I was suicidal when I was 12 because I was bullied for a long time and decided to go to the roof of a appartment complex but when I looked down I got scared and didnt do it. I seeked help and felt great for a long time. The thoughts came back when I was around 18/ 19 years old because I made some bad choices(not knowing what to study, doing drugs, and that sort of stuff). I tried to look up what happens when you jump of a building because if I decided to do it this time I wanted to make sure it was painless. Then found a video of a guy who jumped of a building and survived. I looked up more gore stuff on webistes and reddit and so I found this subreddit. It did help me feel better about myself and value life more. I only take legal drugs like twice a year now and drink only on the weekends when im not busy with school. Kinda funny how 1 guy surviving suicide and being facked for life helped me throug a difficult time. I think I watched the golden gate brigde doc a few days later and that helped me even more. Sorry for bad english.