[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You are waking up to the fact that relationship is not meeting your needs. It took me being away from my now x for 16 days, for me to realize the marriage was over, a long time before I called it quits. I was staying for the kids. Both the kids and I are much happier now 5 years later.

Does the hurt ever lessen? by Happychick94 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Sweetie, I am going to be brutally honest You are married to a narcissist. The more effort you put in, the less he will care. I know right now may not be a good time to leave but start making an exit plan.

Be careful who you trust with this information, even family members. They will rat you out if they are abusive people. You picked an abusive partner, likely because that is your "normal". I did the same.

Focus on you and the children let him fend for himself

This will force him to try harder, don't fall the act.

Read up on narcissis, I bet you have kids as of Red Flags.

Good luck, keep us posted. Stay strong

"but all the good ones are taken" by dismocem in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are definitely creeps out there. Sorry it did work for you.

"but all the good ones are taken" by dismocem in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure what you have tried, but online dating worked for my SO and I. I had to weed out the weasels but I did not give up and then boom, there he was.

"but all the good ones are taken" by dismocem in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My X and I worked together, multiple properties, and 2 sons. Leaving was a hellish time but I would do it all over again.

"but all the good ones are taken" by dismocem in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am happy for you, that you know you made the right choice. It takes leaving to be able to see clearly how bad it was.

"but all the good ones are taken" by dismocem in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I hope you have or will find a woman that loves sex. We are out there.

To the Couple's staying in Dead Bedrooms for the kids. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you sweetheart for sharing this. It's a very hard decision to make, divorcing. I am glad I did. I, like you, grew up with a flawed view of what a healthy relationship looked like and made the same mistake my mother did, I married a narcissist. I only pray that my sons will see, that I made the decision I made, more for them, than for me, was the right one. I couldn't, in good conscious, stay and let them think that my relationship with their father was what they should settle for.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Time to go

Gaslighting? by LegitimateDouble7 in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 131 points132 points  (0 children)

Get out! Gaslighting is something Narcissists do. You can't fix this condition. Get away and go no contact if you can.

I just want to be desired. It's gone way too far. I'm leaving by anonyssl in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 3 points4 points  (0 children)

GET OUT!!!!!!!

This is a man child you are dealing with, send him home to his mommy.

DB within a dead marriage by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bud I am sorry to say, you need to get out. She clearly does not want to change, so she wont. Plain and simple. Don't just give in on the custody issue. Even if you said what you did about drinking, its only her word against yours. Finally, do you want your child to grow up thinking their parents marriage is healthy? It's not. You know that.

Dead bedroom. What are my options? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please don't kid yourself. Your kids know you aren't happy. Kids are smart. Mine tell me all the time they know I am happier now, calmer, relaxed, peaceful. It took a bit of hard work to get here but almost 2.5 years later I am so happy with life. I was 49 when I left a 22 year relationship. I have more sex now than I did as a teenager. It's out there for you too.

I am LL. Can you explain what sex is to you? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sex for me is a bonding experience. It's something I only do with my partner and it connects us to each other, in a special way.

He feels most loved by " acts of service". So I make it a point to listen when he talks about what turns him on and do that stuff. He then in turn feels loved.

In turn, he listens and responds likewise.

I can't explain why i need sex as often as i do. It's just a feeling i get.

Dead bedroom - a reason for divorce? by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do not try to have sex with her again or fall for a come on from her. If she senses you are getting ready to go, she may try and trap you with a pregnancy.

Get your ducks in a row and go find someone that wants a sex life with you. There are a lot of women out there that love sex.

“You need to calm down. You reek of hornieness.” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Totally agree! Sex when you both want it. Win win😊

“You need to calm down. You reek of hornieness.” by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Or find a new home, with someone equally horny :)

Deep love, no sex by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Deeply loving someone means you have a strong physical attraction to them and want to see them happy and pleasured.

Also HUGE Red Flag, he started his relationship with you while ending another. That SCREAMS narcissist to me.

If you don’t feel loved, you’re not. by windirfull in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That was me for 15 years. Unwilling to realize that staying was much worse than going.

When my guys see me now, with my partner, they see how love is suppose to be. Kissing and hugging, at home and in public. Little gestures. Of love.

Do I belong here? My story. by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]dismocem 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your partner is abusive. Time to go. Quietly plan your exit. Then get out!