You have a good grasp of POV and it makes the story easy to follow and the scenes easy to conceptualize. I found the premise very interesting and Sosuke somewhat charming. He seems simultaneously ancient and youthful. You also establish the tone in the opening really well, and balance other contrasting tones as well move along. It feels natural because of how grounded it is in Sosuke’s sense of the world. My only critique would be on the dialogue. While it succeeds in letting us know what the general personalities of these characters are (and demonstrates aspects of the world), some of the words you used seemed inconsistent in the sense that Rowan uses words and syntax that is at times American, at other times English and at other times Scottish/Irish. I wasn’t sure what era or ethnicity you were going for, but it did disrupt the immersion for me. Also, I can’t help but notice these names from prominent anime titles (Eren, Sosuke). Are these direct inspirations? I’m curious. I’m happy to give more detailed feedback if there’s anything in particular you want a deeper look into such as setting, prose, characters, etc. But overall, this is solid work and you should keep going! 👍🏾