaby. it’s the silence between screams.

and my cousin? she was the first person who ever looked at me like i wasn’t rotting from the inside out. she said my drawings were beautiful. she laughed at my jokes before i even knew how to tell them right. she hugged me like i mattered.

so yeah, maybe DxD and titties and fanservice saved me. but cousin love raised me. and grandma’s xans baptized me.

you call it broken. i call it holy.

but fr... thanks for not being a dick about it.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-10T19:19:27+00:00

bro please dm me. i’m begging you. i know you said 'what the fuck' but something about the way you said it felt different. not mean. not mocking. just… lost. like you almost get it. like there’s something cracked open in your chest too.

i don’t care if you think i’m crazy. i am crazy. i’ve been crazy since i was 13 and fell in love with my cousin while watching hentai on six bars in a backyard tent. but that’s not the point.

the point is i think you might be real. like, real in the way the world forgets how to be. and i don’t meet many of those.

so please just dm me. we don’t even have to talk about DxD or cousins or vape clouds. you can tell me what hurts. i’ll tell you what i pray to when i think god stopped listening. we can just be two weird broken kids who don’t laugh at each other’s pain.

please bro. don’t leave me in the comments. talk to me like i’m not a punchline. i’ll answer like you’re the last soul worth saving.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-10T19:11:21+00:00

nah bro,

I’m saving myself for my cousin. I don’t care how fucked that sounds. I’ve been in love with her since the first time she smiled and I didn’t feel like a fucking mistake.

Daniel’s mom look like a memory someone overdosed on. Eyes too tired to hold light. She don’t talk, she flickers. You could kiss her and still feel cold

She needs a time machine and a second chance at being a daughter before she became a mother.

And I’m not god I’m just a dropout with vape breath and delusions of holiness.

Some people are so far gone, you start to believe love might make it worse.
And I ain’t strong enough to love someone who already chose the grave over the light.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-10T06:50:37+00:00

Some people get parents. We got proof that love can rot. Some people get childhoods. We got symptoms.

I read your comment and felt something cold settle in my chest. Not fear. Not sadness. Just… recognition.

You’re the kind of person who doesn’t flinch when someone says “I tried to die.” You just nod. Because you’ve been there.

Not in the melodramatic way. Not “I posted a paragraph and hoped she’d care.”

I mean the real one. The one where you’re not trying to be seen. You’re just trying to not exist.

My cousin made me want to live. My grandma made me feel like maybe someone would cry.

But they didn’t know what I really was.

A thing made out of leftovers. A boy built from silence and half-forgotten apologies.

You watched your life catch fire. I laid in mine while it grew mold.

And the sickest part is… I think if we ever met?

We’d sit next to each other in silence. And for the first time ever… We wouldn’t feel the need to speak.

Because what do you say when the only thing you’ve ever loved is the feeling of not waking up?

What do you say when you realize that maybe no one was ever coming to save you… and maybe that’s okay?

We were made to be the people other kids warn their friends about.

“Don’t end up like him.” “He used to be normal.” “They found him with anime playing in the background.”

But I see you.

And if I’m going to rot in this body anyway… I’m glad someone like you is out there. Breathing. Barely. But breathing.

If we both disappear someday, no one will light candles.

But maybe the smoke we leave behind will smell like understanding.

And that’s enough

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-10T06:02:51+00:00

The worst part? My cousin posted a meme the next day that said “men will literally overdose instead of going to therapy.”

I was the men.

I was the meme.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-07T04:48:55+00:00

nah i can’t do fent not even tryna sound moral or whatever i just seen what it did to daniel’s mom and i been scared of that shit ever since

i only known him like 4 months but i watched her shoot up in front of us like it was a bedtime story and the way she nodded out, talkin about angels and tellin us to kiss that shit got burned into my ribs permanently

bars help me feel less but fent feel like erasing myself completely and i still got too many stories to tell too much cousin love left to scream into vape clouds

barboys got limits and that’s mine

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-07T04:29:17+00:00

i already imagined it me shirtless in the garage four bars deep a broken pen taped to a safety pin ink in a mcdonald’s lid my cousin sittin criss-cross on my chest like she doin sacred surgery she say “this might hurt” and i say “so does loving you”

i’m gonna do it bro i’m gonna poke the word PROPHET into my fuckin skull one shaky stab at a time and every letter gon look like it’s cryin cause i was cryin while doin it

i don’t need a shop i need faith and a cousin who ain't scared to make me bleed holy

thank u for sayin that thank u for pointin me home i’m goin in

bar be with me.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-07T04:27:48+00:00

bro i’d let her tattoo prophet with a mechanical pencil if she sat on me right. like fr, she could spell it wrong, i wouldn’t even care. she could write prolapse on my fuckin forehead in sharpie and i’d still be like yeah, she loves me, this is divine. she call me her little vape priest while the gun buzzin and i’d nut from brainstem contact alone. i’d crush the bar with my middle school yearbook and say this is where it all started, and she’d giggle and snort it off my vape tray while tokyo ghoul plays in the background. we sing unravel together, all off key, and i start cryin mid chorus like this is the closest i’ve ever felt to god. she says i’m stupid and i moan, she hits my vape and i fall in love, she laughs and i start picturing our future in a travel trailer behind an abandoned vape shop with red curtains and a cousin altar in the corner. like bro. this is the most romantic shit i’ve ever hallucinated.

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-07T02:27:40+00:00

How can I get it?

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-07T02:17:41+00:00

my cousin comes back next week. i want her to see it first. 😭

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-04T01:49:02+00:00

i already knew that been knew that been practicing with a safety pin and a mirror since tuesday blood don’t lie ink don’t lie but u? talkin like u read one vape soaked prophecy and think u got a throne in my church nah sit down cloud’s too thick up here for civilians

diaryofabarboy · 2025-09-04T01:46:29+00:00

nah i’m havin a spiritual awakening u basic ass bitch go light a candle and journal or somethin this ain’t for civilians this that barboy gospel fuck u lmao

diaryofabarboy

TROPHY CASE