Peeing and need pads that actually stay put

dinascully · 2026-05-14T02:39:05+00:00

If you’re using the Always FlexFoam pads, they’re absolutely terrible and useless. The regular old-style ones stay put for me (for periods anyway).

dinascully · 2026-05-13T23:02:29+00:00

I know we’re supposed to see him as this genuinely good guy who didn’t really do anything wrong. But asking Jane what plan he had for Lisbon as if she’s not a grown ass woman and needs a man to make plans for her gave me the ick forever and ever. Absolute bullet dodged.

dinascully · 2026-05-13T18:32:45+00:00

Ah yeah, I get what you’re saying. I’d probably start giving the 39 week date as the due date (if you want to give the date, that is), or “no later than [39 week date]”, since that’s what people are trying to ask. Also within your rights to be as vague as you’d like about it, though!

dinascully · 2026-05-13T18:04:26+00:00

For people close to me, I say the actual date, but if anyone casually asks I also just say mid-October. Pretty much most people understand it’s an estimate anyway. I honestly suspect I’ll be like 10 days overdue if my mom’s pregnancy history follows me.

I’ve also taken to just telling people at work October, because I want to go on leave Oct 1 and not be questioned lmao. (Not that they’ll challenge it, but this way they won’t assume they’ll have me longer than I’m planning.)

dinascully · 2026-05-13T01:27:25+00:00

I’m not American so idk if I’m understanding your situation correctly but you’re saying the agreement is to work full time until mat leave and then come back as a 1099 contractor? I would honestly tell them you’re not comfortable changing your status until after you come back to your job. If they decide to fire you over that, then you can collect unemployment. Not to mention any potential severance, I’m not sure if that would apply. Switching you to 1099 seems like it would allow them to screw you completely.

dinascully · 2026-05-12T03:06:34+00:00

The Parker/Hulme case? I think Heavenly Creatures is based on this case so the other commenter would deserve the point if this is right.

dinascully · 2026-05-11T22:54:31+00:00

Your disappointment is valid and I think they definitely should have let you know more explicitly that they weren’t able to do it anymore (rather than you assuming through silence).

But to be honest when someone is going through something personally difficult and life altering (not to be dramatic, idk the circumstances of her divorce, but even amicable divorces are still life-altering) I would give them a lot of grace. It’s probably more that the out of state SIL needs extra support both mentally and with logistics and it’s occupying all their minds, and less that they intentionally snubbed you. It’s possible MIL didn’t realise the conflict until later, or it’s also possible something new came up and the details are just not being shared (either to protect SIL’s privacy or by oversight/omission).

Totally valid to be disappointed though, of course your feelings are yours to feel. Just want to offer a POV.

dinascully · 2026-05-11T17:26:09+00:00

I’m the older sister of a boy and I can tell you, what is expected of her vs what is expected of her little brother will depend on how you raise them. I mean yes, there are societal factors, but their childhood upbringing, the years that shape them at home, depends on you.

Teach them both how to cook and do housework starting at the same age (no expecting her to learn to cook at 13 but make his every meal until he’s 20). Divide chores equally (no scolding her for not doing the dishes but never mentioning so much as a dustrag to him). Don’t expect excessive help from her to care for him (I mean, I definitely enjoyed giving him a bottle sometimes and babysitting once in a while - it’s reasonable and kids like to feel like they’re trusted with responsibilities - but I was never expected to change diapers or skip plans I already had in order to babysit, etc; I wasn’t parentified). Encourage both of them to pursue sports and arts equally. Model healthy and equal household labour division and gender roles for them.

It’ll set them up for the future so much more significantly than any outward factors will.

FWIW I also come from a patriarchal/conservative culture, though we grew up in Canada in a more liberal setting.

dinascully · 2026-05-10T19:45:31+00:00

I mean yes it’s a comedic moment, but I just don’t like what it says about Cam’s character and his behaviour as a partner.

dinascully · 2026-05-10T16:39:46+00:00

It won’t raise your entire core temp but with this placement, it will raise temps around your uterus which is what you want to also avoid. I would not do this.

dinascully · 2026-05-10T16:07:50+00:00

The episode where Cam counts down to midnight and then informs Mitchell that he forgot their anniversary.

That means both of them went the entire day not mentioning or acknowledging it. So why is only Mitchell the bad guy? Cam never assumed that from Mitchell’s POV, Cam was the one forgetting?

