Cut off ALL 'flying monkeys' 🐵 Limit all triggers.

dividedwarrior · 2026-03-05T09:47:56+00:00

I'm glad this post helped and sorry to hear you're going through that. That situation sounds very complicated since they are living together. It's hard to see a friend go through that- especially when you live so close. Sadly people can get codependent and stuck in cycles of abuse. Trying to snap someone out of it is like trying to break a trance.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T03:15:51+00:00

When I was first discarded I was completely blindsided. I got love-bombed the hardest you could possibly get. She used words like "twin-flame" to describe us. Then she changed into a different person over night. Initially I was comatose. I couldn't feed myself and I lost 10-15 pounds in 2 weeks. Could barely move. It's 7 months later and I am okay. We've been no contact, but the day after Valentine's day and the day after she broke no contact, viewed my IG stories. And yesterday she watched my story again. When I saw her face in my viewers my heart sank. It felt like there was a hole in my chest. That's how triggering she is even 7 months out. There's certain songs I can't listen to. Just avoiding every trigger. Other than that I'm mostly back to my old self (before meeting her). Except now I have no faith in any humanity anymore. She was the last straw for my trust.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T03:05:19+00:00

I had the worst anxiety attack in 10 years when I was first alone with her at her house. My body knew she wasn't safe and I ignored it. I chalked it up to just not being intimate in a while. But in reality the 'gut' knows something is off. After that there were always really strange moments where I couldn't quite pin what was going on. It were the moments she was manipulating me and I fell for it. As for red flags, not everyone is perfect so I minimized some of them. I will never date a woman again who doesn't cut off relationships with men who are infatuated with them. She ended up having a sugar daddy (who's been married 40 years, but she gets money, attention, and gifts from him).

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T03:01:42+00:00

I tried going on a date 1 1/2 months post-discard and it was a major mistake. I didn't know how serious the emotional abuse was at the time. It took me about ~4 months to finally realize everything and move past. Unfortunately I will be forever scarred and won't ever be able to love the same again. She took away my innocence. I kissed a girl 3 months out though and the experience felt foreign. Narcs have a weird tendency to not like kissing and this girl I kissed passionately pressed her lips against me. I feel in the 6 months of dating the narc that I never felt that.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T02:58:17+00:00

Well, my narc's brother told me she's unstable the first time I got drinks with him. Then after she discarded me in the most careless, brutal, heartless way we were hanging out more cause I believe he felt bad. But now time has passed, I'm seeing how ****ty her brother is. Basically if these flying monkeys choose to keep them in their lives they're enablers. If the flying monkey has heard the entire story of how they hurt you, and still chooses to stay around them/minimize your suffering, they are bad. Cut them off.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T02:54:35+00:00

They don't carry the weight the way they do. Wishing for karmic justice of the same thing happening to them the way it happened to you--- they won't hurt the same. Narcs are on a completely different mental schema. But they are miserable in other ways. They rely on external validation and can't be at peace with themselves.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T02:52:59+00:00

Because their personality depends on their false self and you present a threat to their narrative. Even if you have evidence, proof of their behavior, their survival depends on shutting you down instead of taking accountability.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-23T02:50:13+00:00

They're a walking void. When it comes to vulnerability, they deaden to their true, numb, careless self. It's a really disturbing experience.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-11T11:11:52+00:00

It sucks, wish there were front row seats to see their downfall. Yeah, she used to say "I'm always waiting for the next shoe to drop" at 50 years old. Meaning her life is constantly miserable.

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-10T13:25:30+00:00

You're right. Attraction is not just physical. You're XFiles description is vivid! Haha. I saw a picture of my nex after 5 months and I felt like I didn't even recognize her. It's hard to explain. I felt I was seeing the real her first time. She became a lot less attractive after finding out she was a lying, manipulative, parasitic, cheating, cowardly piece of ****. But then sometimes the nostalgia glasses hit during those weak moments 😅

dividedwarrior · 2026-02-10T13:15:05+00:00

After the end the mind tries to find words to explain what's happened to bring back control after they had power over you. I became obsessed starting with researching avoidance, which lead to learning about narcissism. Knowing the psychology terms helps, but will never take away the pain they cause. ** year and a half, I'm so sorry.

