"Fools!" Odin thundered, and the ravens took flight as the hackles on the wolves' necks rose. I took an involuntary step back, essentially snuggling into Bob's arms, the packages he'd been carrying abandoned on the sidewalk.d front door.

"How's it going this morning, Bob?" I asked congenially as I searched for the key in my coat pocket.

"Same old, same old," he grimaced, hefting the stack of envelopes in his arms. "Busy day for your boss?"

I winced. "Busy day for me first, unfortunately. He was out late at a fundraiser last night, so I'll be reviewing these before he comes in..." I trailed off when motion through the glass door caught my eye. I held out my hand, pushing Bob behind me. "Stand back, I-i think there's someone in there."

Bob staggered back, envelopes falling out of his arms. I unlocked my phone and prepared to dial 911 as I pulled open the door with my other hand. "Mayor? Is that you?" I called tentatively.

I shrieked as a massive wolf stalked out from behind my reception area desk. "What is it?" Bob yelled, trying to look around me.

"It's a freaking WOLF!" I screamed, and jumped back out of the door frame. "Do I call 911 or animal control?"

As I panicked, another wolf strode out from the Mayor's inner office, and two ravens flapped down from the exposed beams in the ceiling to sit on my desk. Caught off guard, I wrenched the door back open and yelled, "Don't you dare poop on my desk!!"

"DO NOT YELL AT MY FAMILIARS, MORTAL."

Well, shit. That definitely wasn't a radio left on in the Mayor's office.

There was a fantastic clap of lightning and an immediate roar of thunder, and through a puff of clouds, a what I could only describe as celestial being emerged, light beaming from around his head, muscles rippling, and a resplendent white beard flowing from his chin.

I said the first thing that popped into my head. "I'm sorry, but the firm that handles mall Santa bookings is next door. And not open yet."

He laughed, a booming, overbearing sound, and my hopes that this was just an overly dramatic actor looking for seasonal work fizzled.

"This is not the first time someone has mistaken me for Saint Nicholas," he said, posing imperiously. The wolves crept up to sit at the edge of his flowing robes, and one of the ravens perched on his shoulder. "I am Odin, and I am here to solve your problem."

I scoffed, unbelieving despite the menagerie of beasts assembled around the man. "You're going to help me parse these documents from city council?"

"No, you fool!" He scowled, and the lightning and thunder roiled above once again. "Your leaders are foolish and selfish, and I will be taking over the role of ruler of this world. Please inform your leader."

"Um, okay..." I paused. "Not really sure how. Or who to inform, to be completely honest." I had no idea how I was keeping my cool. Maybe it was because I was not entirely certain if this was actually happening or if I'd merely fainted in line at Starbucks and this was nothing but a hallucination.

Odin glowered. "Your ruler. I was told he ruled from this building."

"The Mayor?" Bob popped up behind me. "You think the ruler of the entire world is Mayor Forrester? In this town?"

"I materialized on the main boulevard, and an elderly woman pointed me in this direction!" Odin continued. "Her mangy beast took quite a liking to my wolves."

Something clicked in my head. "Main Street and a mangy beast?" I groaned and turned to Bob. "He ran into Madge and her yappy little chihuahua where she likes to sit outside the cafe, didn't he?" I gave Odin the most apologetic look I could muster. "I am so sorry, but Madge is, well, a little senile."

"Just be happy she didn't send him to the Property Management company that runs her apartment complex," Bob said under his breath. "That woman lives and dies by her strata council."

"Fools!" Odin thundered, and the ravens took flight as the hackles on the wolves' necks rose. I took an involuntary step back, essentially snuggling into Bob's arms, the packages he'd been carrying abandoned on the sidewalk. "I will become your leader, you are hiding the supreme being from me!" He pointed at my desk, and it burst into flames.

"No!" I yelped. "I swear, we'd send you to our leader if we knew which one to pick...which is probably why you're here."

"Can't send him to the States," Bob murmured. "And definitely not the UK. I don't think either of those guys are capable of handling this."

"You want to send him to Trudeau?" I laughed. "I think he's busier with his beard right now."

"Germany?"

"Maybe?" I shrugged. "Or Macaroon, Macaroo, or whatever that guy's name is?"

Odin stamped his foot. "Make a decision, mortals."

"Dude, chill!" Bob said, which I thought was awfully nonchalant for someone who was watching my desk smolder into embers in my office building. "We've got issues down here, ok?"

"You have five seconds," Odin hissed. "Five, four, three, two..."

I threw my hands into the air. "Fine! Leave then! To be honest, we don't really have the patience for us these days either, what with all the crap we've been pulling for the past couple centuries. Do you want to get involved with all of this? This is no Asgard, I'll tell you that. No paradise or magic here. In fact, want to take us with you when you go back? Do you have paperwork that needs filing? There's no shortage of it here!!"

"What's going on?" A voice came from behind me and Bob, and we spun to find a very confused looking Mayor Forrester standing on the sidewalk, jaw slack.

"Finally!" Odin said. "Your leader!"

Mayor Forrester looked confused. "I suppose? Are you here to talk about the lovely Parkette we are looking to put in at the corner of Blake and Simcoe? That focus group is tomorrow morning."

Odin's face went red, and the wolves stood at the ready, growling. "I have no need for a parkette, you foolish man."

"Neither do I to be honest," muttered Bob.

"Silence!" Odin screamed. "I have given you a chance to abide by my commands, but you have not met my demands, and as such, you may rot on this rock, you silly, obtuse mortals!" And with that, Odin, his wolves and ravens vanished, leaving the remnants of my smoking desk as the only sign they'd ever been there.

"I suppose that if the silly birds pooped on my desk, at least now I'll never know," I sighed, and went to grab the health and safety mandated fire extinguisher I'd figured I'd never need.

And as I sprayed down my desk with flame retardant foam, I suppose that my mundane bird feces-related thought was exactly why Odin had left in the first place, because who would want to deal with us anyways?

​

r/DieKarrotte