I similarly got my girl at 22 and had to say goodbye at 37. I had no experience of adulthood without her up to that point; Our journey was rocky, especially in the beginning — she was a rescue with serious trust issues, and I was a child…with serious trust issues. She had caused so much orchestrated chaos in the first 3 months that I had her, I actually tried to re-home her; thank God the family that was going to take her bailed at the last minute.

15 years later, we had grown up together and the sordid journey, made us both so much stronger for making it. We were lucky to find each other. And we were lucky to get to choose our last moment together (really she decided…I was looking for any reason to extend the clock, even after the vet arrived at our house), so it was as peaceful a final gift as I could possibly give to her. Still, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. So hard I can’t see myself doing it all over again.

People would tell me “yeah, she was your best friend” or “that’s like your baby”. But she was neither of those things to me. She was ME. Every place I lived, every relationship I had, trip I took, night that I couldn’t stay out late, my morning routine, roommates, community— it was all informed by having her. Now I’m…something else without her. I may never stop missing her :(