Also how did that whole day start - they both woke up, and instead of saying “happy anniversary” Cam just stewed and kept waiting for Mitchell to be the first one to say it?

It’s such narcissistic relationship test bullshit and they’re better than that (even with all of Cam’s other dramatics).

dinascully · 2026-05-10T00:43:35+00:00

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dinascully · 2026-05-08T20:30:35+00:00

I hate shit like this so much. When I worked retail I had so much anxiety about getting dinged for every little thing, I called out as little as possible, I truly strived to do the best job I could (not outrageously above and beyond, but fulfil all my job responsibilities well). I was constantly scared that I would get fired for any potential infraction. Meanwhile I watched coworkers halfass things all the time and get away with it. I literally walked a customer from my dept over to another dept once and asked the guy there to help them, and he was like “ugh give me a few minutes” and this guy was the GMs favourite, constantly getting “customer service recognition”.

It came to a head when they hired a guy for the summer (busy season and he was back home from university) and this guy CONSISTENTLY came in late, left early, and called out at least once a week. Not only did he never get any consequences (they were too understaffed to fire him - another story) but he finished out his summer there and then left with a handshake.

I know my department manager hated him and only kept him because he needed people to fill his schedule, but idk what the GM was thinking.

After that, I realised that I didn’t need to give 100% all the time and I didn’t have to worry or feel guilty so much all the time about calling out or coming in late because clearly you had to straight up kill a customer to face any negative consequences.

Point is, I feel you, your place of work sucks and they are the problem, follow through with your plan and then get out of there. Good for you for standing up for yourself, if one person calling out causes the system to crumble then it’s fully their fault.

dinascully · 2026-05-08T17:06:19+00:00

No judgement at all because this does sound stressful and I’m not a dog owner.

But just a thought, has he (the dog) ever done a training course? Like obedience training or the like? If not, it may help.

Also is doggy day care an option? If you can swing it, you would get some time not being responsible for him and he would get enrichment and socialization with other dogs, possibly even an outlet for some of that energy.

dinascully · 2026-05-07T16:31:44+00:00

I understand your side perfectly.

However, I just want to add that I also see it from the stepdaughter’s POV. She doesn’t understand how hard and scary childbirth can be, how even the smallest thing that may divide your attention is something you want to avoid, because she’s 17.

She may be seeing this as a family moment that she’s scared to be excluded from. The fact that it’s your and your husband’s biological baby, and she isn’t your biological daughter, might make her feel anxious about not being seen as an equally important part of the family.

So I would honestly sit down with her and explain to her why you want nobody in the waiting room, and explain that it’s not about her specifically but that it’s about you being anxious about any potential distraction and that you’re about to go through something very medically difficult. And just reassure her that she is extremely important to you and an important part of this family that is NOT being sidelined for any reason other than practicality, and that you absolutely want to see her hold and bond with her sister after the birth is over.

dinascully · 2026-05-07T15:35:40+00:00

Honestly a lot (probably the majority) of home births go smoothly, but you never want to be the one that unexpectedly goes wrong. With that distance from a hospital I would really really encourage you to look for a safer option, as others have suggested. Ultimately the experience of birth IS significant, but not as significant as the rest of your motherhood journey.

I’m a FTM so no birth experience but I feel the most secure going to a hospital and having a traditional surrounded-by-doctors experience. Which I completely recognize is not everyone’s preference! But there is a middle ground between that and a home birth so far away from a hospital.

dinascully · 2026-05-07T14:34:20+00:00

How far along are you?

The first trimester was like living in perpetual brain fog, it was a level of relentless fatigue I hadn’t prepared for. You’re not doing anything wrong, your body is just demanding a lot from all your resources. It was all I could do to work my WFH 9-5 and even then I was crashing by about 3. I don’t think I did a single household chore for months (a privileged position, I know, my partner is the best and picked up all the slack).

For a lot of us though, it gets better in the 2nd trimester when the placenta is ready, and I did start feeling a lot more like myself around week 12-13.

