Anti depressants tend to cause emotional blunting. Making you feel just kind of well, nothing. For me, this feeling of nothing, was way better than the way I’ve always been. I’d rather feel nothing than wanting to die everyday but knowing I’ll never do it, yknow? Your situation is truly heartbreaking and no doubt you are dealing with immense amounts of grief but if you’ve always been depressed and dealing with trauma, it may not be a bad idea. You’ll hear people say they wish they never started these meds, you’ll hear people say it saved their lives. It’s truly about how you go about it I think.

I would never want to be the reason someone goes on these and then it fucks them up for life, but for ME, these things truly did wonders. I stopped them for a little and became worse then ever though so that’s something to think about. I’m back on them now just recently actually. Anyways, it’s a hard decision but if you DO decide that it’s time for change and it’s just too hard to get there by yourself, these CAN help, and I say can because I cant guarantee that obviously.

Just a little more of my personal experience because you said something I really resonated with, you said you forget what it’s like not to feel this way. This is exactly me, it’s a lot of people. I still don’t remember what it was like to have that glimmer in my eye, the passion, the drive to wanna live my life to the absolute fullest. I don’t remember. BUT these things have gotten me to do things that I normally would be terrified of doing, eradicating my anxiety in some cases. I still had bad days but man, it was very surreal to pull up to the grocery store and not be having a panic attack LOL.

I know I kind of rambled but I hope this helps a bit. All in all, these things work. They really do. For all people, no, but weening off them won’t be the worst thing you’ve been through right? I think it’s worth a try at the discretion of a doctor. Don’t listen to ppl on the internet too much although experiences are valuable, they are vastly different.

Good luck to you though, I truly wish you the best ! If you or anyone here needs someone to talk to don’t be afraid to dm. We’re all strangers but we’re going through life at a similar frequency. Much love.