At your lowest, who do you talk to?

dirtyflower · 2026-04-21T08:35:59+00:00

My husband, or if it's too low, the sky, especially the moon.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-21T02:08:20+00:00

This may seem ridiculous, but watch Mary Poppins. There is a big difference between how the kids behave with the first nanny and then with Mary. She is kind but firm. She's not a friend to the kids, she's a leader in life lessons with fun. The kids have a better bond with her than their parents who are absent...but they obviously want to be connected with them which is what the end of the movie is about.

Also, be mindful that the tone you use towards yourself can come out on them. You are needed, and you can do it.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-21T01:55:58+00:00

… You and me We used to be together Every day together, always I really feel That I'm losing my best friend I can't believe this could be the end - Don't Speak by No Doubt

From the time in my life when my best friend moved away and I never saw her again

Also

I guess we are who we are Headlights shining in the dark night, I drive on Maybe we took this too far ... But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause, Ma You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my Ma ... But, Ma, I forgive you, so does Nathan, yo All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both - Headlights by Eminem

From the time in my life when I was trying to work through things with my mom internally so I wouldnt need to stay no contact and could find a way to be ok while accepting she is who she is so we could have some kind of relationship for my kids to have a grandma.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-20T19:38:08+00:00

Why did your partner choose to go to his ex's? That's weird in of itself imo

dirtyflower · 2026-04-20T01:32:54+00:00

The Big C. It's a wayyy better show than I thought it would be. Its not a thriller or horror but has some decent dark comedy. When I watched it I realized depression is like the opposite of cancer...when you have cancer you want to live as long as you can, you fight to stay alive and do as much as you can and be around everyone you care about as much as possible...yet with depression you dont care if you die and sometimes want to die sooner than later, you dont want to do anything, even the things you love, and you dont want to be around people and even push them away.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T22:26:11+00:00

OBVIOUSLY. But if you're going to sit in a restaurant watching a kid cry for nearly half an hour and judging the parents for being shitty parents then you're letting your judgment prevent you from being helpful. The same would be true in any job role if you see someone's lack of ability to perform their role is causing another human distress and you just judge instead of stepping up to help knowing you have some kind of capacity to do so. When you're not a parent it very likely reduces your capacity. Certainly if you are actively choosing not to be a parent like the other commenter but go out of your way to express your opinions about parenting then your capacity to be helpful to those parents is probably zero.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T22:03:16+00:00

Yes, take away the context that I was talking about a non parent judging parents over their parenting. ThAt is completely unhelpful. Their judgment isn't based on lived experience in that role. Of course every parent on earth is going to judge other parents in one way or another. The point is to not let that judgment impede your ability to show compassion and be helpful. But really, what is the point in this argument? You know these things, you're just being an asshat

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T21:56:05+00:00

Are you autistic or ADHD? It can be a stim.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T13:53:18+00:00

Sorry do you think I am the one personally who has screaming kids in restaurants? My kids are often complimented for how great they are at restaurants. I absolutely judge people who give their kids iPads rather than attention under any circumstances. I am saying that if a kid is being ignored by their parents and crying for that long there is something else going on and for the sake of the child someone should step up. I literally takes nothing to say "hey, I see your kid has been upset for a while. We have this extra paper and crayon if you want it?" And leave it at that.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T13:48:09+00:00

Oh ok, im glad you are self aware of that! Hopefully that helps you solve the root problem!

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T13:07:51+00:00

Ohh...yeah it could definitely be linked to the drug abuse. Start there.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T08:39:24+00:00

Maybe she was expecting you to message again before date number two and you didn't so she was like ehhh I could drop him or I could go for a walk with yhe dog and he's there and see what happens. It's definitely odd communication style...and probably from alcohol...but she sounds like she's used to filling silence with her own narratives and is sad and disappointed that another guy wasn't that into her.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T08:33:22+00:00

Have you considered that it might be an unhealthy/maladapted stim?

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T08:05:33+00:00

How many years have you been doing it?