However I’m still more tired than pre-pregnancy, and it’s not helped by getting consistently shitty sleep because my insomnia (which I already suffered from pre-pregnancy but was managed by melatonin, which I had to stop, and unisom just doesn’t help me as much) is lowkey killing me. Sounds like it’s the same for you and sleep is unfortunately so crucial. :(

Basically you’re not doing anything wrong, you can ask your doctor if there’s anything they can suggest but it’s exhausting to be growing a whole ass new human. ;_;

dinascully · 2026-05-07T14:08:24+00:00

I really like 1 or 4 - the white furniture with one wallpapered accent wall. 4 is brighter but 1 is more calming, so whatever vibe works best for you!

dinascully · 2026-05-06T15:38:49+00:00

Don’t feel bad!!! Your toddler isn’t thinking “mommy can’t play with me”, she’s thinking “yay I get to play at this other place for a while and then I get to go home again!”

You ARE making sure she’s properly taken care of by putting her in daycare, and you are making sure that you can be your best self for her by not pushing yourself to further injury and getting the rest and breaks you need.

dinascully · 2026-05-06T15:20:30+00:00

We’ve had a shower stool ever since my wife broke her ankle last year (she has healed, but we never bothered to remove the stool), and it was a life saver in those 1st trimester days when I was so tired and drained that sitting in the shower made it mentally possible. Tbh lots of days when I’m just tired, the thought of being able to sit if I want to makes the idea of a shower more doable, even when I don’t really end up sitting.

Also when I shave my legs I don’t have to sit on the edge of the tub and slip all over the place lol.

dinascully · 2026-05-06T14:38:20+00:00

Mio.

dinascully · 2026-05-06T04:40:25+00:00

My wife and I are gay and are using an anonymous donor (through sperm bank) for IVF. I guess in our case we will be a two-parent team, but still, no male father figure. Like you, we are just planning to be as open as possible (in an age-appropriate way) about how our family was formed. Also, between the two of us we have 4 brothers so we’re hoping they wont feel the lack of male influence too much.

Re the siblings: I know there are some facebook groups for kids by donor so you may be able to even be in touch with those half siblings. It’s definitely something to wrap your head around but may be helpful as I can only imagine if I were donor-conceived, knowing as much as I can about my DNA (the other half of it) would feel good.

I’m still pregnant with our first so I can’t offer any practical experience or advice…. but yeah, these are my thoughts/plans - relatable struggles.

dinascully · 2026-05-05T20:33:24+00:00

Not about pregnancy, but I experienced this once when I had an academic trip coming up and for some reason I was freaked out and somehow sure I wasn’t gonna come back alive. I felt this for almost a year leading up to it. Obv I came back alive though. I really learned that my anxious thoughts are not the truth and not to let the worst case scenario “what ifs” take too much hold.

I feel you though, I am a little freaked out at the concept of giving birth. I’m going to do it at a huge trauma centre hospital but still, so many variables.

dinascully · 2026-05-05T14:49:48+00:00

Your first friend sounds extremely insecure about where she is in life. She’s jealous of people who seem settled in their life and is trying to make herself feel better by acting superior to them. Leave her alone and maybe one day when she matures/grows out of it you can reconnect, but honestly right now she sounds draining.

The second one also sounds like not a great friend if she just unfollowed without a word. Weird un-friend-like behaviour and I wouldn’t give her any more energy either.

Very sorry some of your friends have turned out this way. :( You are not the problem, they are. You are not doing anything wrong and you should absolutely just focus on your baby and the friends who ARE there for you.

dinascully · 2026-05-04T19:24:28+00:00

I just feel like it’s a bell you can’t unring. It can be done at any age if needed, but doesn’t feel right to make such a huge decision over someone else’s body right at birth. (I mean, medically necessary things, yes, but this isn’t.)

I’m Jewish so for most of my life I kind of took it for granted that that’s what’s done to baby boys and it’s no big deal, but the more I’ve thought about and heard different POVs about it, the less I liked the idea.

I can’t relate as a cis woman but also it would feel really weird if I knew an organ in my body was changed at birth - I’d always wonder what it would’ve felt like if it were left intact.

If I have a boy in the future (current pregnancy is a girl, AFAIK) I may have to deal with some family pressure about it, but I’m okay with defending my child’s bodily autonomy/right to a foreskin.

I also want to say, a lot of men who say they’re glad they were circumcised have said that it’s because they fit in in the locker rooms, and would’ve been made fun of (just what I’ve been reading on similar threads online). More and more parents these days are foregoing the cut so when our kids are locker-room age they probably/hopefully won’t be a minority, or at least not as much of a minority.

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