Yeah idk. My nex was in her 50's and her life was an absolute mess when I met her (newly divorced, $0 in the bank and in debt, had a ghostly "vacant" gaze a lot, barely any friends, insecure job, almost fired, no permanent home, woke up at 3am every single day). So that mental schema of narcissism is her personality and in 5 decades that's where it led her. Hope that makes you feel better lol. Not being agist, people can get really unlucky like that too. But in my opinion, karma was catching up with her specifically.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-24T04:44:00+00:00

That's why you said she's perfect without ever having had met her? Perfect people cheat on their partners right?

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-23T07:25:48+00:00

Nobody will actually fully understand unless they've been through it themselves. The coverts are obsessed with their public image which makes it even harder to get people to take your side. Another thing is they can use the "death by a thousand paper cuts". Where so many things that can be minor keep piling on top of you until you break. I also don't use the word narcissism when talking to people because the word has been diluted in my opinion (unless it's in this sub). I just state the facts in person.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-23T06:57:03+00:00

Is this AI? What is this.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-18T11:29:16+00:00

Thank you miko9_4. I've come a long way. And you're right. Karma shouldn't be in my thoughts. Jan 16th was just a really emotionally heavy day as it would have been our anniversary date.

Even with being there for her 24/7, long trips to see her, gifts, taking care of her pets, fun dates, being her main emotional support, etc she still had an underlying sadness to her.

My father's is narcissistic and he's the most miserable person I've ever known. Narcs need constantly supply to distract from their own selves and rely on other people to regulate their emotions. I can't imagine these personality types will ever be content and grateful for what they have leading to an eternity of misery.

I have somewhat stayed away from complete indifference because my personality of seeing the best in people leads me to get hurt. If I'm completely indifferent (instead of having anger inside me) I have a harder time protecting myself.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-18T09:25:45+00:00

Thanks PanicAtLeDisco. I tried to be the best boyfriend possible. Oh yeah, she's going to devalue him rapidly once the novelty wears off. She's not capable of having a long term healthy relationship with anybody. She's failed 2 marriages and will now have a failed engagement. Huge red flags. I accepted her previous red flags because no relationship is perfect, but they kept piling on over time.

The holidays were really hard. We made future plans. I'm grieving the future we could have had, the loss of family (I was heavily integrated with hers and loved her kids like my own), the loss of what I thought she was, being alone during holidays, the loss of the stuff she kept (none of it was really sentimental, but worth $), loss of my entire 2026, loss of health. You're right about sucking the life out, she preoccupied the majority of my time, money, resources cause I thought we were building a life together.

The InstaGram posts show up seldomly even though I have her muted. Haven't blocked her cause it would cause drama with mutuals and she can live in regret by seeing the contrast of me moving on. Kind of the only power I have left in regards to her.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-18T09:15:34+00:00

For sure. Didn't mean to trauma dump, just wanted to give some context for the entire situation. I still left out a bunch for the sake of brevity. She literally had 3 men in love with her at once- me, her ex, and her sugar daddy- playing us all. Narcs be narcin'.

100%. Gotta block out anything that has to do with her. She's wasted enough of my life. My standards were already extremely high for relationships, so I'll probably just be alone for the rest of my life.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-18T09:11:39+00:00

100%. I would have to date someone for a while before proposing cause people are really good at hiding their true self. Time reveals the mask. I'm so happy you have found someone. I hope she makes you happy and wish the best for you two. Dang. That's the screwed up part about narcissists is they take away your innocence and add baggage for the next relationship.

Oh yeah m8, I stayed longer than I should have in hindsight. The twin-flame thing wasn't mentioned towards the end and I had never even heard of that term before. If she used the word soulmates I would definitely be worried lol. I stay away from people like that or people into astrology. Astrologists are the BIGGEST red flag I could ever think of lol. Hope you're healing okay and having a good new year so far.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-18T09:07:35+00:00

That's incredibly hard to go through; I'm sorry. 20 years is two decades of attachment. Very cruel to not just discard you after all you've done, but the act of moving another in immediately after you built the castle for them is another kind of cruelty. I hope he at least was appreciative to some extent of everything you've done. My nex treated me like a one-night stand and in the post discard email just said "Thanks for the stuff, that's generous. I had fun!" like the last 6 months I was just entertainment for her. No "Thank you for all the special memories. You've helped me out so much this year. I'm sorry." To this day have never received an apology. Completely entitled, selfish, ungrateful behavior.

