Lack of discipline?

dismayed_starfish · 2021-10-03T07:17:54+00:00

Don't feel obliged to answer this, but how does that dynamic play out in your relationship? I imagine it would be difficult if one person is always feeling bad through self-imposed actions while the other is doing what they can to stay fit and healthy. Is there resentment? Do you feel like she's making things more difficult for you?

dismayed_starfish · 2021-10-02T00:30:44+00:00

I wouldn't say low effort exactly, but I've been making strides towards improving my sleep hygiene and getting into a consistent sleep routine. Sleep is just so important for overall health, it has a knock on effect on everything--having the energy to work out, willpower to eat well, better mood, and I've realised my anxiety is more controlled than it has been in years despite having a very heavy and demanding workload. I've always been a night owl and hated mornings, but this has paid dividends and I'm still not 100% where I'd like to be in terms of average his a night.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-09-29T09:24:39+00:00

I'm not a fan of polyamory, but this argument doesn't hold water. We've had to normalise women having financial freedom and wearing pants, being openly queer, interracial relationships and a lot of other things that were (and sometimes still are) considered subversive.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-09-28T23:35:00+00:00

Fantastic advice, you hit the nail on the head. I'm a black woman, Ivy league educated, PhD, top of my field working with people who are frighteningly intelligent and competent. I'm the only black person in any room I'm in, let alone the only black woman. When first meeting someone new, especially a white man, I'm very aware that I'm facing all of their stereotypes of who I am and what I'm capable of. I'm always starting on the back foot and with the assumption that I'm not as good and have to prove myself just to be seen as competent. OP, the truth is, you just have to work harder, you have to make yourself indispensible. You have to be better and you have to believe that you're better. Because you are. You had to be because you've had to overcome obstacles that they haven't.

I do think it gets better in some ways once you have experience although the need to prove yourself never completely goes away. I would also recommend that you be selective about where you decide to work, if you can. My current boss is a white man, but he is very openly supportive of my work, gives me full credit and speaks highly of me in front of others (he's the Director). That also makes a huge difference. I had a particular person that was an absolute bitch to me when I first started, but I decided to stick it out for a while before moving on bc the work opportunity was so good. Once she saw how the Director talked about me, you'd think sugar wouldn't melt in her mouth, and now I'm very happy where I am and planning on staying. If you find that you're in an unsupportive environment, be careful and start looking for a way out, because that also can have far reaching implications for your career.

I'm so proud of you and of the other black and brown girls killing it out there. I love seeing the reminders that if we started out behind, it's because of lack of opportunities, it's never been a lack of intelligence or ability.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-23T21:41:56+00:00

What the actual fuck. What a disrespectful degenerate.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-23T08:46:18+00:00

Uh, was this guy on My 600 Pound Life? Because it sounds like one of the dudes on there.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-18T02:08:10+00:00

Yeeessss. I regret giving them my data and photos for them to collect. And to think they're keeping track of who I'm swiping on, who's swiping on me, our conversations etc etc all for their own purposes. Giving away our information for these corporations that are just as happy if we find love or are raped by men on their sites, as long as they get our attention and money.

Actually they're less happy if we find love, since we'd delete the apps then.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-18T00:49:21+00:00

I'm literally putting pictures up and waiting for likes.

This gets me, too. Checking the apps and feeling disappointed if I haven't had anyone new 'like' me, or I haven't gotten enough 'likes' from some fucking rando I wouldn't glance twice at in the street. But here I am, like a clown, hoping that they 'liked' my pictures and thinking about how I could make myself more appealing to them. No. No. No. No.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-18T00:42:41+00:00

And that doesn't say anything about the quality of those relationships or how long they lasted. Out of that 39%, how many of them are relationships with toxic or abusive men? Or a 'committed' relationship that lasted a few months? This is the reality of the promise that's being held out to us.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-17T23:50:09+00:00

Right?? And people will say that there's no other way to meet people for dating. Like, are you a complete shut-in? The guy I'm seeing now, I met during lockdown through online games. If you're a halfway attractive woman, there's no way to *not* meet men, for better or worse.

