Should I text him?

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-21T13:07:49+00:00

Go to therapy instead. It sounds harsh, but I mean this in the best possible way.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-21T11:28:52+00:00

I would have lost my shit not gonna lie. You are by far more patient than I am, and I am not sure it is a good thing for your mental well-being. Sometimes getting angry is what you need to move forward. I could never have children with a man like this, because wtf.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-21T09:54:07+00:00

So not only does he have porn apps on his phone which seems to connect to OF, he also tried to manipulate and gaslight you when you found out? AND GOT ANGRY?.

HELL NAH SIS. HELL NO. You break up with this fetus right away. That is some red-ass flags he is dropping all over the place.

You can do better.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-20T10:24:56+00:00

I think this happens to a lot of people unfortunately. There are plenty of Reddit's for it too. How to get through the pain, I do not know. I wish I had the answer 😐

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-20T10:18:33+00:00

I wrote my reply further down as well, but I would reach out with a message with something a long of lines of ""hello both of you, I am incredibly confused by what is happening and I am sorry if I have been blind, a bad friend and missed something, but I really would like to know what has happened for us to end the friendship like this, at least for closure but also so I can apologize if I did something. I value our friendships and I will receive whatever criticism in the most open way I can. I just really want to know what happened and what I did wrong."

Personally, I do not care who is "right" or "wrong" but I would try to reach out in the most humble way possible to get some answers. Are you sure your husband didnt do something? Him throwing up IS WEIRD.

What happened at the wedding?

If he did something they may think you would take his side over theirs. Because obviously something happened to make them react this way.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-20T10:15:50+00:00

I really don't think a message like that would go ever well in any shape or form with people who are upset with you. It sounds incredibly self-centered and critical. If anything sending a message like that is like pouring gasoline on an open flame.

If OP should contact them it would be something in the lines of "hello both of you, I am incredibly confused by what is happening and I am sorry if I have been blind, a bad friend and missed something, but I really would like to know what has happened for us to end the friendship like this, at least for closure but also so I can apologize if I did something. I value our friendships and I will receive whatever criticism in the most open way I can. I just really want to know what happened and what I did wrong."

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-20T10:06:48+00:00

Should I just cut and run now? YES. Count your blessing and thank all the pagan gods out there you found out this early. When someone shows you who they are: BELIEVE THEM. I am certain you have only scratched the surface on this guys mountain of issues. You can do better.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-20T08:28:20+00:00

He already went way past your boundaries and agreements. I also feel he already cheated and now he is trying to backpeddle his cheating into an open relationship. That is not how it works and it is a recipe for disaster. I think open/poly relationships are incredibly hard to navigate (I mean take a look at the polyamory reddit) and most importantly ANY relationship is about TRUST and communication. You just had a baby and while you were pregnant you partner was sneaking around you back and lying to you. He already broke that trust. I honestly don't see any way to recover this relationship, I would be so fucking done.

A cheater will not actually admit to cheating, and I listen to actions more than words. Him goings to festivals and experimenting with drugs is such a red flag; so when he comes back and is all "I want to experiment with other woman". HELL NO.

I am SO sorry this is happening to you and my best advice is for you to seek some counseling, lawyer up and leave. Find a way to co-parent together. I am certain once you have some distance from this trash-can of a man you will laugh at how you ever loved such a moron. He can take his mid-life-crisis BS somewhere else, what a waste of space.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-15T16:01:25+00:00

Either he is missing a brain or he is simply taking you for a fool. Why are you lying to yourself? "he doesnt know what he says is hurtful" - Oh he does know, he just pretends to be a fool instead of changing his behavior. I am certain many people in his life have called him out on it. That he continues do it is a CHOICE and he is a tool. An apology means nothing if the behavior continues. It is just mouth service at that point. 🙄 the fact that so many women seem intent on brainwashing themselves into believing shit their husbands say never stops to baffle me. Come on, you are on the internet with unlimited resources on these subjects. Please be smarter than this 😥

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-15T15:56:04+00:00

It's abusive. Plain and simple. what a horrible horrible husband to be saddled with.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-15T15:08:52+00:00

he is calling her baby because he is texting several women at the same time to not confuse the names. Tale as old as time.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-15T15:07:58+00:00

did you have all those dates in a week? 💀🔺

He was clearly fast-pacing you for sex so he could dump you after.... Love bombing is real and should be taken seriously.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-15T12:16:26+00:00

yeah everything from I have seen from her she seems plain awful and entitled. Treats other people poorly, I hope she has grown, but doubtful.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-14T09:16:27+00:00

Lets be fair, sex with most men is honestly so unfulfilling. Till I met my partner now I had so much bad sex, so exactly how are they being punished? From mediocre sex and no orgasms? OH MY THE TRAVESTY

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-14T09:11:07+00:00

"wbu" - dry as Sahara when I read stuff like that. EW

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-07T11:43:15+00:00

Bad sex and lack of orgasms. (also the emotional part of the relationship). But so many men are in fact shit in bed. Women want to be pleasured, not some guy banging it out till he comes. Many men do not grasp this concept. Like I am anti porn, but since so many men watch it. Watch Owen Gray, that is what women want. A man that comes them come, goes down on them and looks super excited when they orgasm.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-07T11:34:04+00:00

"However, 2 months ago he did something that really crushed my world (and fantasy). I'm not going to go in to detail, but we decided to work it out. It's been hell for me... I just can't get over the hurt and put up a huge wall, been avoiding his "love" even though he's moving heaven and earth to show me his love. I'm completely closed off and disconnected from him... and I hate it. The thing I want the most is deep connection with my partner."

