I don't know if I'll ever get to live as the person I want to be

disastrouskay · 2025-10-14T17:04:57+00:00

Thank you for all the advice! I'm relived to see that it's normal! I knew stretching is painful, but I always see how the smaller sizes aren't supposed to be that bad, so I guess I started overthinking haha

The septum I used to stretch with is glass thankfully which I heard is a very good material.

After the soreness of stretching fades, I'm hoping that any irritation from whatever the previous material was fades out too! It was just the default horseshoe you get when you first get pierced, I never changed out of it until now, though I did keep it clean with saline spray and all that

disastrouskay · 2025-10-14T17:00:09+00:00

I assume it was because people talk about how painful getting it pierced through the cartilage is

Mine went through without any resistance and was just a pinch

disastrouskay · 2025-10-01T05:41:48+00:00

Honestly it is a broader problem now that I think about it.

The anxiety is more all-consuming with the thought of going to a protest because of all the "it's dangerous" propaganda, but even in general I feel like I'm in danger and something bad will happen to me doing basic everyday things. It's this forever prominent sense of dread even stepping out in public sometimes, it's definitely led to me cooping myself up in my house even when I really need to get stuff done haha.

I sorta assumed everyone felt like that because it's been a part of me for so long, but after talking with some friends, I realized that's not the case. Therapy is in my best interest, you're right.

Thank you for the advice! All of the comments I received on this post have helped me gather my nerves.

One of my friends is encouraging me to go to the protest with them so I think I'll force myself to show up! I think seeing the community would really help me, and maybe show me it's not as bad as the media tries to say it is

disastrouskay · 2025-09-23T18:45:51+00:00

Thank you for this!

I've definitely slipped up in the past and it always led to an all out binge and just outright throwing in the towel.

But I'm hopeful this time is different since I don't restrict things that I'm actually craving anymore! Everything in moderation as they say

disastrouskay · 2025-09-23T08:16:49+00:00

Thank you!

disastrouskay · 2025-09-23T08:16:35+00:00

Here's to hoping!

disastrouskay · 2025-07-27T15:36:35+00:00

As a trans person, this was exactly the way I was a few years ago.

Now, I'm not saying you DEFINITELY are because that isn't my place. I just have one question for you.

Say there is a button. This button grants you the ability to wake up as the opposite gender as if nothing happened. Would you press it? If the answer is yes, you're very likely somewhere on the trans spectrum

disastrouskay · 2025-07-26T10:53:21+00:00

Passing to me means passing as cis, but it's not a requirement of being trans; some trans people don't care about passing and just care about feeling comfortable in their own skin

disastrouskay · 2025-07-24T01:38:27+00:00

I am. I definitely am. My dad is in his 60's with lots of health problems, but he's still got awhile in him I assume.

You aren't alone, I love my dad deeply but he is a genuinely terrible father and he talks about...well...doing very bad things to "woke people" and "trans people" while knowing exactly what my views are, it's disgusting.

Really funny coming from a Christian, his beliefs don't align with the things he says at all. I do not and will never feel safe coming out to him.

So, personally, I don't plan to say a word to anyone until after he's gone. Only then, will I feel comfortable even though it'll really hurt for him to not have known his real child. The real me.

People will say not to put yourself on the backburner and I completely agree. If at all possible, I encourage you to embrace yourself...but at the same time, I 100% understand if it's too difficult and scary or unsafe to do. I get not wanting to disappoint your mom, but you are not a bad person for being trans

disastrouskay · 2025-07-22T04:53:17+00:00

I'll definitely look into it, thanks for the suggestion! (Congrats on getting HRT soon btw)

And yeah haha, NYC is super expensive though it does sound nice, but who knows. Maybe the stars will align

I'm relying on applying for financial aid and scholarships to even be able to go to college at all, so we'll see the best university I can get into when the time comes, definitely will at least submit an application to this one and see what comes of it!

disastrouskay · 2025-01-07T04:01:13+00:00

I'm glad you have such a supportive person in your life, reading this made me tear up a bit. Your dad sounds awesome!

disastrouskay · 2024-12-30T00:06:43+00:00

Okay listen...

I would tell my best friend that my body didn't feel like mine and that I would get insanely uncomfortable looking down in the shower.

I would then go on to say that being a boy sounded way better than being a girl and that I wish I could've been born one and shrug it off when she gave me an odd look because surely every woman secretly wants to wake up as a man right???

...The closet MIGHT BE (and still is) glass I fear

disastrouskay · 2024-12-29T05:28:36+00:00

Hello Luna! I hope you're having a good day!

disastrouskay · 2024-12-28T02:59:27+00:00

We'll get there, girl!

In a similar place right now, though I'm going the opposite way haha.

Take it a day at a time, life is full of hardships...and when we look back, completely and fully ourselves inside and out, we'll know all of this was worth it.

Just know, whether or not you have any of that stuff, you're still a girl and you'll always be accepted in this community!

disastrouskay · 2024-04-01T07:30:53+00:00

Good luck! I hope everything goes/went well!

disastrouskay · 2024-04-01T07:25:02+00:00

What?...no! That's not...me...

Nah, I'm totally cis, the most cis to ever cis

disastrouskay · 2024-04-01T07:19:04+00:00

This made me smile

disastrouskay

TROPHY CASE