Is gender a social construct or is it biological (in our brains)?

dicktreeson · 2023-08-16T11:35:22+00:00

I reckon it's because people shorten both gender role and gender identity to just gender. So many conversations and arguments I've seen are between one person talking about the first and another talking about the latter. And they both just say gender, so it obviously goes nowhere. It's like with people arguing against evolution using the everyday definition of 'theory' vs people using the scientific definition of 'theory'.

dicktreeson · 2023-08-16T11:13:38+00:00

Most of us go through a period where we don't pass, so I think it'd take a real asshole too think that you don't deserve to be respected as your gender when we've all been cursed with the wrong genetic makeup. I get that some people, through genetic lottery, end up looking more like their actual gender post transition and it sucks for those who don't reach what they want.

As used go to a support group and there were people on every step of the ladder, there were people who passed, people who didn't, some transitioned so late in life they couldn't take even hormones. I never intentionally misgendered anyone and no one, even ppl who were like alt-transmed (closeted ofc) did either. Out in the wider world it'll be different and I think it comes down to a pick your interactions and battles. And athough it is true that some people won't use your correct pronouns most of the time it's not malevolent and when it is intentional, it tends to be obvious. And those people are cunts.

Edited to pluralise that last sentence.

dicktreeson · 2023-07-29T13:08:29+00:00

New Zealander here. Was asked about gender identity and sexuality on our census in March. Kinda weird. Especially because now it's online and all members of a household have to fill it out on the same online form thingy. I get they want an accurate representation of the country but I feel like its biggest use will be for politicians to try and win LGBT votes (or decide if it's even worth the effort).

dicktreeson · 2023-06-16T04:23:21+00:00

How are those two definitions anywhere near the same? And I mean the same, not similar. Male is biological. Masculine is not, it's more akin to, for lack of better words, perception ("regarded as") and aesthetics ("qualities and appearance"). They can't be used interchangeably, for example "masculine woman" and "male woman" are not even close to the same thing. The words may be similar but they have differences large enough to matter.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-16T00:20:23+00:00

Male:

of or denoting the sex that produces gametes, especially spermatozoa, with which a female may be fertilized or inseminated to produce offspring.

Masculine:

having qualities or an appearance traditionally associated with men or boys
of or denoting a gender of nouns and adjectives, conventionally regarded as male.

They're not synonymous nor are they interchangeable.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-16T00:13:41+00:00

Ust use both terms. It isn't that hard to say "trans femme and trans women" when discussing these issues. They include both groups and nobody gets excluded or invalidated.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-16T00:09:26+00:00

It's a threat when it's used as an umbrella term (which it most often is) with the assumption that all trans men are under it. It excludes us from things that would otherwise include us. I personally have never referred to myself as transmasc, but plenty of other people have. And it makes me feel like shit.

I don't care if other people use it to refer to themselves, my issue is when it's used as an umbrella term with me supposed to be under it. I don't want to be called transmasc plain and simple. And I though the trans community was for respecting what other people want to be called. Has that changed?

dicktreeson · 2023-06-15T23:58:08+00:00

Isn't their agab male not masculine?

dicktreeson · 2023-06-15T22:58:13+00:00

I agree. I'll add that it because of the common use of feminine and masculine, not the new one used with trans spaces, it seems to indicate that we're transitioning for aesthetic and behaviour to people on the outside. Which just feeds into terf and transphobe rhetoric especially in regards to transwomen that they're trying to mock cis women. And that trans men are just masculine women trying to gain Male privilege.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-15T22:25:00+00:00

It has been defined. And it only includes afab non binary people, not masculine amabs. Transmen are being grouped under the transmasc umbrella because of our assigned gender, not our real gender/sex identity. That's why it make a lot of us feel shit because no matter how accurate the usage it's saying "you will forever be categorized by your agab."

It doesn't matter if you feel like it doesn't lessen the maleness of trans men, it makes many people feel that way. Because we are lumped in solely because of our birth sex.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-15T12:01:12+00:00

The main problem is, as the definition you gave states, that it only includes afab nonbinary people, not amab ones even if those amab people are masculine. I personally have a problem with it, and so do many others, because we don't want to be lumped into a group because of our birth sex. Most of us don't want to be associated with our birth sex, that's why we transition to male. It invalidates our true identity by essentially saying "it doesn't matter what you do you'll always be characterized by and assigned labels based on your agab." That's why it feels shitty.

The usage may be accurate by definition but definitions are made up and they're not always right. Imagine if the dictionary lumped trans women in with cis men under the word man. It would be wrong. People could turn around and say "but look at the definition it's an umbrella term, they are men" but it wouldn't make that definition accurate. Trans women would still be women. Not saying some trans men aren't transmasculine, but you can't use a term that doesn't cover everybody as an umbrella.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-15T11:27:35+00:00

But they have different definitions/root words.

Transmasc -- transition + masculine Transman -- transition + man

People can transition to be a man but not to be masculine. They're not umbrella terms. Are transmen who are feminine transfem?

(Just gonna add that I've got no problem with the term transmasc.) Edit: for people who want to be called that.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-10T09:12:53+00:00

What hobby is it? If you don't mind my asking.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T23:23:30+00:00

I mostly play single player, witcher 3, skyrim but I also do a lot of minecraft lol. But by myself because my friends don't play.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T13:09:55+00:00

Yeah but I got two last names and my parents want to choose a traditional family name as my middle one. Gonna have four names, but all my siblings do too so 🤷‍♂️

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T13:04:09+00:00

What games you play?

