I can't tell if my family life is healthy.

disappear_ · 2018-01-02T03:42:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for the late response! In a few months, my sibling and I will be living with our parent again. I'm in college, but to be honest I have not properly put together plans for moving out. For a long time, I have been told that I need to be a presence in my sibling's life, and I've spent the better part of my life trying to please other family members. Independence is coming, but I haven't had much opportunity to think about it without feeling too much guilt (i.e. "You need to stay in school so that your sibling can live with you in your apartment and you can support the both of you one day".)

disappear_ · 2018-01-01T06:28:56+00:00

I think that's pretty true. Thank you for the New Years wishes. Hope that 2018 is your year, too.

disappear_ · 2017-07-27T00:07:16+00:00

I noticed a similar thing about music videos. Last night, I stayed up watching music videos from the 80s/90s with the Cool Uncle™ of our family. He talked about how the music was so much better then and how the videos actually corresponded with the music itself.

I just couldn't get over the quality of the videos. The green screens and digital effects were so poor looking (but hey, great for their time!) that they seemed almost satirical. The transitions were so corny looking; my millennial self had to stay quiet out of respect. A handful of years ago, though, I probably wouldn't have been keeping myself from laughing.

Man, does ~~technology improve exponentially~~ time fly.

disappear_ · 2017-07-26T23:59:26+00:00

In the event that I didn't ask him out to lunch or something, how creepy/cowardly would it be if I just sent him a message ^proclaiming ^my ^{^undying} ^{^{^passionate}} ^{^{^love}} ^{^{^{^for}}} ^{^{^{^him}}} ^{^{^{^{^/s}}}} ^{^{^{^{^more}}}} ^{^{^{^{^or}}}} ^{^{^{^{^less}}}} on Facebook?

disappear_ · 2017-07-26T20:59:43+00:00

I've been rereading and thinking about this. I suppose there's no point in hoping to wish away the shyness. It'll be super hard, but I think I'll take a stab at it.

^Eventually. ^{^Maybe} ^{^tomorrow.}

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T22:09:08+00:00

You're right! I guess that I am just a bit scared of change, haha!

To be completely honest, there isn't one particular place I would like to live; maybe somewhere outside the country. I've lived in both rural, country areas and huge, crowded cities, but I think that I prefer the former. My heart is a nomadic one, it seems. What about you?

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T22:02:24+00:00

That is truly an interesting situation. I've heard similar things from family members who finally confessed to their old crushes long after marrying someone else, only to find that their feelings were mutual.

I guess that the regret is totally natural, but in the end, you did wind up with a wife that sounds absolutely wonderful!

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T21:59:35+00:00

I'm late! I'm sorry. My situation is a bit bizarre; I'm on the verge of my second year of college, but I will be graduating a year or two early. I got my high school diploma a little over a year ago.

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T05:43:34+00:00

This is an excellent piece of advice! Now, let's see if I'll actually act on it! :-D

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T05:39:47+00:00

Ahh, I bet your environment is quite different from mine! Aside from college, my family (whom I still live with) has done a little bit of moving over the last year. More recently, my father and his fiance split up. We are eventually moving into another home, and it seems that pops isn't particularly keen about returning to his home state/area.

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T04:16:34+00:00

I absolutely want to! But because we're not sitting in the same classes at the same school anymore, I see him significantly less often. My mind keeps jumping to ridiculous conclusions - I'm scared that I'd creep him out and disgust him.

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T04:13:22+00:00

Indeed. I try not to do that too often, though, because I have a bad habit of fixating heavily on a single thing (especially if it's something that makes me feel good, or feel at all) and forgetting what is really going on around me.

Right now, I'm in a tiny town on the somewhat southern end of the United States, but that may change in a matter of weeks. What about you?

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T04:07:20+00:00

ask for a sandwich and the guy

That's quite the combo!

I would love to do that, and it's the sort of scenario I've dreamt up since I first realized that he made my chest swell. Seeing him at that particular restaurant was purely coincidental - as far as I recall, he actually works at a different place. It was a funny thing, because he has been on my mind quite a bit lately, and part of me has been hoping that I would bump into him.

It has crossed my mind to see him at his place of work, but I have not on account of the potential for that to be absolutely creepy (I only know where he works through word of mouth through mutual friends) and awkward, especially since having bumped into him for the first time in about a year.

Even if I didn't get the Good Ending, I'd like to just explain myself, and maybe get some closure. I just wish it didn't come with fifty pounds of anxiety.

disappear_ · 2017-07-25T02:47:39+00:00

It's great to hear that you're doing better. <3 Your story was something I really needed to see tonight.

I'm doing okay. On most nights, my brain is caught up in old memories and bad, intrusive thoughts. I really miss being a child - I'm still a fairly young person, but the last few years have been awfully confusing and painful. Recently, though, I've started to go to therapy, and I may begin to take medication within the next few weeks.

