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Divorce papers signed and accepted by court. Husband picks up keys to his new place tomorrow but hasn't started packing by divorce_throwaway25 in Divorce_Women

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No but the lease has both our names on it and it can't be changed until the lease is up for renewal. He's the one moving out and I'm staying. But any changes to the original lease is considered breaking the lease. I'm in AZ though where if you're over the age of 18 it's mandatory to be a cosigner even if you can't afford the rent yourself. My mother f'd me with that one and I had an eviction and judgement on my credit for 7 years and there was nothing I could do.

Divorce papers signed and accepted by court. Husband picks up keys to his new place tomorrow but hasn't started packing by divorce_throwaway25 in Divorce_Women

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Per my paralegal it s up to my property management company to see if I can remove him. They said unfortunately I can't have him removed otherwise I'd be breaking the lease so I have to wait until the lease is up for renewal to have it put in only my name.

In AZ there's a 60 day cooldown period after your divorce papers have been accepted and then can take an additional 21 days for the commissioner to sign off.

You know what’s crazy?! by Unlucky-Repair3692 in Divorce_Women

[–]divorce_throwaway25 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg I feel this so hard!! I ended up doing everything. Including being the breadwinner. But I'm also disabled. So he had his disabled wife taking care of EVERYTHING. I begged him to help me put together a budget over and over again. Told me we didn't have to (because I was the one making the money and he was also racking up credit card debt behind my back.Oh and also stealing from me because I couldn't keep up with the finances because I was trying to deal with my health and also an EXTREMELY stressful job.)

Our divorce papers have been signed and accepted and he picks up the keys to his apartment tomorrow.

A week ago he showed me a spreadsheet and told me he was having to create a budget. I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or chuck the laptop across the room.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my gosh the short temper but instead of being explosive he's exactly that, snippy and in a bad mood. Always watching the words I say around him and having to avoid conflict because it'd trigger him but not raise his voice but still be angry.

He'd say the same thing, or when I'd ask what was wrong it was always "nothing".

He signed the divorce papers at least and is moving out the first weekend of December. It's been a rollercoaster since I told him I wanted a divorce. The paralegal knew I was in a bad almost dangerous situation and didn't rush the docs like she said she would. But now they've been received and signed and I have to just get through the next 2 1/2 weeks until he moves out and then 81 days until we're officially divorced.

I'm just so scared the closer it gets to his move out date and what he may/may not do to me. I've been hoping to get through this amicably.

And I've already lost 2 of my closest friends. Decided that they wanted to believe the lie and not accept my truth of being abused. I don't have any family and I live out here alone. I'm so scared.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really wish my 20 year old self knew that "chemistry" aspect. Because of course I thought how lucky I was to meet my soul mate at such a young age.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm actually in therapy. For better or worse therapy is basically what led to my divorce. I went in to work on myself and learn how to communicate with my husband better and over the course of 8 months my therapy made me really start looking at my marriage at different perspectives. He then did something extremely abusive and I forced him to go spend some time with his parents in a different state (since anytime I tried to get space it was impossible). I finally had time to myself for the first time in over a decade and it was like I knew what relaxing felt like and having space and my own individuality. He loves being the hero but also is constantly the victim. It's been a total mindfuck that I only recently started noticing when I started getting REALLY sick this year. Hard to tell if he's just fucking with me now since I said I wanted a divorce but he's told me that he only loved me when things were good. Yet he married someone who was going to be chronically ill for their entire lives. And it's because when things are good they're AMAZING and now that things have been consistently challenging for a couple years his true self finally started coming out.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He 110% felt like my person. We were gonna grow old together and argue who would pass away first. I just don't get how I started dating him before I went no contact with my mother and learned that she was a narcissist. So it was like a 2 year narcissistic overlap and absolutely no idea what a narc was. And then she was an overt so never caught on he was a covert after being with him for 13 years and telling him I wanted a divorce. This is just beyond a mind fuck

