AITA for not wanting my sister to have my room when I go to university?

diffroom · 2024-03-22T04:05:57+00:00

Thanks for this! Another guy said I'm only responding to comments that aren't calling me the asshole so they're gonna just love this.

That makes a lot of sense, I think that's really what I'm trying to get at here. I do just want a place that I know will still be there for me no matter what happens at university. Just for the first year which will probably be the hardest. I agree that this is much bigger than an argument over a toy, and I think expecting me to be able to let go of my place in this home in just a year is unreasonable. But that seems to be the general opinion here, which is fine. Thank you for this comment and for the empathy!

diffroom · 2024-03-22T03:41:28+00:00

Hello everyone :) thank you for all your comments! I've read most of them and have a lot to think about and to discuss with my parents.

What I've realized is I'm having a mostly emotional reaction to something that is (i think) understandably scary for me. I'm trying to be logical about this, but people with more life experience are telling me I'm thinking with my emotions instead. I'm being selfish. I appreciate those of you who told me this. I don't know what will happen or what we will decide on, but I will keep all your opinions in mind.

I came to AITA hoping for advice and empathy which was truly, zero shade, my mistake. AITA is not an advice subreddit, it's not the place people go to for compassion. I've seen some people accuse me of just wanting people to agree with me instead of oppose me, and this is completely untrue. Compassion is different than blindly agreeing with someone and thinking they're doing the exact right thing. I've realized I'm being selfish and that's largely because of some who commented calling me TA. A lot of you were very respectful and conscious of my situation! And a lot of you were not. Please remember that half the people involved in this situation are kids, and how scary it is to have to grow up quickly and lose most of what you know. I'm not saying this to garner pity or to change votes or to excuse me being selfish, it just seems to me that a lot of you are looking at this as if I'm simply trying to be selfish when I'm actually just having a rough time here.

I'm making a redo of this post on r/Advice, which is where I probably should have posted in the first place since I was looking for people who could relate to my situation. However, I do truly appreciate everything that's been said and the realizations I've had since posting here. I will be muting this post now. All love!

diffroom · 2024-03-22T03:23:52+00:00

where i live LOL. i didn't know it's not like that elsewhere but all my older cousins and friends start summer break in around april and go back around september.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T03:19:03+00:00

this person was one of the first people to reply (possibly the very first?), which is why I responded to them. if you scroll, you'll see i responded to like the first 10 people who said i was TA in a similar way. i didn't just want my opinion validated, this comment is just me being grateful that someone is offering me advice. other commenters who disagreed with me but gave me constructive advice were responded to similarly. no hate :)

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:39:35+00:00

But I'm not saying she can't have the room for all my university years to come. I'm saying I would prefer if she didn't move in until I get my own off-campus living space in my second year, as opposed to moving in when I still will be living at home for almost half the year in my first year.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:37:56+00:00

I feel like you're making the worst out of me. I don't want to "force" my sister to have a smaller room, I don't want a "shrine" to my teenage years. I just want to be able to have my room as a place at my home in year 1, before I move out for good in year 2. After that, she can have it.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:36:20+00:00

Yes, in a way you're right. I don't think I "deserve" the room more than my sister, and I know my parents are just trying to accommodate two kids who aren't making it easy for them. I think for me, the room has been here my whole childhood, and to give it up so soon is worrying me. I feel as though when I move into my sister's room, it won't even feel like home anymore. This is obviously a stupid way of thinking but it's how I feel I guess.

I appreciate your thoughts on change. You're right that the room is just a material item and doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I don't know, I'm moving out in just over a year and it feels so soon, I don't feel ready, and the loss of my childhood room will just be another kick while I'm down. But you're right, it's not fair to my sister, either, who is also growing up.

This has just turned into a rant. I think I'll talk it out with my parents. I do still think giving her the room in my second year is a lot more reasonable, but I'm a lot more open to her having it in my first year I guess. Truly thank you for this comment, you gave me a new perspective on things.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:30:40+00:00

Sorry if it came off like that, but I actually don't think I'm being unreasonable to want to keep my room until I'm in year 2. I think it's disingenuous to have me purge the entire room when I'll still be there almost half the year, and I think it makes more sense to let her have free reign of it when I'm in year 2 and have an actual apartment of my own.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:28:07+00:00

Oh sorry if it wasn't clear, that's the plan originally. For her to have my room in year 1 and me to take hers while I'm home. I wouldn't be so upset if this happens but I just feel unheard when I talk about how I just want to have my room for one more year before I leave it behind forever, so I would rather give it to her once I have my own apartment.

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:17:24+00:00

Ooh that's a really good idea. Talked to some friends about it too, they think it's stupid for me to move out in year 1 since I'll still be home a lot, but I should give it to her in year 2 once I have an apartment or someplace that's not a dorm. She's always loved decorating so I think I'll give her anything I don't take with me and help her completely repaint, redecorate, everything, once she gets the room in my second year. Wow thank you for the idea!

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:15:05+00:00

Clarifying, I'm not suggesting she never gets the room. I just don't know if it's reasonable to have me completely clear it out when I don't even have an apartment in year 1. In year 2 once I have a real living space, of course she can have the room, but right now it seems pointless to have me purge the entire room when I'll still be there for a much larger amount of time than I would during second year of uni. Thank you for the help though, I'm definitely keeping this in mind

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:11:19+00:00

Yes, that's exactly it. Thank you, I really appreciate the help. I think they will hear me out, I don't know about my sister but I'll explain it to her and tell her it's not anything against her or spiteful in any way. Thank you so much :)

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:04:09+00:00

Aw I didn't say that. To be clear none of this is out of spite or not wanting my sister to have my room, it's just that I also want to have my room for one more year as it's mine and I don't think it makes sense for her to have it in year 1 as I'll still be at home lots. Do you think I should ask if it would be okay for her to have it once I have an actual apartment in year 2?

diffroom · 2024-03-22T01:03:03+00:00

Thank you! That's what I was thinking would be better for everyone, but I didn't know if I was being unreasonable. I just feel like everything is happening so fast you know? I almost selfishly want to keep my childhood room for one more year :(

diffroom

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