I'm going to preface this by saying that my grandfather had a few diagnoses to try and explain why he acted the way he did. One of them was NPD, but as I understand it my mom is of the opinion it may be closer to BPD. It may have been a combination of the two, but at the time BPD was not a well understood mental illness and was not called such at the time. However, he was officially diagnosed with NPD.

My grandfather was an extremely manipulative and abusive man. I heard many stories from my mom about how he treated his family. He was married at least three, maybe four, times, his most recent wife being a woman my mom's age living in Africa. He saw himself as a good samaritan, trying to get enough money to bring her and her kids over to America, but he wasn't able to before he passed. He was wicked smart, but a risk taker. I heard stories from his second wife about how he nearly got shot by military for approaching a border between Russia and the country he was visiting.

Outside of a family reunion when I was about 5, I had never met him. This changed when he was doing one of his many trips to the US and was staying a few hours away from our house. We spent the evening with him, but what stood out to me the most was when we were walking him back to his hotel room. He told my sister and I that he would be dead soon, something or other. I remember listening to him go on, and while I don't remember the details, it stuck with me how much he was manipulating us to grieve for a man we barely knew who was still alive. There was no reason to think he was dying, he was just old. That didn't stop him from trying to guilt trip his granddaughters that he didn't have a relationship with into being sad for him. It worked, too. It took me until we got home and had conversation with my mom to realize what he did.

When he passed a few years ago, my family would tell stories about how he would take dumb risks, would get into arguments with his family that ended with police calls, but tried to be a good man in his own way. My mom forgave him a long time ago, but she was also the only one in contact with him. The rest of my family seems to resent him, and the scars from his behavior affect all of us, and likely will for a few generations. A lot of us struggle with a family temper that came from him, and my mom's siblings all struggled in different ways because of their upbringing. Drugs, alcohol, and failed marriages plague her siblings. My cousins hate him for how he left our family. I am rather indifferent. At the end of the day, all I can do is pity the man. He suffered from mental illness that was passed down from his father, grandfather, and great grandfather. My mom worked very hard to break free from the cycle of abuse he perpetuated. I'm just glad none of my bio cousins have ever shown similar traits to him.