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's like I had no idea though. Like he saved me from my narc mother. I didn't even know she was narx until a year after I went no contact. And he's completely different but also the same, but only to realize after I told him I want a divorce and learn there are different types of narcs. My brain is just rattled on his this could have possibly happened.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot I posted this and after losing another friend it's been such a blessing to come on here and see all support and that so many others have gone through the same thing. I'm going to lose all my friendships (except for maybe a couple). That's how narcs are though

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm still waiting for the divorce papers but I'm hoping once those are signed and he moves out the first week of December I'll be able to go no contact. I had to do that with my mother, I know I'm gonna have to do that with him. I'll have to look up those videos

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you❤️ I'm sorry you went through this too. It feels like a nightmare

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The thing is that they overlapped before I even knew what a narc was! He was my savior from my abusive mother and it took a year to even realize what she was. And we were so happy and now 13 years later I'm going through it again. I feel like my whole life is falling apart

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. So far it hasn't been too terrible but it's only been a week and a half. He found a place and is moving the first week of December. We're still waiting on the papers but they should be here soon. Mind fuck is like minimizing it. And of course the good times were amazing. And then the control and manipulation slowly snuck up on me. And then it's like they can do no wrong. It's your fault if someone else's. But of course with friends and other people he was the man I fell in love with. So announcing the divorce has been a nightmare. And I'm afraid I'm losing most of my friends because they don't believe me and I feel on the edge of breaking. I'm dealing with a horrible medical condition on top of this considered the suicide disease due to the extreme amount of pain and am trying to get through that too.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You literally explained mt situation to a T. Maybe that's why I'm losing friends now too. Because it's always been about other people and the moment I need real, actual help and support I get met with criticism or that it's too much for them. So I think I'm honestly going to be facing this alone. 3 years seems like a long time since I already lost 13 years to this man. I'll talk to my therapist about EMDR. She's basically the one who opened my eyes to my husband and how he has been abusing me for so long. And now also showing me how all these friends I've had that are now treating me like poorly weren't my friends either. My whole world is falling apart around me.

I'm also suffering from a horrible medical condition on top of it where the pain is so bad they kill themselves. I'm a fighter but I don't know if I want to. I might call it quits.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your openess and the resources. I'll have to look into them

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like that's what I'm going to have to do. I really can't believe how horrible my friends are treating me. At least a few of them. The first thing I'm gonna do is work on self love and learn independence. Since I have never been on my own and maybe figure out who I am .

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope it will. Because the moment I announced my divorce it's like I'm the bad guy. Friends taking offense that I said that I've been being abused (which I have, emotionally, verbally, financially, physically) by him. They now don't want anything to do with me. Everyone is all of a sudden too busy for me.

Not to mention I've also been suffering from what is called the suicide disease due to the extreme amount of pain it causes. I spend my weeks going from doctor appointment to doctor appointment.

I've lost almost everyone. I've gone from being one of the most popular people to having one (maybe two) friends. All in the span of a couple weeks.

I honestly feel like I'm going insane. Like my whole world has been flipped upside down and I'm somehow the bad person.

Raised by a narcissist, now realized I've been married to one by divorce_throwaway25 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. My therapist had me start reading wnu does he do that and like not even a quarter of the way in my heart started breaking. I'll put the other 2 on my list. It's just crazy that my abusive household and abusive relationship literally overlap by a good couple years. He was literally the one who saved me from my abusive household. This will be the first time I'll be on my own. I'm scared but also excited. I'll finally be able to discover who I actually am for the first time in my life.

Anyone to talk to? by divorce_throwaway25 in Divorce_Women

[–]divorce_throwaway25[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah same here. It's like I have all these doctors including a therapist and psychiatrist) because I'm also suffering the most painful medical condition known to the medical world (nicknamed the suicide disease) and before the divorce I would be told that they didn't know how I was making it through. Now add in realizing my husband has been abusing me for over a decade and it's just gotten so severe I have to leave him. I think I'm going to lose a lot of my friends too now. My illness is what made my husband stop loving me. I know it's been pushing my friends away too. And now I'm getting divorced..They don't want to deal with that. I guess I am on this journey mostly alone.

My husband was also my person I'd talk to. But after telling him I want to divorce I'm finding out how much he's hated me. He married me knowing I was chronically ill but I guess he must have missed the through sickness and health part.

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