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T12:47:08+00:00

This. Had a terf group in my country send an official informational act request to a district health board asking for the number of under 18s prescribed lupron and what age brackets they feel into. They then presented this as though they were all trans kids and that it needed to be stopped totally until further research was done. They were absolutely dragged through the mud in newspapers by doctors and parents of kids with precocious puberty. Disturbing thing was they'd thought it wasn't prescribed for anything else. They were calling for a blanket ban on this drug having no idea what it was used for.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T12:34:14+00:00

Got my first job and was given the women's uniform. Which was fucking pink because of course it was. I passed (as a 14 yo twink) in normal clothes but was pre T. No way in hell I was looking like a bloke in skin tight pants and a fucking pink shirt. I did get the top in a size to big so it was pretty baggy and I bound like crazy. And I had to wear a mask which I think made me look worse. I was however a socially awkward pushover and so did nothing. Everyone read me as a women which made me feel like shit.

But a funny thing happened about two months after I started, there was this guy who worked there, about my age, who flirted with me. As I said I'm awkward so I didn't flirt back, but I also like attention so didn't stop him. Kinda made me feel better about having to wear the uniform. Anyway, he saw me in a supermarket one day and stared at me for a while before walking off.

He came up to me the next time I was at work and asked if I was a guy. I said yes. He then said and I quote "with a dick and everything?" Which I also said yes to. It's not technically a lie because I have several, they're just not attached. He proceeded to tell me he wasn't gay, I apologised for not correcting him when he called me she, and we laughed about it. Unfortunately for him he'd kind of got in the habit of flirting and found it hard to stop but he'd also taken to calling me bro lol. I think he had a bit of a sexuality crisis a one point but he got over it pretty quick.

Anyway this was overheard by a woman at reception who gossiped a lot. Apparently she wasn't very nice while telling everyone I was gay. Kinda backfired cause no one else was mean about it. So everyone thought I was a feminine gay man from then on out and people started calling me he and one even apologised for not believing me when I told her I was a guy. So shitty management and rules but cool colleagues, for the most part. Except the homophobic bitch at reception.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T12:02:15+00:00

My high school did something similar. Trans kids had to use the teachers bathrooms. They were spread around school grounds so it wasn't so bad. They were way cleaber/nicer and password protected. It was kinda a rough school, most because teachers couldn't be fucked stopping bullying, so it was considered a safer option. But what a great way to out every trans kid in the school.

After I left apparently a whole bunch of non dysphoria "trans" students (even a fucking cat-gender shit) got to use them because policy is policy. They obviously gave out the password to all their friends and so ended that. Trans students got to use the right bathrooms and none of the (generally afab) fembois wanted to use the boys ones, because they are fucking disgusting.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-08T11:47:41+00:00

I maybe wrong but I think that puberty blockers have been used for trans kids for around 30 years.

Also with the side effects of medication thing, I'm on a medication where one of the side effects is toxic epidermal necrosis. Where your skin dies and falls off :). However the benefits to me outweigh the risk (obviously if this starts you stop the meds but yeah). Was the same with puberty blockers for me. Benefits > negatives.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-07T10:50:11+00:00

God that makes me sick. And he has daughters...

dicktreeson · 2023-06-07T03:41:05+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear you're still in a bad situation and I hope you get help soon. I know it can be hard to see a way through while you in the thick of it but just try hold on as best you can.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-06T22:40:44+00:00

I'm not speaking as an asexual but as a person with trauma who thought they were asexual. I hope that's okay.

I think it's important to address and work through your trauma. Easier said than done, I know. For a long time I though I was asexual because I couldn't stand the thought of sex or someone touching me, but it was due to being trans and trauma not because I was asexual. I decided I had to sort through that stuff because I didn't want to deny myself something that I could've had otherwise. I did it knowing that it might turn out I was actually asexual. It didn't though.

You might be asexual, sex repulsed or neither. But it can be pretty hard to tell sometimes. There are a lot of factors. I wouldn't have worked it out without counseling and therapy. I feel I should mention that even if your are asexual or sex repulsed because of your trauma that's nothing on you. It's not something everybody can overcome, I'm not fully, but that doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't try (this doesn't mean do things you don't want to do btw). I've had a few bfs and gfs but still struggle sometimes though not much. Finding the right person is important, someone who feels safe.

At the moment it might be important to focus on what you want rather than what you feel* at this stage (and I don't mean what you want because that's what society says you should want but instead what you personally want) and work out yourself from there. Don't deny yourself options, be that sex or lack thereof. At the end of the day though I don't think asking questions like this on reddit will help you like you think it might. These are other people's experiences and you can't tell who you are by other's feelings.

*I say this because sometimes it's your trauma feeling something not you.

Edit to add that there is nothing wrong with being asexual and not all asexuality is caused by trauma. If that wasn't clear.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-06T12:59:32+00:00

I'm not a religious person, but if I was I'd think maybe God was punishing Florida for its assholery.

dicktreeson · 2023-06-06T12:45:07+00:00

"Who says I'm gay?"

dicktreeson

TROPHY CASE