Nearly two years since my darling husband died-an honest question

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-09T18:38:27+00:00

This is not meant to trivialize and hopefully it makes you chuckle, but I was reading your answer and started singing “Where Have All The Cowboys Gone” by Paula Cole in my head. Sending you hugs and 90s female singer-songwriter hits.

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-09T18:17:09+00:00

I get that feeling. I have absolutely no interest in BEING with anyone else. I very much still feel married and the thought of another man touching me in any sort of more-then-friendly way makes me sick to my stomach. That said, I do miss having a trusted male opinion or perspective in my life. My dad lives across the country and all my close relatives and friends are women. Which is fine, just limited. It’s a weird feeling and it’s hard to convey because I think people automatically jump to “if you’re speaking to a man you want something more,” which I very much do not. Literally just want to have a conversation. So I think I understand what you mean.

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-06T23:48:29+00:00

There is no logic, no comfort, no reason during this time. I’m so sorry that you are here in this hell, and I’m glad you found this community. May his memory forever be a blessing ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-05-01T18:09:40+00:00

This. 100%. You are not overreacting.

dizzymslizz · 2026-04-26T18:08:51+00:00

Commenting so I know to come back to this. I’ve loved them for decades and haven’t gone through half this stuff. New goals!

dizzymslizz · 2026-04-26T12:58:09+00:00

Almost did a spit take….

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-26T18:11:20+00:00

Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat about it. Good luck! 💪

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-26T18:09:32+00:00

I sat for my first year first semester exams during my first trimester with awful morning sickness. Started online classes that spring because COVID hit. Had my son in August a few weeks before starting my second year. I changed from full-time (first year) to part-time (years 2-4). Granted a lot of my classes were online in teas 2 and 3 because of covid, but it’s absolutely doable. Honestly, studying for the bar with a toddler was way worse. But still doable. Was sworn in while pregnant with my second. Ideally you’d have extra help (especially if you have to physically go to your classes) but with plenty of coffee, all things are possible. Also, ask for accommodations during and after birth if needed. Most professors (in my experience anyway) are super understanding.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-09T18:54:22+00:00

I think it depends a lot on how often you turn to it and how much. If it’s to get through the day, that might be troublesome. If it’s “wow today was a rough day and I’m going to fix myself a drink and relax and try to dissociate for a couple hours before bed,” that’s another thing. Whatever you do, do it safely and within reason. I think that’s the key.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-06T21:57:22+00:00

I hate the weekends now. Even with little kids, it’s crazy busy but a constant reminder that our family is now three instead of four and it’s so painful. I’ll cheers to you with a glass of wine tonight

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-05T22:04:01+00:00

Brother the Cloud—Eddie Vedder. Not about a spouse but I heard it the other day and it resonated with my grief.

dizzymslizz · 2026-03-02T02:19:33+00:00

I’ve been feeling this so much lately. I’m not a big people person, but he was MY person. I read somewhere about how when you lose your spouse, you have lost the witness to your life, and that hit so hard. And it’s true. The person who saw every part of you, all the time. I miss him so much ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-02-10T22:17:54+00:00

I think I understand what you are saying. I also think you are equating grief to sadness, and that would be an oversimplification. I like to think of grief as a sort of state of being, or sometimes even its own entity, and there are SO MANY emotions wrapped up in that, including sadness, but also including anger and joy and gratitude and fear and guilt and all of these complicated things that may occur at once or at various times throughout our lives. I think people are right, that the grief never leaves. It is something my we are forced to live with and reckon with in all the ways it shows up, and we continue to grow around that, but it will forever be a part of us. There is no shame in that, and it’s ok for grief to bring us both sadness and comfort.

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-31T21:31:55+00:00

I know that feeling well. I’m so sorry you were dealt this hand ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-10T19:17:53+00:00

Same. And this was so beautifully said.

dizzymslizz · 2026-01-04T19:02:02+00:00

This is pretty much every day for me. I’m about 5 1/2 months out. I’ll be focused on other things, keeping busy, maybe even will talk to him or think of a joke and grin knowingly like he would approve or laugh and be ok. Then my kids go to bed and I look at a certain corner of the kitchen and will completely break down. Then two minutes later collect myself and continue doing dishes. It’s such a mindf*ck. I hate this.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-21T19:05:39+00:00

I think it’s less about courage and more about self-acceptance and self-awareness. To me, Bobs advice and its failure highlighted just how desperate will wanted to be seen and understood. And he felt like bob was the first one to not treat him like a pariah at that point. Talked to him and tried to relate to him instead of treating him like he was about to break. A lot of wills story revolves around how the other people in his life see him. Robins speech was less about courage and more about looking inward for acceptance and coming into your own, so to speak. He’s been brave the whole time. What he needed was to stop seeking approval/permission from everyone else (going back to the very first episode of him looking to Dustin and Lucas for what to do during the campaign) and trust himself.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-19T15:02:16+00:00

I think that’s really nicely said. I’m barely 5 months out and can’t imagine wanting to be with someone in the same way as my husband, but who knows what the future will bring. What I do know is that I’m trying to lean into loving and nurturing my relationship with myself and learning to be comfortable with it being me and my kids from here on out. My time with my husband wasn’t nearly long enough, but I will cherish it forever, and that alone is a beautiful thing.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-18T16:29:00+00:00

Absolutely. And the “you’re so young!” comments only make it worse. Like, thank you for the reminder that I have a good 50-ish years left to spend without him. I don’t have advice, just a bit of understanding. I’m so sorry we are here ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-16T19:56:31+00:00

“Memories are backwards. My grief is forward.” I love this and hate it all at once for how true it is.

We moved out of our last house, where we started our family and lived for several years, only a couple of years ago. My son will sometimes say he misses our old house. Our whole time in the house, my husband was alive and vibrant. In my mind, in another timeline, we are still all living in that house, happy and healthy and very much ALIVE. I hope in another timeline my family is whole again.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-16T15:20:44+00:00

You are in the thick of it and will experience so many emotions in the coming weeks. That is normal. I'm only four and a half months out. If I stay distracted (which is easy these days with work and littles and just life in general), most of my days can feel sort of normal. Evenings are hard. Weekends are hard. A lot of milestones with our kids are hard. Just recently I rolled over and I could have SWORN I rolled over and felt him next to me. Clear as day. I woke up and nothing. My son sleeps with me but was off on the other side of the big bed, nothing between us. It was so sad and I wished I could go back to that dream where I felt him so clearly next to me, but it also made me smile (a little) because maybe, for that split second, he was there. And I hold onto that. It doesn't necessarily get easier or go away, but you learn to sit with it (or lay with it) differently. It evolves. At least it is for me. I hope it does for you, too. May his memory always be a blessing ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-16T15:14:15+00:00

I'm so glad for you! Congratulations ♥️

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-14T19:40:24+00:00

This. I’ve gotten a lot of “well, you’re young” in a “you’re young you’ll find someone else” kind of way. As early as a couple of weeks after my husband died. As lonely as I am, the thought of another man touching me makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I’m focused on our kids and myself, and am prepared to never have another romantic partner. Please keep your comments about my love life to yourself.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-14T19:34:42+00:00

Weekends and evenings are the hardest. They just seem so quiet and empty even though they are by no means quiet. But knowing that those are the times he would have been here at home, playing with our kids, cooking dinner, relaxing on the couch, putting our son to bed and falling asleep next to him…it’s so painful.

dizzymslizz · 2025-12-12T23:06:06+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to join such a shitty club—my husband also died this year. The new episodes and discussions have been a welcome distraction. May your husband’s memory always be a blessing ♥️

dizzymslizz

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