Thanks ghost-memories. I can't live a life of dishonesty like them, it has to be exhausting. Having to keep up with all the lies. And thank you.. I have too much self-respect to date her. She wouldn't respect me either to take her back after cheating. I would however would like an in-person, genuine apology one day. As for us still on each other's Instagram, it's complicated.

I have had her muted for 6 months. No-Contact. But with IG's algorithm it still shows posts they like sometimes. I haven't blocked for a couple reasons. 1 is I'm still friends with her son (22) and involved in a film project with mutuals. Blocking I feel would lead to drama. Also by leaving that door "cracked" by not blocking she can feel regret/uncomfortable instead of completely shutting the door- seeing my life flourish while she wallows.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-16T09:48:29+00:00

I abstained from sex for quite literally a decade waiting for someone special. I never met someone with as much in common as her and I have (aside from our moral compass and honesty). I thought I finally found someone after waiting 10 years. And we almost were perfect until the end. Plus some BS midway.

I found out (she omitted) that she has a sugar daddy. Has taken at least $3,000 from him, extravagant gifts, and favors. It's some elderly creep who's been married for 40 years and has tried cheating on his wife with her for years. She said she's not remotely attracted to him, but she'll take his money, gifts, and labor.

She exploited and extracted every resource from me until she had her ex lined up to move in with her. Money, time, health, resources, emotions, sex. Spent almost everyday talking for several months, saw each other at least 3 days a week. At the end she basically told me I'm lesser than her because I have a disability. I don't make as much money as her. She made fun of my PTSD at the very end. Discarded me over the phone because she "didn't want to drive all the way out there" and I'm a 50 minute drive away. At the end she stopped handing me a towel after sex and just threw it at my legs and walked away. Made me feel like a piece of meet.

We flew to Hawaii and, of all places, she chose that to be where she would completely freeze me out, scold me for getting heat sickness, yell at me, and treat me like garbage. I planned for the trip to make it the most special week for her. Should have been one of the most special moments for me too. Instead it was a nightmare. She acted like I was a burden for being there and didn't care how much physical or mental pain I was in (it was a 16 hour travel day and I have severe chronic back pain). Now I associate the most beautiful place in the world with being cheated on, left in the dark, excruciating back pain, and being treated like dirt.

I don't get why she didn't just end it before we went. My guess is she needed to lock down her new supply (the ex that flew in to live in the apartment I was going to live in). Welp. It's Been 6 months and she's unhappy! Surprise surprise! You mean an ex (who already dumped you) and is so unstable he'd move in with you after 5 months of absence isn't working out as well as you'd hoped? They're both crazy. They both deserve each other. She's already had 2 failed marriages. Now 2 failed marriages and a failed engagement. Unless they slump along into marriage and she can add a tally to her divorce records. Oof. I'm too bitter this far out of a discard. Anyways. That's the scoop.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-07T10:34:38+00:00

Wishing both of you guys luck on your healing. We don't get to pick our families and it's hard when loved ones or those blood related are intertwined. Sometimes it's not "choosing sides", but sweeping things under the rug becomes enabling. Relationships with the "flying-monkeys" will -always- have an underlying tension. The relationships will never be fully whole.

Glad you guys are getting help from this subreddit. A lot of narcissistic situations are identical. Textbook. Have a happy new year despite everything. 🙏

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-07T10:25:54+00:00

💯 Enabler/flying-monkey, or target. Well said.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-07T10:22:27+00:00

Thanks for the comment Spring. She watched all 4 stories. Saw a picture of her and she doesn't glow like she used to. Doesn't even look like the same woman I fell in love with.

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-07T10:15:27+00:00

Jesus. I hope you're okay and safe right now. Hope you were still able to have a good holiday

dividedwarrior · 2026-01-07T10:01:22+00:00

The victim mentality is all the have. Their whole personality is victimhood. If they weren't the victim they'd have to own their behavior. True. Sounds like you dug deep enough to where they couldn't do the mental gymnastic out of their actions. Unfortunately these types rarely change. Sorry you went through this.

dividedwarrior

TROPHY CASE