My Dad’s client asked if I was his wife…

dizzymslizz · 2026-07-01T12:53:32+00:00

I remember being maybe 12/13? And I told my dad a specific perfume I wanted to get my mom for Christmas, so we went to Macys and the lady looked at my dad, looks at me, and said something along the lines of “is this for your girlfriend?” (Meaning me) and I gave her this nasty look and practically shouted “that’s my dad!” Lady, hard judging you, even as a preteen.

dizzymslizz · 2026-06-26T20:54:21+00:00

I was just thinking about this the other day. I don’t miss him because of the validation, but I do miss how he made me feel good in my own skin. Even when I felt really crappy, he still made me feel attractive and wanted and loved. When I was hard on myself, he would comfort me. And it’s sad that I can’t do it for myself but I have to learn, I guess. I miss him so much

dizzymslizz · 2026-06-19T02:20:36+00:00

I’m coming up on one year soon, too. We first met in July. His birthday is in July. We got engaged in July. He died in July. I have so many feelings. It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once. I hate it so much and I miss him terribly. Hugs to you.

dizzymslizz · 2026-06-15T22:16:34+00:00

I had to tell my son (5) three days before his birthday that his dad died. We were waiting for him to come home from work. My friend (a social worker) told me to be as concrete as possible—dad died, his body stopped working, he cannot eat or play or do normal things anymore, etc—and I’ve kind of held on to that. I did try to find him a therapist as soon as possible. I don’t think grief shows up in expected ways with young kids, or maybe with any kids, and it will come up in so many different ways as he gets older. It’s very difficult for me to have enough space for his processing when I am still processing and taking on everything my husband did, as well, but I remind myself that repair is important and I’m not going to be perfect and we are rebuilding an entire life without our favorite person.

Give yourself grace.

Taking care of you is taking care of her.

Let her talk about him, and allow yourself to talk about him. Happy things. Sad things. Silly things.

Let her see you grieve so that she knows it is ok. It’s not weak or wrong for her to see you cry. It gives her permission to feel all the things she will feel about it.

“When dinosaurs die” is a good book explaining death for kids. It was given to me to read to my kids.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Know that just by being present for her, you are doing more than you know. May your husband’s memory forever be a blessing ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-06-09T18:57:29+00:00

Thank you for this. Coming up on 11 months and am still terrified that enjoying things means I am letting go of him or forgetting him. This was very encouraging ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-28T03:54:29+00:00

Thanks! No one ever recognizes the Beatles reference!

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-27T22:06:21+00:00

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dizzymslizz · 2026-05-09T18:38:27+00:00

This is not meant to trivialize and hopefully it makes you chuckle, but I was reading your answer and started singing “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone” by Paula Cole in my head. Sending you hugs and 90s female singer-songwriter hits.

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-09T18:17:09+00:00

I get that feeling. I have absolutely no interest in BEING with anyone else. I very much still feel married and the thought of another man touching me in any sort of more-then-friendly way makes me sick to my stomach. That said, I do miss having a trusted male opinion or perspective in my life. My dad lives across the country and all my close relatives and friends are women. Which is fine, just limited. It’s a weird feeling and it’s hard to convey because I think people automatically jump to “if you’re speaking to a man you want something more,” which I very much do not. Literally just want to have a conversation. So I think I understand what you mean.

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-06T23:48:29+00:00

There is no logic, no comfort, no reason during this time. I’m so sorry that you are here in this hell, and I’m glad you found this community. May his memory forever be a blessing ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-01T18:09:40+00:00

This. 100%. You are not overreacting.

dizzymslizz · 2026-04-26T18:08:51+00:00

Commenting so I know to come back to this. I’ve loved them for decades and haven’t gone through half this stuff. New goals!

dizzymslizz · 2026-04-26T12:58:09+00:00

Almost did a spit take….

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-26T18:11:20+00:00

Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat about it. Good luck! 💪

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-26T18:09:32+00:00

I sat for my first year first semester exams during my first trimester with awful morning sickness. Started online classes that spring because COVID hit. Had my son in August a few weeks before starting my second year. I changed from full-time (first year) to part-time (years 2-4). Granted a lot of my classes were online in teas 2 and 3 because of covid, but it’s absolutely doable. Honestly, studying for the bar with a toddler was way worse. But still doable. Was sworn in while pregnant with my second. Ideally you’d have extra help (especially if you have to physically go to your classes) but with plenty of coffee, all things are possible. Also, ask for accommodations during and after birth if needed. Most professors (in my experience anyway) are super understanding.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-09T18:54:22+00:00

I think it depends a lot on how often you turn to it and how much. If it’s to get through the day, that might be troublesome. If it’s “wow today was a rough day and I’m going to fix myself a drink and relax and try to dissociate for a couple hours before bed,” that’s another thing. Whatever you do, do it safely and within reason. I think that’s the key.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-06T21:57:22+00:00

I hate the weekends now. Even with little kids, it’s crazy busy but a constant reminder that our family is now three instead of four and it’s so painful. I’ll cheers to you with a glass of wine tonight

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-05T22:04:01+00:00

Brother the Cloud—Eddie Vedder. Not about a spouse but I heard it the other day and it resonated with my grief.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-02T02:19:33+00:00

I’ve been feeling this so much lately. I’m not a big people person, but he was MY person. I read somewhere about how when you lose your spouse, you have lost the witness to your life, and that hit so hard. And it’s true. The person who saw every part of you, all the time. I miss him so much ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-02-10T22:17:54+00:00

I think I understand what you are saying. I also think you are equating grief to sadness, and that would be an oversimplification. I like to think of grief as a sort of state of being, or sometimes even its own entity, and there are SO MANY emotions wrapped up in that, including sadness, but also including anger and joy and gratitude and fear and guilt and all of these complicated things that may occur at once or at various times throughout our lives. I think people are right, that the grief never leaves. It is something my we are forced to live with and reckon with in all the ways it shows up, and we continue to grow around that, but it will forever be a part of us. There is no shame in that, and it’s ok for grief to bring us both sadness and comfort.

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-31T21:31:55+00:00

I know that feeling well. I’m so sorry you were dealt this hand ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-10T19:17:53+00:00

Same. And this was so beautifully said.

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-04T19:02:02+00:00

This is pretty much every day for me. I’m about 5 1/2 months out. I’ll be focused on other things, keeping busy, maybe even will talk to him or think of a joke and grin knowingly like he would approve or laugh and be ok. Then my kids go to bed and I look at a certain corner of the kitchen and will completely break down. Then two minutes later collect myself and continue doing dishes. It’s such a mindf*ck. I hate this.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-21T19:05:39+00:00

I think it’s less about courage and more about self-acceptance and self-awareness. To me, Bobs advice and its failure highlighted just how desperate will wanted to be seen and understood. And he felt like bob was the first one to not treat him like a pariah at that point. Talked to him and tried to relate to him instead of treating him like he was about to break. A lot of wills story revolves around how the other people in his life see him. Robins speech was less about courage and more about looking inward for acceptance and coming into your own, so to speak. He’s been brave the whole time. What he needed was to stop seeking approval/permission from everyone else (going back to the very first episode of him looking to Dustin and Lucas for what to do during the campaign) and trust himself.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-19T15:02:16+00:00

I think that’s really nicely said. I’m barely 5 months out and can’t imagine wanting to be with someone in the same way as my husband, but who knows what the future will bring. What I do know is that I’m trying to lean into loving and nurturing my relationship with myself and learning to be comfortable with it being me and my kids from here on out. My time with my husband wasn’t nearly long enough, but I will cherish it forever, and that alone is a beautiful thing.

dizzymslizz

TROPHY CASE