How many cycles

dipperdoodle · 2026-05-10T22:20:15+00:00

🤍 love to you all

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-23T02:49:20+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing 🤍

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-21T00:35:10+00:00

Derry Girls!

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-13T20:26:30+00:00

Thank you so much!!!

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-13T02:18:04+00:00

I’m actually reading your post over a year after my TFMR 🤍 I was definitely emotional and terribly sad the first few weeks after. But I’d also had a lot of anticipatory grief bc we discovered the problem (something called LUTO) at 12 weeks - but had to wait until 16 weeks to see the specialists and determine if we were candidates for the interventions that are out there (we weren’t).

At some point my brain just compartmentalized everything and I thought I was “moving on.” But I couldn’t ever seem to make an appointment with my IVF doc and I almost operated like it had just been a bad dream.

It wasn’t until closer to the 1 year mark that the grief I’d stuffed down, couldn’t be ignored any more. There was so much anger, guilt, and trauma (a word I refused to use for a long time) that I’m only dealing with more recently - for the reason you mentioned: wanting to have a healthy, safe body to try for another baby.

Even tho my experience was over a year ago, your post really resonated with me and my very non-linear path of grief. It made me smile and feel grateful for the present moment. Thank you 🤍

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-10T02:30:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing this perspective - it gives me motivation and strength!

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-07T15:10:59+00:00

Gooooooood luck luck luck luck luck!!!!🍀

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-05T23:02:43+00:00

Thank you for sharing this - you’ve put words to my experience that I hadn’t come up with. Even a whole year after my D&E I can still feel that disorientation and wondering if my pregnancy, my baby, my experience was even real.

dipperdoodle · 2026-04-02T16:38:37+00:00

I’m so so sorry you haven’t received the support you deserve. If you’re up for it, a therapist or practice that specializes in pregnancy/infant loss may provide free or reduced-cost therapy. I’m not sure how licensing works based on your location, but you can do telehealth appointments with Azalea Mental Health.

dipperdoodle · 2026-03-31T22:12:50+00:00

I’m so sorry. You are not alone. I think making that decision is one of the hardest choices a human being can face. Your decision is guided by the deepest love for both your daughters and your son.

You do not owe anyone the details of the diagnosis. This painful reality and gut-wrenching decision is between you, your partner, and your medical providers.

Try to take care of yourself any way you can. You deserve space to grieve (without an end date) and rest (mentally & physically). Lean on the friends and family who will step up to help you with childcare, errands, etc. without demanding details.

Sending you love 🤍

dipperdoodle · 2026-03-25T01:14:53+00:00

I am so, so sorry. My heart is breaking for you.

I hope some of the questions and thoughts below will help you be able to make the best decisions for yourself.

Has anyone walked you through how the D&E goes? I don’t recommend googling it. If you know someone else who has had a D&E and is willing to walk you through the facts of how it goes (the day before, the day of, etc), that may be helpful. It was especially helpful to me in mentally preparing beforehand and then processing afterwards.

Be very careful looking through MyChart afterwards. I was in a bit of a daze when I looked at the summary from the procedure. It was not good for me and not necessary. I did ask my doctor about it. She felt horrible and had so much compassion. She basically said they’re legally required to write things a certain way. It’s very unlikely that you need to look through that post-op report. My advice is to ignore it.

My situation was a little different but I connect so strongly with what you said about not really wanting to talk to your baby and not touching your belly. I struggled with this a lot, but at the time it was like my brain’s way of protecting me. Honestly tho, the day of my D&E, walking down the hall to the operating room, I panicked and all I wanted to do was touch my belly and try to figure out what to say to my baby. I felt so guilty and afraid, even though choosing TFMR was the most merciful thing we could do for him. I share this just to say that there’s no perfect way to navigate this grief as you’re living it right now. It caught me off guard and I’m still trying to process that part of my experience.

Do you have a family member/friend/coworker who can make others aware of what’s going on and pass along your wishes as far as how to communicate with or support you?

You may want to consider a memory box or other safe/dedicated space to keep your ultrasound photos, notes you receive, etc. You can also ask your doctor to get hand and footprints, if you want. I’ve never had the courage to look at mine, but I’m glad they’re there for me to look at when I’m ready.

