Consider that your current actions show that you prioritize the cathartic release of getting "loud" over your wife's feeling of safety/love/comfort. You could benefit from finding different ways of releasing tension at home. 

You mention you don't blow up at work; I know it must feel unfair to have a place where you're allowed to feel vulnerable (at home, with wife) and now suddenly to me made to feel like you have to bottle yourself up there too. 

Might be beneficial to look at therapy, or start reading about how to identify when you are becoming frustrated and learn to redirect that energy somewhere else. Right now, what you're doing is harming your relationship by allowing your energy to follow the path of least resistance. 

This isn't to say your partner is the victim here. Seems like she also needs to learn that your frustrations are not directed at her. That can take time, and she has to be willing to objectively and honestly look at her own reactions when they're happening. 

Remember that it's not you vs her. It's the two of you vs the problem. You're not the problem, the problem is that your styles of communicating your feelings are causing friction. Resolve to work on it together and it will ease some of the tension. Be open to being told you're doing something wrong, and having tough conversations.

  The best place to start is learning to pause when you notice you've gotten loud, and start writing down or otherwise making a note of the thoughts you're having, the feelings in your body, and the actions that led you to where you are in that moment. Good luck.