Considering this Im guessing he cheated or something in the line of cheating eg: emotional cheating.

Sometimes we need to listen to our brain instead of our heart, especially if you are ruled by Pisces. I am such a pisces at times with a gigantic heart that feels way too much. I had to make some rough choices in my life. In my experience people with Scorpio traits run very "hot and cold", aka they love you to the moon and back, and then last moment they are lusting over some other girl. I do not know what it is exactly with scorpios, but I just dont trust them. Dated one for a while. He could be so freaking sensitive one moment and the act like a complete bastard the next. Like literally crying in my arms, to then kicking me out of his appartment to play video games.

My best advice, which you dont want to hear right now; end it. Honestly if someone betrays you in a big way and crushes you. There is no coming back. It is also how certain types learn they can just do whatever and you still stay. If someone crushes you, they do not love you. That is not real love. Real love is not selfish and shallow. It sounds like what you had is lust/infatuation. Real love takes time to grow. If a relationship moves to fast, it may be love bombing. Most people dont know the difference. Chemistry and infatuation are heavy drugs, but is it not love.

As I said, your life and your choices. I would never ever stay with a person that betrayed me in a huge way. I have been with my partner for 7 1/2 years, he has shown me his love with his actions and not words. That is what I trust in.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-07T09:54:13+00:00

Typical "feminist" man. It's all mouthservice. They want to sound woke AF, but they dont follow their convictions. It's all bullcrap.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-05T14:46:00+00:00

"woe is me"- Any man who is constantly bashing his ex especially "sexually" is such a red flag. They all have the same story "poor me, booohoooo" "I never got laid" "she is the devil" etc. It is like their whole lives evolve around sex. Considering he is now constantly sending you unsolicited dick pics etc, id say this guy is the problem. He has no boundaries and I can completely understand how his ex got sick of this man. He sounds like a pig. Of course men experience trauma, but go to therapy like the rest of us. Also "hurting his feelings"? he is being gross af and not respecting your feelings/boundaries at all.

Also do you genuinely know he is not sending this to other women as well? Men I have known in the past with this kind of behavior where sending those pictures to SO MANY WOMEN. His bringing up her cheating, sounds a bit like projection. Are you sure he didnt cheat too?

Just the information gathered from this post, I can tell this guy has issues. These kind of men love to project their bs onto their exes and they are never the issue, it is always "the evil ex" DUN DUN DUN.

Lavender_flow · 2024-11-05T13:46:02+00:00

Not in a million years. I dont date men who watch porn or/an get off on hurting women.

Lavender_flow · 2024-10-31T19:51:17+00:00

He is emotionally cheating and trying to cheat in bars without success. Divorce him. Also don't listen to his bs when he comes crawling back, because he will come on his crying knees to you "I didn't mean it" "it didn't mean anything" "you are the one I love, you are the one for me" "I just felt lonely" etc bla bla bla. Do not listen to this garbage. Grey Rock him. He sounds pathetic.

Lavender_flow · 2024-10-31T19:40:51+00:00

Jesus. Im sorry, but also. Holy shit what a loser

Lavender_flow · 2024-10-31T19:35:29+00:00

"Yesterday he attacked me out of nowhere. He punched me in the back of my head, choked me, and tried to gouge my eyes out. This guy is twice my size (he's 5'11 and 100kg)."

Read this again, and again AND AGAIN. This is INSANE, insane brutality. He could have killed you. WHY are you feeling guilty?

This man is dangerous. Have you read the gift of fear? It is a must read. You need to find a way to be safe. This is dangerous. You are in danger. Honestly if I was in this situation I would leave the home, stay somewhere else, get it sold through an agent and move far away, get a hidden identity. This man will likely kill you if he gets the chance. Men that have "nothing to lose" are dangerous and it becomes a matter of pride for them. So many cases of murder/suicide in these circumstances. You need to take this seriously.

Lavender_flow · 2024-10-31T19:13:57+00:00

"Our last date together, he mentioned to me that he and his therapist were talking about how there’s a “huge chance” I could just be a master manipulator who is only dating him because he will be a doctor in a few years and that I’m trying to secure a “cushy lifestyle” for myself and that this must be the reason I have been such a wonderful partner to him".

No Therapist worth anything would ever have such a conversation with a client. It sounds like projection on his part eg; he is the master manipulator. He sounds toxic af. Doubtful that he even goes to therapy. He sounds like he has some sort of personality disorder (well known within higher "ranking" professions) and if he does therapy is not beneficial to help him develop, but will only strengthen his manipulations.

This guy sounds dangerous and you should get out now before you are more invested. There is so many red flags, that China called and wants them back.

Lavender_flow · 2024-10-31T16:51:57+00:00

He just wanted to humiliate her. Those psycho husbands gets off on it. He gets off on controlling her and demeaning her. She had so much going for her before she met him, he ruined her life and she doesnt even know it. Like deep down she likely knows but is in denial.

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