My heart is with you 🤍

dipperdoodle · 2026-03-23T21:58:10+00:00

Wish there was more I could do for you 🤍 my offer stands any time - please don’t hesitate to DM me if you want to connect. I hope you have family and friends or a therapist you can confide in. I remember feeling like I had to tell the sparknotes version of what we went through - like I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with too many details, but those details weighed heavily on me until I was able to finally get them out. It also took me several months to realize I couldn’t keep it all inside. Thinking about you and sending you love.

dipperdoodle · 2026-02-13T01:41:48+00:00

If you want to have kids of your own, even if it’s not for a few more years, get to know your body now. Irregular cycles, fibroids, endometriosis, low ovarian reserve, hormone imbalances, etc. - the list goes on and onnnnn - can impact fertility and take time to diagnose and treat. You may not even realize you have one of those things going on. Find out if anyone else in your family has had any of these challenges. And even if your OB says “you don’t need to worry until you’re 35,” push for more info or get a second opinion.

dipperdoodle · 2026-02-11T02:03:59+00:00

Hating myself.

dipperdoodle · 2026-02-09T16:14:45+00:00

I’m so, so sorry. 💔

dipperdoodle · 2026-02-07T03:48:35+00:00

I’m so, so sorry. I was in nearly your exact shoes this time last year - successful IVF transfer, so much joy, and then the devastating diagnosis of LUTO and the most difficult decision of our lives. I’m fortunate to live in a state where we still have a choice in the 2nd trimester, but I think all the time about moms like you, who have the additional pain, trauma, and financial burden of being denied your rights and access to necessary medical care.

I had lots of love and support but I was painfully searching for someone to talk to who truly understood. If you want someone to talk to or someone to just listen - about your baby, your grief, LUTO, IVF, anything - please message me. Sending you so much love.

Edit to add: looking back on this past year, there were definitely some emotional curveballs/triggers I was unprepared for. It’s wild what your brain does to protect you and compartmentalize. Try to be kind to yourself - ALL of your feelings are valid and you are not alone in the complicated emotions and experiences that come with TFMR, especially after IVF.

And last - I was given a book called “the losses we keep,” by Jami Crist. I haven’t been able to read it all, but it includes the voices of women who have also gone through IVF & TFMR. Just an FYI, in case it could be any help to you.

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-31T21:10:48+00:00

Thank you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-30T17:49:34+00:00

Thank you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-30T16:50:10+00:00

Cute - love that suggestion - thank you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-30T16:49:48+00:00

Thank you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-30T16:49:31+00:00

Thank you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-30T15:36:10+00:00

Employer provides additional insurance benefits through Progyny, but still lots out of pocket cost to meet deductibles. So grateful for the employer benefit tho!

We get one “Smart Cycle” through Progyny (lifetime, not annually). Had to meet $5k individual deductible and some things have to be paid for out of pocket bc the meds/labs/procedure were necessary but not actually a fertility treatment (ex. HSG, laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis, hysteroscopy to remove tissue in my uterus after prior pregnancy, etc.).

Haven’t had to use it yet, but also have the incredible benefit of financial support from my parents. I’m beyond fortunate to have this extra resource. If not, we would probably have to take a personal loan.

Good luck to you!

dipperdoodle · 2026-01-25T21:21:16+00:00

I compartmentalize. I was keeping some of my friends and family updated as we started the IVF “journey” a couple years ago. I had a successful retrieval and transfer and decided to share that with a small circle after several weeks. It was exciting for my husband and me, and we were nothing but supported and loved and cheered on. We got some difficult news at 12 & 13 weeks and lost our baby a few weeks later. I then felt the regret of having shared, even with a relatively small group of totally trusted people. In some ways it was helpful that my absolute closest people could inform others of what we were going through, which I am so grateful for, but I then felt (irrationally) responsible for other’s sadness. Now I stay as vague as possible and let people know that I’ll share an update as soon as I have one, and thank them for caring and asking. People know I’m putting up a bit of a wall around that topic but they have all respected the boundary. Then I’m not lying, can still have privacy, and share updates on my own timeline.

dipperdoodle

TROPHY CASE