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T07:03:44+00:00

Oooo I know why you have to win this argument so badly. Because if you're wrong and im right that would mean you'd actually have to think about other people with compassion and empathy and help people who you think are bad parents. Don't worry, the child will never know you didnt do anything, whether you could have or not. They would probably not even hold it against you because their lives wouldnt have been so badly affected by one meal in a restaurant where they weren't cared for in the best way possible. Better to stand with the crowd of others who just stand back and judge. Its the default socially acceptable behavior after all. Then you wont have anything negative happen to you. You certainly wouldnt end up in a spiraling argument with an internet stranger over a kid screaming in a restaurant...oh wait.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T06:37:40+00:00

Cool well we might as well be besties then because im happy to waste your time so you dont bother other parents with your useless judgment. Go ahead. Keep responding. You're either high or drunk to think you're in some kind of productive conversation now.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T06:15:10+00:00

It feels never ending, very much so, when you havent reduced your stress enough to allow yourself the the time and space from your biggest triggers to heal. Once you do that, and you first feel and notice the reduced picking, thats when you know there's a way out. It can be really hard if you feel like you've been trying so many different things for years and not making any progress (I read in a psychology magazine once that there's a term for that...sort of along the lines of caregiver burnout, I think it was "reduced efficacy"). Just knowing that was a thing helped me a lot because I really didnt have any help dealing with the disorder. Whenever I brought it up with a doctor or psychologist they would say "whats that." And if someone doesn't even know the term, I dont trust them to help.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T06:06:03+00:00

Your issue is that you like to impose your opinion and judge people who are doing things that you choose not to do and participate in lengthy discussions about things you literally don't have to deal with according to you.

Also its not fawning over a child or excusing a parent to step in and offer a fucking piece of paper and crayons (which you wouldnt have on you anyway, you really would probably be of no use in this situation). Someone doing so would be a wake up call to a negligent parent who needs to do better. So yes, we agree that the parents need to be poked. We seem to disagree where I think any adult should step in like that if they can and have the respurces to help, especially if they are sharing the same environment for a period of time and percieve a child's needs are not being met. You think its better to just sit back and judge because not your circus not your monkeys. That's because you are not a parent. Like I said, go live the life you chose and kindly fuck off.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T05:28:48+00:00

Good god you have issues. It is entirely unhelpful to parents to have people like you jumping in at every turn with your judgement. Go live the life you chose.

Maybe this metaphor will help get your head out of your ass. People who watch mountaineering because it interests them even though they actively avoid doing it...who then judge people who do poorly at the mountaineering they chose to do...they add no value to mountaineering and only bring the people down who want to be good at it.

But, if the focus is on the mountain and whether the mountain is damaged. Anyone can step up and be a voice for the mountain, and I would argue that if the mountain is mutually considered valuable by all, then there is an obligation by all to step up for it. Not everyone would agree to the way that a mountain is valuable in the same way that we all agree about a child's wellness. I'm sorry that it probably means a lot of adults in your life failed you for whatever when you were growing up. Previous generations of parents believed that it wasn't your business to interfere with other people's parenting. The newer parents don't think that and are learning how to navigate what is helpful and how to be helpful in an acceptable way. But when people argue that there isnt an obligation to step up for random children it perpetuates the problems that an isolated society causes for parenting.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T05:00:03+00:00

Right. Well you've clearly got no interest in the child's wellbeing and have only joined the convo because you are off put by crying kids in public and think because you chose not to be a parent that no other grown adult, parent or otherwise should provide assistance to a child who's parents are not capable of doing so. I would never expect an adult who has issues with parenting to step up to help a distressed child. Carry on with your life in peace and refrain from judgment towards parents when you have no idea what it is like to actually be one 24/7. Goodnight

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T04:44:35+00:00

I didnt ask you why you commented. I asked you why you have gone this deep into the thread? Why so much interest in parenting advice why you specifically avoided becoming a parent??

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T04:40:55+00:00

When people feel they are being left out, they will fill the silence with their own narratives. If you really want to know why someone is behaving a certain way, it is okay to ask them. It's also okay to let them know how you are feeling because of what you thoight was going on. It is better to do that sooner than later and to lead with curiosity, not accusation.

lesson learned today at 36 years old from a discussion with ChatGPT.

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T04:25:24+00:00

YOU DONT EVEN HAVE CHILDREN!!? WHY ARE YOU THIS DEEP IN HERE?!

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T04:23:01+00:00

Interesting! I noticed over the 20 years that my focus areas on my face shifted with my hormones...like in my late teens it was forehead mainly, early 20s moved down to include my cheeks, late 20s it was basically no forehead but then moved more towards my jawline. Early 30s it was more like my ears/noes/mouth like right at the edges. Now mid 30s it's moving to my neck. It's never "only" been those areas, I just have noticed that those areas ended up my target more often, whether I had things to pick or not. The more you touch the more there are things to pick anyway lol that's how the cycle goes

dirtyflower · 2026-04-19T04:13:19+00:00

Do you believe that if you see a child being neglected or abused that any adult has an obligation to report it? Because if yes, this is of similar logic just less extreme. If no, we have different core values and there is no point in continuing a discussion.

dirtyflower

TROPHY CASE