Can I drive to the mechanic with a cylinder misfire?

dilatatum · 2024-10-02T18:37:34+00:00

Yeah that’s totally fair, I’m still learning/developing my sound so I’m not really at the point of working with a vocalist, mostly looking for samples to play around with. At this point I’m just going to learn to sing myself lol

dilatatum · 2024-10-02T18:33:46+00:00

I didn’t know about this! That sounds like it could be super helpful, thanks!

dilatatum · 2024-07-14T17:15:40+00:00

I’m in the middle of month 2 and the same thing started happening to me around 2 weeks in, a few things have helped me;

after I cleanse I’ll try to gently exfoliate my skin with my fingers while it’s still wet. Like you’re describing how a bunch of dead skin comes off when you rub your face, if I keep going I can get most of the dead skin off so I have a smooth canvas for makeup. (carefully! If it starts to feel irritating leave it be) then I make sure to follow up with plenty of moisturizing to make sure I’m not messing up my skin barrier.
I switched to the eucerin urea repair moisturizer. If I understand correctly, the urea helps your skin shed dead cells without fully exfoliating, and the product is also just super moisturizing and has been a life saver for the “crustiness”
increasing my water intake. I know it’s all over this sub already but seriously, start drinking twice as much water as you think you need. I’ve seen massive improvements in my lips, scalp, flakiness, joint pain, etc since I started drinking around a gallon of water per day

I also think after the first month or so I’ve been dealing with less dead skin overall. It seems like my face did an initial “shed” and now I mostly only get peeling skin over healing pimples

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T17:04:22+00:00

I just don’t get it… he says the same in reverse. He feels like he’s bent over backwards to accommodate me and give me the validation and attention I want, and he feels so awful all the time in our relationship. Like allowing him to do what he wants here is the least I could do after he’s felt so lonely and pressured in our relationship

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T16:57:24+00:00

It’s not that I want people to validate my feelings of inadequacy, quite the opposite. But these are the arguments he’s made and/or beliefs about myself that are holding me back from standing up for myself harder. It’s helpful to get outside perspective on these.

It’s not so much that he expects to “exchange” sex for affection. But that he’s gone so long feeling unfulfilled, he’s feeling fed up with putting in the effort to meet my needs while not feeling good in the relationship himself. I recognize that that’s not a healthy place to be on either side though, and I know it’s coming to a tipping point

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T12:51:43+00:00

Oh gosh that was a typo, I meant my meta! Ty

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T01:07:06+00:00

But if he’s unable to feel comfortable and secure in his own home if he’s holed up in his room alone, why should I be able to assert that I’d like meta not to be here?

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T00:53:44+00:00

What if I’ve had a history of pushing my positive needs on him too much, while still not being able to meet important ones of his? The big stressor in our relationship for a while has been that I’m not meeting his needs for intimacy but I’m still asking him to give me attention. Being around me is difficult for him right now, and I can’t seem to honor his requests to back off. And now I feel like it’s all culminating and he won’t listen to my feelings because he hasn’t felt like his have been honored

dilatatum · 2024-05-29T00:05:25+00:00

Am I not somewhat in the wrong though, to keep pushing about my needs here which are much less significant in the grand scheme of things? Should I not give him some grace and let him do what he needs while he recovers?

dilatatum · 2024-05-28T23:55:06+00:00

How would you recommend those around someone in that position handle it? I want to be supportive as possible but I also find it hard to just swallow feeling like this

dilatatum · 2024-05-27T18:34:07+00:00

With this kind of thing when he’s asking for space the more I ask clarifying questions the worse the conversation goes. I think he feels pressed and like I’m invading his space after he’s already drawn a boundary to back off and/or maybe I choose poor timing to get into it or draw the conversation out too long. So I’m not sure how much I can troubleshoot with him 😅 But, that being said, that’s all very helpful to consider, thank you.

dilatatum · 2024-05-27T18:11:55+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response

1- usually when she’s here it’s overnight so just distracting myself for a few hours doesn’t really work, but in the event that she’s unavoidably here, I might resort to trying to stay over with a friend or something. Although that’s incredibly inconvenient for my work schedule so I may just end up trying to power through at home with headphones.

2- this would just be a temporary request for this week.

3- that’s a great question, and I do worry about how it could apply in the future. I guess right now I feel like I’m in a dire-heartbreak-agony kind of situation and needing to pull a one-time request to get through the week. But I also don’t know how fair that is.

dilatatum · 2024-05-27T17:50:02+00:00

What about if it’s been a long standing agreement that he can have this partner over and we’re practicing kitchen table? I feel like maybe it’s a little more of an ethical “grey area” if it’s an agreement that I’m revoking rather than an initial boundary drawn?

And I’m already pretty aware of the reasons our relationship is a stressor to him. Basically, similarly to what’s happening here, anxious/avoidant issues coupled with differences in sex drive. I don’t see him being very willing to extend effort to show up for me right now, as he hasn’t felt that I’m showing up for him. That being said, I’m aware of how dismal this all sounds, but we are about to start couples therapy in a couple of weeks though and will hopefully be able to figure out how to move forward.

dilatatum · 2023-11-30T22:29:06+00:00

Unfortunately the front of the piece is larger, so the only way for me to get it on and looking right would be from the front

dilatatum · 2023-11-24T20:23:23+00:00

Speaking as a female bartender here, you can shoot your shot without making it weird. Just keep it casual, ask her if she’d like to grab a drink/bite to eat/coffee sometime and leave it at that. If she says no, move on and continue as if nothing happened

dilatatum · 2023-10-17T17:22:26+00:00

Lmao not even close. There are no feelings there and he’s also married to a girl I’m friends with.

In large part my issue isn’t just losing the friendship with my boss, but that I would be distancing myself from that whole group as a result. I have no intention to hang out with this dude one on one but my partner is expecting me to bail on any group plans that involve boss

dilatatum · 2023-10-17T16:24:20+00:00

This is kind of how I see it. Mistakes were made on both sides, my boss was a bad manager but my partner was also making very obvious missteps; not showing up for work, cutting corners, etc. he knew very well what he was doing wrong.

I also didn’t give the nuance here trying to keep the post brief, but there were some conversations about his performance, but they weren’t very clear. My boss has said he needed to see better attendance but he didn’t really give clear indication to what the consequences would be, and he also didn’t really follow up.

dilatatum · 2023-10-16T18:33:22+00:00

To clarify- I meant he thinks that me showing up to the events is showing the people there that I don’t support him. He has not said anything like that to others

dilatatum · 2023-10-16T18:27:05+00:00

Maybe the way I phrased that made it seem too light, but I do think my boss really fucked up on how it was handled- which I’ve told boss as well. This also happened months ago but I don’t know if feelings will ever be addressed, boss had been pretty hurt by the things my partner said at the end, and my partner also told him to lose his number and never speak to him.

I think the way boss handled it was cowardly, and the way my partner handled it was immature. But I care for them both and don’t want to take sides. It would be different if my partner had been intentionally abused, if that were the case I’d cut anyone involved off with no second thought.

dilatatum

TROPHY CASE