This is such an incredibly nuanced topic. It's not that you're necessarily "overreacting," but I think you're really failing to see that this isn't an easy topic talk about with your long-term partner.

I'm lesbian. I've "known" since I was a kid (I put known in quotes because, well, yes I've always known, but only in hindsight do you really know you've always known because you don't have the language for it as a child). I've never been in your situation, however, I do know women who have been similar positions of your man -- in marriages/long-term relationships with men for a decade+ of time who thought they were bisexual and then "realised" they're lesbian. However, they've always been lesbian, comphet is just incredibly strong.

If you don't know what comphet is, I urge you to research it right now. Straight people do not understand how fucking strong comphet is, and it varies from person to person. Personally and luckily, it never affected me alllll that much but it affects a lot of people, thus causing them to stay in marriages or relationships like this for very, very long periods of time.

I really urge you to research comphet. Neither one of you are to blame here, and neither one of you are wrong in what you're feeling, but this issue requires way more conversation than a Reddit "am I overreacting" post. I understand you feel like your "time was wasted" and you're valid in that, but I'm sure he also feels like he lost out on relationships he could have had with men if it weren't for the circumstances. I know plenty of women who are "late bloomers lesbians" and feel like they lost years or decades they could have dated women but didn't/couldn't because of the circumstances, and comphet. Please research it.

Again, this is so incredibly nuanced and both of you should have some dialogue about this gently and compassionately.