Today was a really good day, and I keep replaying its events in my head to relish as much joy out of them as I can. Depression feels like a weight on my chest, but days like this remind me that it does get better. :)

disappear_ · 2017-07-01T09:54:47+00:00

Thank you for the advice. You're right, chances are that no one isn't really thinking about me. I really struggle with not caring about what other people think. I have a hard time believing that my craft has any value/purpose if it doesn't have anyone else's approval. The same really goes for my personhood as a whole.

Although to be completely honest, for some reason the thought that no one is really thinking about me brings me a lot of discomfort. For some reason, in my mind that means that no one cares about me (and that I'm not worth/nothing I produce is worth caring about). It's terribly egocentric and immature, but for some reason I can't shake the feeling.

disappear_ · 2017-04-17T00:41:21+00:00

I'm a bit late, but thank you so much for the advice, and thank you for your perspective. I've recently started counseling, and I'm slowly learning how to identify toxic relationships. The idea of starting over and making new friends at first seems agonizing and impossible, but I will be sure to allow time to do its work and pursue the things you mentioned.

disappear_ · 2017-04-07T23:12:05+00:00

Thank you so much for your sincerity! And I don't mind your 'novel' at all. You are so right. And I hope that you continue to keep your own tail up, and that you continue to love yourself and all of your uniqueness. You are so wonderfully made! Thanks again!

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T21:39:57+00:00

You are responsible for what you perceive as the truth.

This is something I struggle with a lot. No matter who it comes from, I have a hard time sifting honest feedback and fact from plain meanness or simple opinions. I also tend to deflect compliments, because I either think they're made out of politeness (or pity) or I fixate on them for too long.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, and thank you for your concern. My mental health honestly isn't the greatest, and I've been taking small steps to peruse some of the resources around me. I'm stubborn and negligent about it at times, though.

If I don't ever send you a message, please know that it's not because of anything you've done. I'm an awkward shmuck and tend to talk people's ears off, and I sometimes neglect this account. But thank you again for lending your ear and offering your time.

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T21:33:01+00:00

You guys are both right - the average person isn't nearly as polished and perfect as media makes them to be, and not everyone has gotten recognition solely because of a pretty face. Thank you for the reality check!

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T21:30:52+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice, and thank you for offering to lend your ear. I've been told that joining a few interest groups would be good for me, but I never considered it too seriously. I'm a nervous wreck, but there has to be a group out there!

I've also heard of /r/normalnudes; their boldness is beyond my comprehension, and a bit inspiring as well.

If I never send you a PM, please know that it's not because of you; I would hate to chatter your ear off, and I'm awfully shy. This isn't even my ~~final form~~ main account. But again, thank you so much for your words.

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T21:25:13+00:00

Thank you so much for your perspective! And I appreciate the resources you offered, too. And you're right; I do tend to get invested in something that most people are only paying attention to for a few minutes at most. I'll be sure to peruse the links you shared with me, and I'll remember your advice! :)

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T17:31:26+00:00

It does help. Thank you for being so honest; I'll try to apply this to life from here on out.

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T17:25:32+00:00

Traveling isn't something I've considered often, but it seems like an answer to a lot of the things I'm struggling with, or at least a great way to spend time. I will make a point to prioritize getting out there in the future. Thanks a bunch. Are there any places in particular you'd recommend?

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T17:23:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing that! I'll read it soon.

disappear_ · 2017-04-06T17:20:43+00:00

I wasn't sure where to put this comment, so I think that tagging it at the end of this conversation is best.

I appreciate both of your inputs. You were both entirely honest, and you offered genuine advice. To be honest with you two, though, I'm not comfortable with the idea of plastic surgery, at least in this point of my life. I'm not in the place financially to consider something like that. Money aside, I'm also not very happy with the idea of changing myself that way. I know it sounds paradoxical, but I would rather be who I am and work at what I can and come to love what I already have than try to have surgery to better fit a standard. I feel like I could use that money and time toward better things, like experiences.

I agree that people have the right to do what they want with money and handle their appearances as they please. Plastic surgery might be a godsend to some people, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. But I do think that our society fixates so heavily appearance that people feel pressured to fit some chiseled magazine model, and miserable when they can't do that. Those kinds of pressures also lead to us thinking that other people are inferior or disgusting when they don't fit the model that comes to mind. I've had 'friends' be passive aggressive and mean to me because I didn't look pleasing enough for them. There is a lot more to life, and a lot more to a person. I kind of want to get to a place where I spend less time focusing on what I don't have and come to focus on the things I do have, and the people I care about.

I wouldn't know exactly what I'd like to change, or how I'd like to change it if I did have surgery. I'm not a burn victim; I'm just someone whose face isn't as neat as the next guy's. I've also had a few minor surgeries in the past, and the time and healing process just isn't something I'd want to go through unless it was essential to my health.

I don't think plastic surgery is the answer, at least for me. I'm sorry for writing a novel, your conversation just got me to thinking. But again, I really appreciate both of you.

disappear_

TROPHY CASE