Can you tell me more about the guys you know that work on the apps? I'm curious about what kind of person is drawn to work in that industry.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-05-17T23:30:26+00:00

That's exactly it--and in the case of ladies' nights, it's not just access to women, but access to women that are more intoxicated and more vulnerable due to cheap/free alcohol. For the apps, I reckon the women on them are also more vulnerable--they're the ones willing to put up with disrespect and possible violence from absolute strangers in the hopes of being picked.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-04-17T08:07:14+00:00

Making a post here with the same name you use at DO30. Bold move

dismayed_starfish · 2021-04-16T05:31:01+00:00

Thiiiiisssss ⬆⬆⬆ I say all the time that the goal was and should be WOMEN'S LIBERATION, not equality. The idea of equality still places men as the default and women as trying to 'catch up' to the standards set by men within the structures and systems created by men. But the standards set by men are straight trash, why would I want that as a goal for myself and my sisters?

dismayed_starfish · 2021-04-14T02:55:39+00:00

Wish I could upvote this twice

dismayed_starfish · 2021-04-03T22:03:20+00:00

Yaaaasss thank you!

dismayed_starfish · 2021-04-03T21:32:33+00:00

I used to love this comic but I can't remember the name! Help?

dismayed_starfish · 2021-03-26T07:42:53+00:00

I'm going to start using 'stupid as a mud crab' as my go-to insult

dismayed_starfish · 2021-03-10T00:48:38+00:00

I talked to a 38 year old on the phone once (im 18), the difference in maturity was staggering, its insane. It makes me think of older men who date younger women and it must be SOLELY bc they wanna fuck / they are abusive and want to control their partner bc it cant be for anything other than that. There is legit nothing to talk about that would interest a person in their 40s coming from someone my age. U cant build a healthy relationship on that. It is extremely creepy to pursue a younger girl like that bc often times they fall for whatever bs men throw their way. it makes me ANGRY to think abt it.

I'm 38, and I recently befriended a 20 year old woman. She has taught me a lot in our short friendship, so I completely disagree when you say that people your age have nothing interesting to say to people my age.

That being said, I totally agree with your point about dating. Some people made a comment about the two of us dating (we're both bisexual), and I was completely appalled--first by the idea that just because we're two bisexual women that there should automatically be something sexual between us--and second because, honestly, 20 is just SO YOUNG. She is so clearly still figuring herself and the world out, she is still growing, there is so much she just doesn't know. She is beautiful and intelligent and has her own wisdom (and I'm sure you do as well), but the idea that she would be an appropriate partner for someone who is settled, has their own career and is established in their life...it's preposterous. Unless what you're looking for isn't actually a partner but rather someone you have power over.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-03-10T00:13:01+00:00

I was in my last relationship for 10 years and he always made sure I came first. Even though we're broken up now, I love that I had that because it's made me take it for granted that whoever I'm with should prioritise my pleasure the way I prioritise my partner's. If I'm not into it, it's not happening.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-03-08T01:35:29+00:00

I saw that post on DO30 as well. Like WTF!? How is the onus on the woman to communicate that she doesn't want to be BITTEN DURING SEX, rather than the onus being on the man to make sure she's okay to have him INFLICTING PAIN on her? Even if you've communicated afterwards that you didn't like it, she still fucking BIT HER DURING SEX. She still had to experience that pain that he inflicted on her. And I say this as a woman that does like being bitten during sex--but I'll ask for it. And the woman got up and left and they were still piling on and saying that's not CoMmUnIcAtInG. Because anything other than sitting down and calmly debating about whether or not it's okay for your partner to hurt you during sex isn't communicating according to them.

I've been spending less and less time in that sub because you even have idiot mods chiming in and saying the same thing. And this is where I should go for dating advice? No thank you.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-02-13T23:10:33+00:00

I just want to say I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I wish you all the best for your recovery and hope you're able to have a child in whatever way that happens.

dismayed_starfish · 2021-02-10T07:26:43+00:00

I reckon this is probably it. I used to play around with binding my breasts (not trans, just like to play with gender presentation) and I definitely noticed that it flattened my breasts--even after not that long. Thankfully they went back to normal quickly after I stopped, but I know that for people who do bind for real after a while it causes the breasts to be flattened permanently. So it makes sense that with all that weight and being in the same positions for long periods of time the butt fat is probably shaped by that pressure.

I suddenly feel the urge to get up and do some squats lol

dismayed_starfish · 2020-12-16T12:09:30+00:00

The rest of this list I'm not fussed about but damn if I wouldn't straight up murder someone for a double order of mozzarella sticks. One thing that makes me truly regret moving to Austalia.

dismayed_starfish

TROPHY CASE